|01-03-2009, 03:33 AM||#1|
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How to tell if your husband is gay...
How to tell if your husband is gay
By Rochelle Hentges
Wednesday, October 4, 2006
Politics and scandal go together like Britney Spears and revealing tops. (See "Rep. Mark Foley, R-Fla." and "e-mails.")
Although most disappear as quickly as celebrities' post-pregnancy baby fat, every once in a while there's a screamer that shows staying power.
This one goes by the name of New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey.
McGreevey made headlines in 2004 when he admitted he cheated on his wife with one of his male employees. Audiences were still tuning in when McGreevey did a tell-all on Oprah last month to garner publicity for his new book, "The Confession." It has reached No. 12 on USA Today's Top 150 list of best-selling books.
There's something compelling about a married man having an affair with another man, says infidelity expert Ruth Houston and author of "Is He Cheating on You: 829 Telltale Signs."
Houston has put together a tip sheet on how to tell if that third wheel is a woman -- or a man:
Question: Is it common to be afraid your husband might be cheating on you with a man?
Answer: The same-sex infidelity tip sheet was put together about a year ago because I started getting questions about it on my Web site ( ). And when "Brokeback Mountain" made its debut, those questions almost quadrupled.
Women are starting to ask themselves, "Is this happening to me? What should I look for? How could I tell?" Certainty, if you're not suspecting it, these men get away with it.
The Centers for Disease Control (and Prevention), CDC, estimates that 4 million women have been involved in relationships with men that have had sex with other men. That's a big number, a very big number.
According to the Family Pride Coalition, 20 percent of all gay men in America are in heterosexual marriages, and 50 percent of all gay men in America have fathered children.
Q: So, how do you tell if your husband is gay?
A: It's a three-step procedure.
Step 1, you need to find out if they're cheating.
Step 2, who is that person cheating with: is it a woman or with another man? Some of the things to look for are: a strong preference for anal sex, buying or receiving expensive or overly intimate gifts for his male friends, extreme homophobic behavior and an abundance of male friends with whom he seems to be a little too close or too familiar with.
He'll be frequenting **** sights that have to do with same-sex activities. He may be receiving lots of phone calls from other men.
You can't take these signs in isolation. If you haven't proven that he's cheating, you're likely to make a mistake. Gay or bisexual men aren't necessarily effeminate, so people who are trying to use that as a factor could be falsely accusing a man. You can't base it on the way he looks or dresses.
Step 3 is identifying who that partner is.
Q: Why do you need to know who it's with?
A: The fact that he's cheating with another man doesn't necessarily mean the end of a marriage. Some people can sustain those marriages, but you need to find out if he's having sex with one or two people or picking up strangers that he's having sex with in a park.
Get at the real issues, like how long has this been going on, have you been having safe sex? You need to find out how deeply entrenched he is in this lifestyle.
Once you have that information, then you can make an intelligent decision on how to deal with the situation: should you stay with him, should you go to counseling?
Q: How did you get to be an expert on infidelity?
A: Well, I've been researching infidelity for the past 13 years. I've interviewed cheaters, both male and female, victims of cheating, both male and female, marriage counselors, private investigators, divorce attorneys, anyone even remotely associated with cheating.
It started 13 years ago when I myself became a victim of infidelity and couldn't find the answers I needed. What started out as a fact-finding mission has become a way of life. That's all I do now.
Signs of same-sex infidelity
Suspicious non-verbal communication with other men -- a look, a touch or hug that lasts a little too long or has undertones of intimacy
Possession of ****ography depicting men engaged in sex acts with other men (videos, magazines, photos stored on his computer)
Frequenting gay or bisexual Web sites -- check the history in your Internet browser
No longer sexually aroused by you or can't maintain his erection
A strong preference for anal sex
An abundance of male friends with whom he seems to be too close or too familiar
Lots of phone calls from other men
Buying or receiving expensive, intimate, or overly personal gifts from other men
Overreacts to anything concerning gay men -- extreme homophobic behavior
Unusually high percentage of male friends who are gay
Spends more time with his male friends than with you
Male friends who are overly friendly
Watching gay **** on the Internet
Answering personal ads on gay Web sites
Cell phone bills traced to gay escort services or gay personal dating services
Matchbook covers, ****tail napkins or business cards from gay bars with phone numbers written inside.
|01-03-2009, 03:38 AM||#2|
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Let’s look at some of the signs that may indicate your husband prefers men. Remember that effeminate qualities in a man do not necessarily mean that he is gay. So it is wise to rule out some of the stereotypes often associated with gay men, such as having a lisp or carrying himself a certain way.
