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Friday night I was out at the club with my girlfriend. We were just chilling, doing a bit of drinking, enjoying the scene, you know- The usual. Halfway through the night she went to the bar to get herself another drink. Some time later she comes back over to me totally soaked with her dress ruined.
I asked her what happened and she said she was rudely bumped on the way back over by this really awkward, dorky, Gilligan-looking mother****er. Then she told me afterwards he was gawking at her **** through her soaked dress, so she slapped him. She pointed him out to me and, as soon as I locked eyes on him, he bolted for the exit like an absolute p*ssy.
I didn't want to hurt the coward anymore than she already had, but I did want to get her an apology and give the guy a stern talking to regarding acceptable behavior in public, so I immediately gave chase. Not wanting to miss the laughs, my best friend followed closely behind me laughing his ass off along the way.
I get out in the parking lot just in time to see him fumbling with his keys at the door of his prius, desperately trying to get it unlocked so he can get away without incident.
"HEY, MOTHER****ER!" I shouted to get his attention.
He immediately shrieked like a girl and dropped his keys at his feet. It was pathetic.
My friend and I calmly walked over towards him.
"What the ****, man? Why'd you bump my girl?" I asked.
"It...it was an accident!" he mumbled.
"I was distracted from checking 4chan and uploading pictures of my cats to facebook on my phone!" He said.
"What about when you were gawking at her sweet rack?" I asked as I noticed a puddle of piss beginning to pool around the sneaker on his right foot. He was wearing nerd shoes, too. Those LA Gears from the 90s with f*ggoty lights in the heels.
Before I got a response he immediately assumed a really lame karate stance. He stretched his left arm out towards my chest while putting his right arm above his head but bent at the elbow so that his fist was directly above his head. Then he moved his legs into a wide stance and started bending his knees up and down, almost like he was squatting to take a ****. It was absolutely ******ed.
"I'm an amateur MMA fighter! Are you sure you want to do this, bro!?" he stated in a voice that could only be described as being eerily similar to that of Gilbert Gottfried.
He was trembling so badly that it was easy to see that he was trying to act tough to save face at this point and I honestly felt so bad for the scrawny little chode that I decided to just let him have the W.
"Nah man, I don't want any part of that. We're cool, bro." I replied as my friend and I slowly backed away from him.
Once we got about 15 feet from him he stopped with the silly karate bull**** and bent down to pick up his keys. It was at this point that my friend and I noticed the colossal **** stain on the back of his argyle pants. Apparently he'd shat himself sometime after we'd confronted him in the parking lot.
He got in his car and drove away blasting Devo while my friend and I stood there in the parking lot absolutely astonished at what had just transpired.
I asked her what happened and she said she was rudely bumped on the way back over by this really awkward, dorky, Gilligan-looking mother****er. Then she told me afterwards he was gawking at her **** through her soaked dress, so she slapped him. She pointed him out to me and, as soon as I locked eyes on him, he bolted for the exit like an absolute p*ssy.
I didn't want to hurt the coward anymore than she already had, but I did want to get her an apology and give the guy a stern talking to regarding acceptable behavior in public, so I immediately gave chase. Not wanting to miss the laughs, my best friend followed closely behind me laughing his ass off along the way.
I get out in the parking lot just in time to see him fumbling with his keys at the door of his prius, desperately trying to get it unlocked so he can get away without incident.
"HEY, MOTHER****ER!" I shouted to get his attention.
He immediately shrieked like a girl and dropped his keys at his feet. It was pathetic.
My friend and I calmly walked over towards him.
"What the ****, man? Why'd you bump my girl?" I asked.
"It...it was an accident!" he mumbled.
"I was distracted from checking 4chan and uploading pictures of my cats to facebook on my phone!" He said.
"What about when you were gawking at her sweet rack?" I asked as I noticed a puddle of piss beginning to pool around the sneaker on his right foot. He was wearing nerd shoes, too. Those LA Gears from the 90s with f*ggoty lights in the heels.
Before I got a response he immediately assumed a really lame karate stance. He stretched his left arm out towards my chest while putting his right arm above his head but bent at the elbow so that his fist was directly above his head. Then he moved his legs into a wide stance and started bending his knees up and down, almost like he was squatting to take a ****. It was absolutely ******ed.
"I'm an amateur MMA fighter! Are you sure you want to do this, bro!?" he stated in a voice that could only be described as being eerily similar to that of Gilbert Gottfried.
He was trembling so badly that it was easy to see that he was trying to act tough to save face at this point and I honestly felt so bad for the scrawny little chode that I decided to just let him have the W.
"Nah man, I don't want any part of that. We're cool, bro." I replied as my friend and I slowly backed away from him.
Once we got about 15 feet from him he stopped with the silly karate bull**** and bent down to pick up his keys. It was at this point that my friend and I noticed the colossal **** stain on the back of his argyle pants. Apparently he'd shat himself sometime after we'd confronted him in the parking lot.
He got in his car and drove away blasting Devo while my friend and I stood there in the parking lot absolutely astonished at what had just transpired.
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