[PLEASE HELP] Are there any boxers with original stories any more?

[!! Anorak]

I watch this weekly Boxing magazine show over here on Green Teefland, and although it's about world boxing, they've started padding the show out by showing you the "stories" of the boxers involved. Cheaper to make, I guess.

But every one of these bastards are just identikit. I miss the days when a boxer had something to SAY, you know? Here's a typical show:

When I was growin' up, eighteen of my brothers had been shot dead by the po-lice before they was two. I used to think that could have been me, save for Gawd. When we was growin' up, we was so poor that I couldn't even affords me a watermelon. But Gawd had a mission for me, and that was to show kids in mah community there was a better way. Thanks to Gawd, I learned how to punch people in the face for money, and now I can go to KFC whenever I want. I'm prepared to die in that ring and give mah all, thanks to Gawd.

Mucho mucho mucho my brother he end up in prison for stabbing someone over argument over tin of beans, Senor. I knew that I had to change my way, otherwise my path would only lead one of two ways... spend my day getting lots of tattoos, killing a man and ending up in prison.... or listening to 1980s UK electropop music while blowing cock, like Metal Vomit does. Thanks to Jesus, I learned a different way, and will make my kids proud of me. I'll do anything to make them proud, I'm prepared to die in that ring with Jesus in my corner. That's the name of my trainer, by the way.

One thing I've also noticed about lower-tier Green Teef boxers... not to publicise their career, but to talk about losses:

I'll do what I've always done after a loss... come back better than ever.

Put that with stuff like "we'll go back to gym and work on a few things" and "I need to sit down and talk it through with my trainer" and you've got three tedious, "say nothing" cliches for every occasion.

Why not just say "I'll be honest... I'm fuckin' shit." At least someone might get a laugh from it.

[rorymac]

good

[RightJab]

I know it's meant to be funny. But on a dead serial level, i funting well agree.......Damn Mongolians.

[betmen]

Marvelous

negroson

[MrTambourineMan]

I'd allow myself to be erased from existence as long as I was replaced by a Mexican Boxer called Julio Beanez.

[Run]

Negroson and Beanez. Lol.



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[SlySlickSmooth]

I'm prepared to die in that ring with Jesus in my corner. That's the name of my trainer, by the way.

Well, fuck.

[Rostov Papa]

Hahahaha this was hilarious, and so spot on...

[Mr Ehrmantraut]

Great stuff Annie .

[Weebler I]

Strong contribution OP.

Pretty sure I saw that Mucho Mucho Mucho Beanez guy fight in the amateurs before he got sent down.