Got into an argument with some man over my girlfriend tonight...

[Derranged]

Muslims can't drink. That doesn't seem fair.

[racer59]

Muslim Annie has definitely hit his islamic stride

[jaded]

... we had a couple of hours before our fourth prayers of the day, so I thought I'd take her out for a bite to eat.

As we sit down, straight away I notice some man looking over at her, really staring. In Sha ' Allah, I try to ignore it and not get annoyed, and just chat to her. All the time he's staring at her. This goes on for two minutes, three minutes, five minutes...

In the end, he's been sat there for ten minutes just staring at her, so I get up, go over to him and shout in his face "are you staring at my girlfriend's eyelids?"

He started panicking and claimed he wasn't, but it ruined my night and I dragged her out of the restaurant.

On the way back I don't say a word, and just stand there in the kitchen, buttering some Halal toast and fuming to myself.

After a couple of minutes she tries stroking my arm to see what was wrong. That was it - I just lost it completely.

"Thank Lord merciful Allah that I don't use this butter knife to behead you for your sinful behaviour," I cried out, "I told you your Hijab had a slit that was too wide, you tempted Satan this evening!"

With that, I slammed her face in the kitchen drawer, breaking her nose, then threw her to the ground and whipped her with my belt ten times.

"Tomorrow after morning prayers I shall whip you a hundred more times for your sins in the name of the prophet Mohammed!" I told her.

Afterwards I went around the neighbours houses and told them what had happened, and promised them they could take part in her stoning tomorrow.

"If she lives," I informed them, "I'll allow her to beg my forgiveness. But I expect to see the steps of our Mosque covered with her blood as punishment for her sluttish Western-like behaviour."

A lot of people say that Islam is disrespectful to women, but I was standing up for her honour tonight.

Salla Allahu 'Alaihi Wa Sallam.

I wonder if we live in the same neighbourhood...everybody here is always stoned all the time.

[BattlingNelson]

Loooooollll.

[Miburo]

Girlfriend? Whatever happened to arranged marriages without ever seeing the bride? I didn't realize you were so liberal, Annie.

[7_rocket]

TLR

[Rip Chudd]

The fact that she wasn't stoned on the spot shows how merciful you are and how peaceful your religion is. I don't know if I would of had the same patience, you're a better man then me

[Da Machine]

You're asking for ISIS to come get you. You're in the UK, not USA. Be careful. They are there.

This was funny though:

"are you staring at my girlfriend's eyelids?"

[sugarsmosley]

The honorable elijah muhammad teaches us brother to remain calm in situations like this--

wait wrong branch of islam , my bad

[DannYankee]

Goddamit this got me laughing, the second he said the slit was too wide I just died.