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#1
Old 02-08-2011, 04:04 PM
paulf
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Default Need advice lounge. My brother is the biggest loser I've ever seen.

I just don't know what to do about this fool anymore. He's going to be 28 years old and all he does is smoke weed and play XBOX. He's completely ruining my parents lives and is a serious strain on everyone in our family. Anyone else have a family member like this?

He's just the textbook definition of a **** up. I let him get an apartment with me after my fiance and I split over the summer, so he could move out of my parents house (!) and I could kinda take him off their hands for a while. He has a job that I got him, but they don't give him more than 10 days of work a month so he's always broke. He has no motivation to accomplish anything in life.

The thing is, he should! He's really intelligent and not bad looking. He's just so smug and thinks he's so much better than everyone that he needs to prove nothing. Case in point: I'm hitting the dating scene really hard and bring girls back to our place a lot. He has a girlfriend that he's referred to as "fat, stupid, obnoxious personality, hates talking to" ect. She filthy and gross. They've been dating like 2 years, but I've only seen her twice because he's obviously ashamed to bring her around. He always talks of breaking up with her, but he's too much of a coward to.

I try to tell him that he's not bad looking, but you cant attract a woman by wearing old dirty clothes that are way too big and playing video games. But he won't confront any problems. He just makes up all these stories about "hot *****es" he ****ed, when in reality she's probably the first girl he'd ****ed in 3-4 years. When it comes to admitting shortcomings he always lays the blame on my parents. We had plenty of eat, nice clothes, and love and support of two parents who worked hard. That's better than 99% of the children in this world.

His life is completely passing him by. It's ruining my parents lives. They're immigrants and don't have a lot of education, but work really hard and don't know what to do about their eldest son. Everytime my mom, dad, sister, and I get together with one another, he is the main subject of discussion. We don't know what to do, because honestly if he wasn't living with one of us he would probably become a homeless person. My mother told me one day that if she didn't love him so much, she'd have the courage to tell him that she's been all over the world and in 58 years she'd never seen as big a loser as him in her entire life.

I am moving to Chicago or Minneapolis in November, and I'm trying to force some sort of solution on him. I hate to leave him back on my parents shoulders, who say they cannot support him at all financially anymore, but I have a college degree and have to go further my career and get my masters. Just this month he borrowed his half of the rent from my mother, and told her it was money we "both" needed for expenses. He has no shame and accepts none of his faults.

Anyone have any thoughts, stories, or suggestions? I hate to think that he will always be this way, but he doesn't have much time left and hasn't shown any signs he wants to turn his life around.

Last edited by paulf; 02-08-2011 at 04:07 PM..
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#2
Old 02-08-2011, 04:10 PM
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Beat his ass.
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#3
Old 02-08-2011, 04:12 PM
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dont hold up your life for him...move to Chicago and finish your schooling...


tell your folks to be strong and not let him back in the house...he's 28...its time to sink or swim
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#4
Old 02-08-2011, 04:15 PM
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Diogenes Syndrome at 28.

Seems like he's always had someone to fall back on all his life. You need to find some way to convince your parents not to take pity on him, whilst you move on with your own life.

Once all his support networks are gone, he'll have no choice ***8211; either he uses his brain and pulls himself out of the gutter or works at McDonalds.

Firm but fair.
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#5
Old 02-08-2011, 04:16 PM
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It's a hard situation but you say he has got a job so he should be able to support himself? I don't think your parents should let him loan money. He has no interests at all except weed and xbox? Make him pay you more fore living with you so he can't afford xbox games and weed then he will also have to work more and become more engaged in his situation. How old is he and how long has he been behaving like this? If it's just a shorter period maybe he will change by himself?
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#6
Old 02-08-2011, 04:19 PM
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Well things are bad at the moment work wise even if you are motivated.
A girl I know handed out 176 CV's and never heard nothing back.
If he doesn't like his girlfriend tell him to get rid of her.
Make him go the gym instread of playing xbox. Maybe you could join a gym with him and go out a bit more.
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#7
Old 02-08-2011, 04:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paulf View Post
I just don't know what to do about this fool anymore. He's going to be 28 years old and all he does is smoke weed and play XBOX. He's completely ruining my parents lives and is a serious strain on everyone in our family. Anyone else have a family member like this?

