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#1
Old 04-11-2009, 08:34 PM
PBDS
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Default Golf Story

Golf Story:

A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story, and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa". The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day Grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy. And good-bye Grandma." The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy." He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in, and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight, he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day, he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch, and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived. He breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it. I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said, "You think you had a bad day. You'll never believe what happened to me... This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!
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#2
Old 04-12-2009, 12:13 AM
vanilamilkshake
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ahahahahhahahahhahhahha

omg. im glad it ended that way, cos i thought it was gonna be sad.
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#3
Old 04-12-2009, 01:24 AM
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good one.

A guy walks into a bar and orders two beers. The bartender looks at him curiously. "Ones for me, the other is for my poor sickly brother back in the old country, he's barely hanging on." says the guy. The bartender nods sympathetically and pours two pints.
This goes on for the night, the next night, and the night after that. After about two weeks of the man drinking two beers at a time. They guy walks into the bar and sadly orders one beer. "Its your brother isn't it?" ask the bartender solemnly.
"No, nothing wrong with him," the guy says shrugging. "Its me...I've quit drinking."
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#4
Old 04-12-2009, 02:14 AM
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There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire. "Hey kid!" the farmer says. "Where are you going with that wire?"
"Well," the kid drawls, "this here ain't just any old wire, this here's chicken wire- I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!"
"You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
"Sure I can!" the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickens caught in his chicken wire.
Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape. "Hey kid!" the farmer yells. "Where are you going with that tape?"
"Well, this here ain't just any old tape, this here's duck tape- I'm fixin' to catch me some ducks!"
"You can't catch ducks with duck tape!" the farmer yells back.
"Sure I can!" the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and again, the farmer can't believe his eyes. The kid had a whole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in his tape.
The next day the farmer's sitting on his porch again, and the kid comes walking down the road carrying a stick. "Hey kid!" the farmer says. "Where are you going with that stick?"
"Well, this here ain't just any old stick, this here's ***** willow."
"Hang on," the farmer says, "I'll get my hat."
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#5
Old 04-12-2009, 02:19 AM
Dr.Depravity
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One day a salesman is driving down a country road when he sees a man out in the field f.ucking a sheep. Holy **** the salesman thinks, Ive got to tell the farmer. So he goes up the lane to the farm house and knocks on the door. A kid answers the door and the salesman says "hey! there's a guy out in your field screwing your sheep!.


"thaaats my daaaaaaaad" bleats the kid.
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#6
Old 04-12-2009, 11:15 AM
PBDS
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share a bottle of wine with me? - Blood_Child Wlad is #1! - Mike Tyson77 Wlad KO11 Thompson!!!! - Mike Tyson77 Cheers to Wlad! - Tunney Great win! - !! Mr. Soprano 
.....His Mom is still living at 96 and she's sharper than you are right now. - Bendigo Here's that beer I promised you. - The_Bringer Pop Bottles for the Rays!!!!! - Mike06j770 Vitali rules. I hope your stream is better next time. - BatTheMan Vitali!!!! - Mike Tyson77 
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.....This one turned into a nice little joke thread. Keep it going people.
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#7
Old 04-12-2009, 12:54 PM
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There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him.
First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.
Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.
The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw."
The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming."
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#8
Old 04-12-2009, 01:02 PM
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PBDS View Post
Golf Story:

A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story, and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa". The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day Grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy. And good-bye Grandma." The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy." He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in, and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight, he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day, he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch, and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived. He breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it. I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said, "You think you had a bad day. You'll never believe what happened to me... This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!
lol, this would be karma worthy if I hadn't just sent you some...
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