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"My right arm is all out of place like your leg."
On two separate occasions co-workers said something to me about my knock knees.
"Do your knees hurt?" one guy asked.
"What's wrong with your knees?"
The new guy was mean, despite his intentions. After exhausting one of his arms, he said to me,
"I'm gonna have to start jacking off with my left arm. My right arm is all out of place like your leg."
Those words.
"Out of place."
"Like your leg."
His words were left hooks and right hands that caught me cold.
I was in shock.
Like Adrien Broner in the second round of the Maidana fight, I didn't know what hit me.
A jolt of anxiety coursed through my body and mind.
"But I'm not mean to anyone." I thought.
Now that I think about it, all throughout my life people have pointed out my deformity.
While walking behind me, a teacher once asked,
"Do you have a genetic condition in your knees?"
Before that, a middle school P.E. teacher asked,
"Do your knees hurt?"
"No." I said.
"You're limping."
It has really crushed my spirit and destroyed me like Felix Trinidad destroyed Fernando Vargas.
All the fight has been taken out of me. There is no way I can carry myself confidently.
Confidence speaks a foreign language.
It has ruined me.
Now I'm always thinking about other people who notice but don't say anything. There must be a ton of them.
No wonder girls send me "**** off" vibes. They want no part of me. They get one good look at me and think, "Eww. I would not let that guy do me."
I will give my employer my two-week notice tomorrow.
I truly don't belong.
I understand why people take their own lives.
Physically normal people make people like me feel bad, despite their intentions.
As if I wasn't self-conscious enough about my legs... I really wish people would leave me alone. I am already broken down. Punching me more while I'm down doesn't prove anything. Just leave me alone. I know I am an evolutionary dead end.
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