He's just the textbook definition of a **** up. I let him get an apartment with me after my fiance and I split over the summer, so he could move out of my parents house (!) and I could kinda take him off their hands for a while. He has a job that I got him, but they don't give him more than 10 days of work a month so he's always broke. He has no motivation to accomplish anything in life.

The thing is, he should! He's really intelligent and not bad looking. He's just so smug and thinks he's so much better than everyone that he needs to prove nothing. Case in point: I'm hitting the dating scene really hard and bring girls back to our place a lot. He has a girlfriend that he's referred to as "fat, stupid, obnoxious personality, hates talking to" ect. She filthy and gross. They've been dating like 2 years, but I've only seen her twice because he's obviously ashamed to bring her around. He always talks of breaking up with her, but he's too much of a coward to.

I try to tell him that he's not bad looking, but you cant attract a woman by wearing old dirty clothes that are way too big and playing video games. But he won't confront any problems. He just makes up all these stories about "hot *****es" he ****ed, when in reality she's probably the first girl he'd ****ed in 3-4 years. When it comes to admitting shortcomings he always lays the blame on my parents. We had plenty of eat, nice clothes, and love and support of two parents who worked hard. That's better than 99% of the children in this world.

His life is completely passing him by. It's ruining my parents lives. They're immigrants and don't have a lot of education, but work really hard and don't know what to do about their eldest son. Everytime my mom, dad, sister, and I get together with one another, he is the main subject of discussion. We don't know what to do, because honestly if he wasn't living with one of us he would probably become a homeless person. My mother told me one day that if she didn't love him so much, she'd have the courage to tell him that she's been all over the world and in 58 years she'd never seen as big a loser as him in her entire life.

I am moving to Chicago or Minneapolis in November, and I'm trying to force some sort of solution on him. I hate to leave him back on my parents shoulders, who say they cannot support him at all financially anymore, but I have a college degree and have to go further my career and get my masters. Just this month he borrowed his half of the rent from my mother, and told her it was money we "both" needed for expenses. He has no shame and accepts none of his faults.

Anyone have any thoughts, stories, or suggestions? I hate to think that he will always be this way, but he doesn't have much time left and hasn't shown any signs he wants to turn his life around.
No words needed.........
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#8
Old 02-08-2011, 04:22 PM
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Like prior comments, you need to focus solely on your life and your education. There is only so much you can do for a person before you have to say enough is enough. It'll be harder for you parents to do, but everybody has to let him get a taste of reality and how hard it is out there in the real world without depending on your family. I know you and your family might worry that he'll end up "homeless", but it's the best thing for him to let him become an adult on his own.
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#9
Old 02-08-2011, 04:23 PM
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that post sucked.

people are the result of ONLY 2 things:

1. genetics
2. environment

genetics + environment = your brother. is his genetics his fault? no. is the environment he was raised in his fault? no. therefore, your brother is just doing his sh1t to stay the fvck out of it.

and i did fvck all those hot b1tches.
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Old 02-08-2011, 04:25 PM
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I have a cousin who is the exact same.. except for the intelligent and good looking parts lmao. He has no drive and like you say he fuks up the family but, you've got to give them a horrible experience. Throw him out, let him live on the streets for a few days. Peoples minds learn by experience.

Another method is just flat out tell him the hurt he is causing the family, any normal person would change. Then again people like your brother (no disrespect) and my cousisn minds may work in different ways.

P.S - Don't let it interrupt your life, it'll only increase your dislike for him.
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