Another sign people often associate with a man being homosexual is his tendency to be overly sensitive or caring. It is somewhat ironic that most wives would love to have a spouse who is emotional and caring, yet it is automatically assumed that a man is gay when he expresses these traits. It isn’t fair to equate a man who is gentle, caring and emotional with a man who is homosexual.
Now that you have heard this disclaimer, let’s go over the signs that are reliable and that have withstood the test of time. One thing to look for is extreme homophobic behavior. If your husband turns almost militantly angry when confronted by someone who is gay, it may indicate that your husband is gay. This doesn’t make sense at first, but a deeper analysis will explain why.
People often lash out at those who embody traits they do not like about themselves. If someone is frustratingly shy, they may grow furious when seeing someone struggle to express him or herself. They are in fact empathizing with that person, but it does not come across that way.
If your husband continually makes “gay” jokes, or has revealed a certain amount of rage towards homosexuals or homosexual behavior, let that be a warning sign to you. Of course, he may just be very much opposed to the gay lifestyle. But at least consider the possibility.
It is now easier than ever to gain access to all types of ****ography. Because it is also possible to track what people are viewing, it is widely considered a risk to view online material that is considered inappropriate in one’s particular setting. If your husband has consistently viewed homosexual ****ography, remember that he probably would not be doing it if he did not enjoy it. It is simply too risky an activity to merely “check out”.
Your husband may also be receiving an inordinate amount of phone calls from men. If they are men you do not know or men that your husband does not willingly bring to your attention (such as an old friend from high school who happened to get in touch with him), be concerned.
Guys typically do like to hang out with each other unless it is in a group setting. Too much alone time with one man is a sign that perhaps your husband is gay. At the very least, you can suspect that he is involved in a level of intimacy with his male friend that he should be saving for you. Trust your instincts in this situation. If you really feel as though something strange is going on, there is probably a legitimate reason.
Another sign that may suggest you have a problem on your hands is if your husband suddenly loses sexual interest in you. If he is difficult to arouse or seems to be on another planet mentally during intimate moments, look into it. Communication is an essential element when trying to discover the truth. Of course, you can always ask your spouse why he appears to be distant during these intimate times.
Be careful not to approach your spouse in an accusatory manner, despite how worried you may be that he is gay. If he does not offer an explanation that is believable, search deeper. You have every right to probe because it is your future and your family’s wellbeing on the line.
Hopefully, you have the means and the fortitude to handle the situation with grace and dignity. People make mistakes. If your husband made the mistake of marrying you when he knew he was gay, you will eventually need to forgive him.
This is especially true if you have children. You want to demonstrate to them how to handle difficult situations and there is perhaps no better opportunity to do this than when you are discovering the truth about their father. If you have suspicions, remember that the above signs are usually good indicators that your husband is gay.
|01-03-2009, 03:39 AM||#3|
I to your mom..
Join Date: May 2004
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I think my hubby is gay.
But I refuse to leave him.
He fuсks me too good.
|01-03-2009, 05:43 AM||#5|
Sex Tape Flop Artist
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If a woman's husband don't wanna **** her, he's probably a fruit.
|01-03-2009, 08:53 AM||#7|
Stritctly UG's friend
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Last edited by squealpiggy; 01-03-2009 at 08:56 AM.
|01-03-2009, 06:43 PM||#9|
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|01-03-2009, 09:36 PM||#10|
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The dude has been a pitcher for so long, he wants to try a different position.
Like 'catcher' for instance. Or a 'goalie' blocking balls and stuff.
It's a sad position to be in, but if he enjoys it, what's the harm?
Some guys are tired of smoking cigars, and wanna switch brands to the ones that....
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