ok gentlemen, id like a mans point of view......

[nillamilkshake]

Ok I'll give this a shot.

1. what does commitment mean to you? To be all-in knowing bumps and risks are going to be involved.

2. what does being in a relationship/marriage
mean to you? Your life is over lol. Seriously, to me it means she's different than the rest and worth the leap

3. how do you feel about your woman
remaining an individual in your relationship? No problem with it.

4. what will you not tolerate in a relationship? Suffocation, lies and uncontrollable jealousy.

5. what does compromise mean to you? That both parties will understand that giving in is now an option.

6. how do you keep the love alive...in other
words, how often do you feel you have to
reinforce the feeling to your woman that 'shes
the one' or that she is appreciated? Reinforce? Never. Appreciate her like you always have. Be spontaneous and at the same time consistent.

Appreciate her by making sure when you converse that it isnt an obligation but an actual interest that you have of her. Do small **** like smile when she tells her story, poke fun at her and "cuddle"(blah) when she's bugging during a game

this made me smile and get misty at the same time, but maybe im just a bit emo today.

yes this is it. not cos you have to but you want to. but the promblem lies when you only want to once in a while.

[Cuauhtémoc1520]

i have 4 really close girlfriends. and three of them are experiencing their marriages/relationships failing.

i happen to be their ear/shoulder...and dont share with the others what they say. there is a common theme tho, and its upsetting to me.

so, while i have deep knowledge of a womans point of view (and i know all relationships are unique, people are different,etc) i would really like to know a mans point of view...

1. what does commitment mean to you?
2. what does being in a relationship/marriage mean to you?
3. how do you feel about your woman remaining an individual in your relationship?
4. what will you not tolerate in a relationship?
5. what does compromise mean to you?
6. how do you keep the love alive...in other words, how often do you feel you have to reinforce the feeling to your woman that 'shes the one' or that she is appreciated?


i know its a lot. but im baffled. i dont understand why people who are obviously head over heels with one another...STILL after so many years...let bull**** get in the way. and im equally baffled why people who DONT feel that way about each other are STILL in relationships that arent failing.

sigh

1. Commitment is dedicating yourself to that person 100%, through good, bad and everything in between. One thing is to be in a relationship, another is to be in a marriage.

2. Being BF and GF is nothing special, being married is much different. Marriage is like a partnership, a contract that both of you sign with your hearts and souls. Your lives are now one, money, living arrangements, kids, work, pastimes...everything.

3. I prefer for my wife to be independent because I need to be the same way. I need time with my friends, at the gym, just doing MY thing. I think it's important because it makes you a whole person and not just half of one couple.

4. Cheating, lying, disloyalty. I told my wife, I will be by your side no matter what happens as long as we are honest and respectful of each other. Once the honesty and respect is gone, the relationship is doomed.

5. Compromise is essential in a marriage. It means learning what your spouse likes, dislikes or wants and doing those things to keep them happy. It's that simple, even if they are things you don't necessarily want to do but if you truly love someone, it will bring you joy to bring them joy.

6. This is a hard one. No matter how big the spark or hot the flame, it will die down. Love changes, it metamorphs into something different than when you first got married or got together. So BOTH people have to be fully invested into wanting the relationship and the partnership to continue. Some couples are there just for the kids, some for finance or just because they are in a comfort zone. Honestly, I think marriage and long term commitment is un-natural for people and very rarely do they work out. Especially in today's world where roles are not clearly defined by men and women.

[NearHypnos]

I allow her to speak to me during a boxing match. That's an honor!

[-jose-]

i have 4 really close girlfriends. and three of them are experiencing their marriages/relationships failing.

i happen to be their ear/shoulder...and dont share with the others what they say. there is a common theme tho, and its upsetting to me.

so, while i have deep knowledge of a womans point of view (and i know all relationships are unique, people are different,etc) i would really like to know a mans point of view...

1. what does commitment mean to you?
2. what does being in a relationship/marriage mean to you?
3. how do you feel about your woman remaining an individual in your relationship?
4. what will you not tolerate in a relationship?
5. what does compromise mean to you?
6. how do you keep the love alive...in other words, how often do you feel you have to reinforce the feeling to your woman that 'shes the one' or that she is appreciated?


i know its a lot. but im baffled. i dont understand why people who are obviously head over heels with one another...STILL after so many years...let bull**** get in the way. and im equally baffled why people who DONT feel that way about each other are STILL in relationships that arent failing.

sigh

very simple,
Happy Wife Happy Life

[squealpiggy]

Men are not naturally monogamous,

Define "naturally". Show me a "naturally monogamous" organism and I'll tell you why you're wrong.

This becomes essentially an excuse making exercise for men who are unable or unwilling to fulfill part of a social contract. It's a poor argument. It's the same argument as the one in which men insist that women cover their faces because the sight of a woman's hair will so inflame his passions that he won't be able to help but to rape her and therefore it will be her fault.

In a way you're right. Men are not naturally monogamous. Neither are women. But that's not what you mean.

so it's always going to happen. The question is, are most men who cheat doing it because they can't control themselves or are they just selfish?

They are unable or unwilling to fulfill their part of a social contract. Same as women who cheat.

