Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

5 Hats A Man Must Wear To Have A Healthy Sex Life

Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • 5 Hats A Man Must Wear To Have A Healthy Sex Life

    5 Hats A Man Must Wear To Have A Healthy Sex Life




    As women get more selective about the men they date, men must learn a multitude of new skills that approach professional competency just to enter and maintain sexual relationships with them. For many men, being able to have sex with women is becoming similar to the training they must undertake to land a high-paying career.

    I’ve written many books, but I didn’t only write them—I also had to format the books according to the printer’s specifications, design the covers (or contract them out), do multiple rounds of editing, hire a copy editor, determine pricing, construct enticing summaries, make a web page to sell them on, market the books through multiple channels, and handle customer service. In the past, writers rarely did more than a couple edits of their books before handing it off to the publisher, but self-published authors today have to wear many hats to bring their books to market.

    Becoming a man who can enter relationships with women is not unlike being a self-published writer: you now have to master several processes and skills just to be moderately successful. Below I list the hats a man in the 21st century must wear if he wants to have a healthy sex life.


    Salesman

    As community and social bonds weaken, it’s unlikely that a man will organically meet a good woman in his existing social circles. He will not be introduced to her through his neighbor, church, or family events. Instead, he must learn how to cold approach women in public or learn how to chat them up on the internet.

    Cold approaching, as any professional salesman can tell you, has a high failure rate, and so the man must master playing the “numbers game” by contacting high quan****** of women in order to succeed with just one. He must learn legitimate sales tactics, steel his core against rejection, learn how to deal with wishy-washy leads, and identify signals that the customer wants to buy in order to close the deal. He must even learn how to manage his state and mood so that he can keep approaching cold prospects in the face of long stretches of failure. A man who is good in the game today is quite qualified to be an actual corporate salesman.



    Psychologist

    Approximately 25% of women are diagnosed as mentally ill. Many others are neurotic and approach senility in some form, making them unable to handle normal life situations. Women will constantly whine and stress over their first-world problems and you’ll notice firsthand how it affects their mood, pleasantness, and willingness to have sex. If you want sex to proceed, you must put on the hat of a psychologist to manage her sour mood or budding mental illness in a way that prevents her from ruining the time you share with her or having a complete mental breakdown.

    Just like how a psychologist doesn’t get completely involved in a patient’s life, a man must be careful not to help so much that the woman starts to construe his aid as needy and then withhold sexual benefits. A man must give a woman the tools to continue opening her legs without inserting himself into her problems completely. This takes a delicate balance that actual psychologists possess and receive rates in excess of $100 an hour to perform.



    Soap Opera Writer

    There is nothing more that a modern woman hates than a boring, predictable man. Since her life is already boring and predictable thanks to voluntarily enslaving herself to a corporate career, she seeks excitement and spontaneity outside of it. Therefore as a man you must provide her with the plot twists, uncertainty, and dread that she desperately desires now that her life is safe.

    One key skill of the soap opera writers is never ending the story. Whenever one subplot ends, another begins, and the viewer is forced to watch every episode to hope for a final resolution that actually never comes. As a man, you must mimic the soap opera writer (and to a lesser extent, the romance writer) in structuring your relationship so that the woman wants to keep tuning into you. The worst thing that can happen is she turns off the show and looks elsewhere for the drama and tension she craves.



    Clown

    Not only must a man write the plot lines that excite a woman, he has to act them out as well, creating a one-man show so skilled that it would undoubtedly impress Broadway stage veterans. In addition to producing exciting plots, the man must provide action in the moment through his masterful use of stories, humor, interesting statements, and the most confident of body language. He must also display a wide range of emotions that can instantly go from basic tenderness to anger, from being a silent stoic to an animated raconteur. The man’s human body is but a form to provide entertainment to a woman that keeps her interest level high in the moment.

    It wouldn’t hurt the modern male to take on actual clown behaviors that were historically designed to entertain children. A man can easily excite a woman through the use of magic tricks, cold reading, and silly pranks that enthrall a woman and keep her coming back for more.



    Porn Star

    Since the countercultural revolution of the 1960’s, women have been taught that bodily pleasure experienced through their vaginas is absolutely paramount, more than any emotional connection that can be received from a “good man,” which has become a euphemism for “so boring lol.” Women now require a man to have a handful of tricks in his sexual toolbox so she can be pleasured in a wide variety of sexual positions and styles to utilize her vagina in ways that biology did not originally intend. Only men with porn star levels of energy and ambition will be able to completely satisfy her.

    If a man is unable to sex a woman in the rough and borderline abusive manner she demands, she will get bored and seek out another cock. You must pull her hair, choke her, and simulate rape conditions so that her vagina is excited to the upper reaches of its factory specifications, and do so as long as she requires, with masterful control of your own orgasm in the tantric style. If you do not excite her vagina or at least perform the moves she read about in a book like 50 Shades Of Gray, she will procure rough sex elsewhere.


    Conclusion

    In the past, a man had to simply be polite, have character, and be gainfully employed to get and keep the attentions of a good woman. He only had to be a professional in the job that put bread on the table for his family. That man today would either die a virgin or attempt a murderous shooting spree. Now he must be a salesman, psychologist, soap opera writer, clown, and porn star all wrapped into one seamless package to begin enjoying relationships with attractive women in their fertile prime. The set of skills for each profession must be good enough that the man could begin to compete with actual professionals in those respective fields.

    If a man wants to get laid at all with any woman, even low quality ones, he must at least possess basic competency for each profession. Otherwise, he may want to try a hobby like stamp collecting to fill his future lonely nights.
    Last edited by cupocity303; 06-05-2015, 10:49 AM.

  • #2
    What did I just read..... I'm like NONE of those. Uh oh....

    I really lol'd at the Soap Opera one, who the **** wrote this bull ****?
    Last edited by Rudyo; 06-05-2015, 11:08 AM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Just say it PLAINLY "Play into their DRAMA" and you'll get your piece all the time!.

      Comment


      • #4




        What about that?

        Comment


        • #5
          I thought this was going to be a thread about jimmy hats.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Beercules View Post




            What about that?
            How about John Cena's hat?


            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by SlySlickSmooth View Post
              How about John Cena's hat?


              Cena wrestles 4 justice, chicks dig that.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by SlySlickSmooth View Post
                How about John Cena's hat?


                Thats probably what child molesters wear because Only kids like Cena.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Amazinger View Post
                  Just say it PLAINLY "Play into their DRAMA" and you'll get your piece all the time!.

                  I find this works the best. I pretend to care what is going on with various things in my wife's life including her day, her TV shows and some ***** from work. You really gotta work for the ***** when you're married.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    War John Cena.


                    On Mondays when I'm bored I actually watch WWE. So funny.

                    Comment

                    Working...
                    X
                    TOP