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About 6 months ago my boyfriend started choking me during sex. I was not into it so I told him to stop, and he did. Then a couple months later I woke up one morning fully bound with duct tape and rope. He must have very carefully done this because I am a light sleeper, but I did not wake up until he tightened the last knot and walked out of the room. Luckily my adrenaline kicked in and I managed to rip the tape and then untie myself quickly. I flipped out and yelled at him never to do that again. After I calmed down we talked about it. He said he never meant to hurt me (I wasn't hurt physically), but it would not have been as sexually stimulating if he had asked my permission first because the "realness" of it would not be there. He was very genuine, apologized profusely, and sent me flowers the next day at work. I believe that he was not trying to hurt me, and he did not try it again.
He is more often than not very aggressive in bed, which I like sometimes but not as frequently as he does, and he gets aggressive quickly instead of working up to it the way I prefer. Generally, outside of the bedroom, he is very sweet. At times he can be controlling, telling me I should not cuss or hang out with certain people. That protective side of him is sweet although a little strange considering he has dated a lot of strippers. (No, I'm not a stripper) Rarely does he get physical by grabbing my arm or telling a random guy at a bar to f*** off and pushing him away just because he asked to borrow my lighter. He is not a "fighter" but has probably been in 3-4 fights in the last 2 years. Once he almost lost his job because of a fight, but he has never hit me. That is something I would never tolerate.
Recently I told a few friends about these incidents, and they all reacted in the same way telling me he's dangerous. Are they overreacting or am I giving him too much credit? They know he's very good to me all the time, but I guess they don't see that every day or they're just not considering it as part of the big picture in the face of this news. They also don't know that he is really fragile. His childhood was not good to say the least. His parents are not there at all or come around only to take advantage of him, which is very sad because he can't say no. I was convinced he just has some sexual fetishes that don't always match my own, but now my friends have me second guessing myself, especially when I look back at how he tied me up while I slept.
I guess I'm just looking for more opinions...
He is more often than not very aggressive in bed, which I like sometimes but not as frequently as he does, and he gets aggressive quickly instead of working up to it the way I prefer. Generally, outside of the bedroom, he is very sweet. At times he can be controlling, telling me I should not cuss or hang out with certain people. That protective side of him is sweet although a little strange considering he has dated a lot of strippers. (No, I'm not a stripper) Rarely does he get physical by grabbing my arm or telling a random guy at a bar to f*** off and pushing him away just because he asked to borrow my lighter. He is not a "fighter" but has probably been in 3-4 fights in the last 2 years. Once he almost lost his job because of a fight, but he has never hit me. That is something I would never tolerate.
Recently I told a few friends about these incidents, and they all reacted in the same way telling me he's dangerous. Are they overreacting or am I giving him too much credit? They know he's very good to me all the time, but I guess they don't see that every day or they're just not considering it as part of the big picture in the face of this news. They also don't know that he is really fragile. His childhood was not good to say the least. His parents are not there at all or come around only to take advantage of him, which is very sad because he can't say no. I was convinced he just has some sexual fetishes that don't always match my own, but now my friends have me second guessing myself, especially when I look back at how he tied me up while I slept.
I guess I'm just looking for more opinions...
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