It's hard for me to imagine cheating on somebody I love, but I haven't been 'in love' yet so I don't know. Lots of relationships are just based on convenience anyway. Too many people can't live on their own. So what happens is that people don't wait until they are truly happy with themselves and just rush into things, and it all falls apart in the end.

People expect relationships to be easy and they aren't. Everyone, even the most ideally matched pairing, has their own idiosyncrasies, their own way of doing things, and so when you put yourself into close proximity with someone else for extended periods of time you have to either work to reach a compromise or you don't stay together.

[Barn]

1. what does commitment mean to you?

Being able to talk about anything and not hiding anything from each other.

2. what does being in a relationship/marriage mean to you?

Depends.

3. how do you feel about your woman remaining an individual in your relationship?

Be as individual as she wants with her friends etc however if she's unfaithful then it's no bull**** she's out.

4. what will you not tolerate in a relationship?

Adultery and not making the relationship a two way street, if she wants to go out with her friends often then I'm allowed to do the same.

5. what does compromise mean to you?

Being tolerant of others shortcomings, if there is one thing you don't like in a girl, deal with it and appreciate the good things.

6. how do you keep the love alive...in other words, how often do you feel you have to reinforce the feeling to your woman that 'shes the one' or that she is appreciated?

I've never really been in the situation of true love or any of that so I'm not qualified to answer the question.

[Barn]

I allow her to speak to me during a boxing match. That's an honor!

true love........

[nillamilkshake]

thanks guys. a lot of good stuff's been said.

its true that a marital relationship is different than others. however i feel that whatever relationship you are in, both parties should give each other respect and try their best not to do what hurts the other person, esp if they know what that is.

if you cant do that, well then you have no business being with someone on an intimate level, taking advantage of their feelings for you cos youre bored or whatever.

its not right if you cant give what you wanna take.

anyway, thats that.

[hhs661]

this made me smile and get misty at the same time, but maybe im just a bit emo today.

yes this is it. not cos you have to but you want to. but the promblem lies when you only want to once in a while.

but those once in a while moments are better than the forced ones. We know y'all are there, but we're men. We often get distracted by a car, interesting sporting event or sometimes we're just exhausted from the day altogether.

Nonetheless, that 1 day of the week that y'all aint expecting something should reassure you that through all the losses our teams happen to have, our hard day at work or anything else that occupies our day isn't enough to make us forget what we have with y'all. Just sit back enjoy the ride and let us show y'all.. Then again, smacking us upside the head works as well

the end.

[SkillspayBills]

SMH I am going to write a book so people don't have to go through this **** anymore. Ahem...

i have 4 really close girlfriends. and three of them are experiencing their marriages/relationships failing.

i happen to be their ear/shoulder...and dont share with the others what they say. there is a common theme tho, and its upsetting to me.

so, while i have deep knowledge of a womans point of view (and i know all relationships are unique, people are different,etc) i would really like to know a mans point of view...

1. what does commitment mean to you?

Commitment is effort. Relationships, especially long lasting ones, are sustained with constant effort and understanding between to people that no matter how rough it gets, you can make it through. Commitment is also trust. I have to trust that certain decisions that you make (i.e. cheating) won't be a detriment to what we have built and vica versa.
2. what does being in a relationship/marriage mean to you?
That means tha I have made the commitment to put the effort, mentally physically and emotionally into you and expecting the same in return.
3. how do you feel about your woman remaining an individual in your relationship?
I would want nothing else. Space is always a big part of a relationship. Noone wants to feel smothered or that they are being "changed." Having someone that not only accepts but APPRECIATES you for being you is a pillar in a the building that is a strong bond and relationship.
4. what will you not tolerate in a relationship?
Disrespect and lying. These two go hand in hand. Respect me as a man and I will respect you as a woman. Moreover, if you don't have trust than you don't have a foundation.
5. what does compromise mean to you?
Compromise means understanding. I can't begin to tell you how many people call me for advice on their relationships and all they had to do was "Take an L" to resolve the issue. By "taking an L" that means taking a loss ("Alright babe I will do this for you." "Ok babe I am sorry I will try to make that right.") and knowing that taking a small loss, learning to let things go and understanding the bigger picture, which is making your relationship work, will lead to a big win win (a long fufilling relationship)
6. how do you keep the love alive...in other words, how often do you feel you have to reinforce the feeling to your woman that 'shes the one' or that she is appreciated?
Alot of mistakes people in general make is that they assume "You should know." "You should know I love you do I really have to say it?" YES. Like I said earlier relationship are a constant effort, a constant commitment mentally, physically, and emotionally to your significant other. Now you don't have to be a sap about it but reinforcing how much a person means to you semi-frequently (once a week maybe more depending on the person) is never a bad thing.

One quirk me and my ex had was we would say "I Love you" and "I love you too" no matter how mad we were. Upset, angry, tired, just finished crying, just got into a fight, lied about something or really ****ed up if one said "I love you" no matter how much we didn't want to the other would reply with "I love you too." It just reminded us that no matter what our love and our bond was stronger than everything that we went through good or bad.


i know its a lot. but im baffled. i dont understand why people who are obviously head over heels with one another...STILL after so many years...let bull**** get in the way. and im equally baffled why people who DONT feel that way about each other are STILL in relationships that arent failing.

sigh