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#11
Old 01-12-2013, 01:03 PM
MARKBNLV
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Originally Posted by Derranged View Post
No matter how many times I try to have a positive outlook on life, I still wind up being as negative and as cynical as ever.

When I turned 30 I did change briefly, I felt it was a new chapter. However, some months later, I made some scary realizations that I always kind of knew but it didn't quite grasp the reality of it in my 20s. That's when things went bad again.
Like what for instance?
Are you like me and destroy your own happiness
because thats what i do and i have no clue why
once i have everything in place and i am happy
the devil in me comes out and wipes it away.
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#12
Old 01-12-2013, 01:27 PM
MARKBNLV
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Last edited by MARKBNLV; 01-12-2013 at 01:29 PM..
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#13
Old 01-12-2013, 01:37 PM
Derranged
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Originally Posted by MARKBNLV View Post
Like what for instance?
Are you like me and destroy your own happiness
because thats what i do and i have no clue why
once i have everything in place and i am happy
the devil in me comes out and wipes it away.
The reality of death struck me. When i hit 30, it finally occurred to me: I'm gonna die someday. And then I thought, how long do my parents have? Etc.. Obviously everyone dies, wasn't news to me. But it wasn't until then I actually thought of it deeply. I don't know, its hard to explain.
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#14
Old 01-12-2013, 01:51 PM
Spray_resistant
Chris Keller of B-scene
 
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Originally Posted by Derranged View Post
The reality of death struck me. When i hit 30, it finally occurred to me: I'm gonna die someday. And then I thought, how long do my parents have? Etc.. Obviously everyone dies, wasn't news to me. But it wasn't until then I actually thought of it deeply. I don't know, its hard to explain.
You can't do anything about that so no point in wasting energy worrying about, worry about all of the things you can change and make better.
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#15
Old 01-12-2013, 01:51 PM
MARKBNLV
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merry christmas - Tha_Greatest Merry christmas bud - TBear Happy Holidays.. - !! AI-Holmes!! Happy bday bro. - led Happy Birthday Mark - TBear 
Keep life rollin' don't stop being positive! - Uns Right back at you, love :) - Bossy :) - Bossy Congrats for the second kid - led* get some pussy bro - Mannie Phresh 
great job exposing that racist draft dodger ali. hes in his state because hes a racist and deserves it - I'm so sorry No Message - Tha_Greatest Happy holidays bro! - led* Mwerry Christmas Mark. I hope you have a great one bro. - deanrw happy new years homie, lol, you my boy , lol, peace, to you and your family aswell - Tha_Greatest 
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Originally Posted by Derranged View Post
The reality of death struck me. When i hit 30, it finally occurred to me: I'm gonna die someday. And then I thought, how long do my parents have? Etc.. Obviously everyone dies, wasn't news to me. But it wasn't until then I actually thought of it deeply. I don't know, its hard to explain.
Nah man i totally get it 30 was a big one for me also its really what set off my depression just the opposite of how you tried to deal with it,oh and that deep thinking you were doing thats emotion brother.Crazy to think at 30 years old i dont even know myself yet some people seem to have me figured out just shows how eegotistical some are.
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#16
Old 01-12-2013, 07:19 PM
I Love Jesus!
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Some things i have lacked in the last few years that i intend to change this year
sick of living life not wanting to live all i know is every single negative person or aspect of my life is over its time to be happy again.anyone else ever lost themselves and cameback because i fully intend on doing so this year even on the forums.
All the time it's the human condition. Boredom being forced to work life is a strange thing.
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#17
Old 01-12-2013, 07:22 PM
I Love Jesus!
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Originally Posted by Derranged View Post
No matter how many times I try to have a positive outlook on life, I still wind up being as negative and as cynical as ever.

When I turned 30 I did change briefly, I felt it was a new chapter. However, some months later, I made some scary realizations that I always kind of knew but it didn't quite grasp the reality of it in my 20s. That's when things went bad again.
Is that when you came out of the closet?
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#18
Old 01-12-2013, 07:23 PM
MARKBNLV
Im A Mark
 
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All the time it's the human condition. Boredom being forced to work life is a strange thing.
It goes pretty deep with me a few months back i was literally on the edge of a cliff about to jump the only thing that saved me is the love for my family.
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#19
Old 01-12-2013, 07:27 PM
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It goes pretty deep with me a few months back i was literally on the edge of a cliff about to jump the only thing that saved me is the love for my family.
Yeah man a lot of people actually do it. You're not alone.give meds a shot.
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#20
Old 01-12-2013, 08:19 PM
MARKBNLV
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4500 post in Boss Lady's thread of madness! :) - *Boss Lady* Merry Christmas - Flab Merry Christmas and have a wonderful New Year! x - *Boss Lady* Merry xmas too bro! - led Happy Holidays Marky! - Lorily 
merry christmas - Tha_Greatest Merry christmas bud - TBear Happy Holidays.. - !! AI-Holmes!! Happy bday bro. - led Happy Birthday Mark - TBear 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Davis40 View Post
Yeah man a lot of people actually do it. You're not alone.give meds a shot.
Pride has stopped me in the past but maybe i do need the help i am so tired of being sick and tired as they say.
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MARKBNLV is offline
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