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#1
Old 07-25-2014, 12:28 PM
[ DUBBZZ ]
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Default Stupid Joke Friday

A lady buys a parrot from a madam at a brothel. She takes it home and she's scared of the type of language it may have picked up at the whore house.

Parrot says, "awwwk! New house, new house, awwwk".

Lady thinks, "hmm, that's not too bad".

Then the parrot says to her, "awwwk, new madam, new house, awwwk"!

Lady says, "that's not so bad"

A couple of hours later, her husband comes home.

The parrot says, "awwwk, hey Bill, nice to see you again, awwwk"!
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#2
Old 07-25-2014, 12:46 PM
jas
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Default

why did the chicken cross the road
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#3
Old 07-25-2014, 12:50 PM
-MAKAVELLI-
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Default

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
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#4
Old 07-25-2014, 12:51 PM
takingaim
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jas View Post
why did the chicken cross the road
To avoid Pacquiao?
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#5
Old 07-25-2014, 01:00 PM
DonMega
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Default

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman, 2 French men and 1 French woman, 2 German men and 1 German woman, 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman, 2 English men and 1 English woman, 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman, 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman, 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman, 2 New Zealander men and 1 New Zealander woman, 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman, 2 American men and 1 American woman. One month later, the following things have occurred....
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together, having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless fighting over the Australian woman, who called them both “bloody wankers” and is checking out all the other men.
Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey, but they are satisfied in that at least the English are not getting any.
The American woman keeps on *****ing about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinions and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is mproving. The two American men have committed suicide.


A bit long but o'well
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#6
Old 07-25-2014, 01:21 PM
bojangles1987
bo jungle
 
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Default

Who didn't let the gorilla into the ballet?

Just whoever is in charge of that decision.
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#7
Old 07-25-2014, 01:25 PM
CatchAndShoot
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by takingaim View Post
To avoid Pacquiao?
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#8
Old 07-25-2014, 01:29 PM
Mike D
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Default

Rockin's nickname in the ring was Kid Candle.

One blow and he was out.
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#9
Old 07-25-2014, 01:47 PM
BostonGuy
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Default

A horny guy is in bed with his wife. He starts to kiss and make out with her and is ready to stick his c0ck in her when she says "honey I have an appointment with my gynecologist tomorrow. The doctor said that I shouldn't have sex before the appointment...

The disappointed husband thinks for second and then says "oh, well you're not going to see your dentist tomorrow are you?"
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#10
Old 07-25-2014, 01:53 PM
-jose-
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a puerto rican a black and chinese man get hired work at a warehouse

The owner tells the Puerto Rican, "you are in charge of sweeping the floors"

Then tells the black man,
"you're in charge of picking up the garbage the Puerto Rican sweeps up"

And tells the Chinese man you're in charge of the supplies

An hour passes by the boss comes back and there's nothing done the Puerto Rican says " I have no broom" the black man says" I have no dust pan"

The boss then asks "WHERE IS THE CHINESE MAN? "

and the Chinese man jumps out of a box and screams SUPPLIES!!!




(just incase 'no racist'...to those who are sensitive)
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