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So I woke up around 10 on a Saturday. I felt something stirring in my stomach, it was hunger. I strolled into the kitchen to make myself a weekend feast. “What to eat?” I wondered, “Too late for breakfast, too early for lunch.”. Then I got it, I reached into the counter to get my bowl, then pulled a spoon out of a drawer. After dumping Apple Jacks into my bowl, my meal was almost complete. Then running to the fridge I flew open the door, eyes scanning the multiple selves looking for the milk. “I know it’s in here; it has to be; there’s always milk”. I did not see any. I yelled, “Mom, Dad? Is anyone home?” No answer. It was then, right there, I decided to go on the most important journey of my life.
I needed a mode of transportation for my quest. I could not use my bike since it was in disrepair. The next thing I saw was my dad’s boat. After climbing up the ladder I realized that I was in a boat in a driveway 5 miles from any water. Finally I ran out to the road to perform the art of hitchhiking. After an hour of standing on Route 2 a car slowed down and I walked over. The car was an old station wagon. Nothing weird about that; its not like pedophiles drive station wagons.
The middle-aged balding man was extremely nice to me, like offering candy and sweets. I climbed into the vehicle and looked around.
“Where ya headin’?” the man asked.
I replied, “The High School.” I was going to get my nutrient filled liquid from the cafeteria. After riding in the kind mans car for about 10 minutes I realized that this wasn’t the way to school.
After arriving at this strange man’s house I got out of the car to inspect my surroundings. The outside looked like the normal American residence. Then, the man threw me in his basement before I could do anything. This confused me, how could a man go from so nice to so barbaric so quickly. The basement was extremely dark but I sensed another person in there. I walked over and found a light switch and turned it on. I saw samurai swords, ninja stars, and plenty of all black jumpsuits.
I said, “Hello? Is anyone here?”
The person replied, “What are we doing here?”
“I have no idea”
He said, “I’m not sure, but that guy who brought us here is a ninja.”
I gasped. “A ninja? The deadliest thing in the world?” After that I knew I had to get out. I ran up the stairs and the door was locked. I was freaking out. Then I looked up and saw a small window and a ladder next to it. I laughed, what a foolish ninja leaving such a simple escape. I climbed up the ladder and out the window. Then inside the house I heard the gruesome noises of a ninja unleashing its full force. The kid was asking for my help screaming in pain. I simply walked away, like I would help someone when I was in need of milk.
After walking up to the school I was about to receive the treasure of my journey. I approached the cafeteria but I could sense something was amiss. I recognized that the cafeteria was empty. Its 11:30, B lunch should be in here. Then I realized how much of an idiot I was, it was Saturday! Severely angered over a wasted hour and a half I ran outside. Still full of anger I looked around until I saw a homeless guy just standing there. I ran over to this hobo and told him of my expedition for milk. He looked back at me in a blank stare and said, “You moron, just go to a grocery store and buy some.”
I realized that this was a foolproof plan. So I mosied on down to the IGA from hitchhiking in various strangers cars (asking if they were ninjas first, of course).
After arriving in the store I went straight to the dairy section and picked up a carton of my delicious milk. I went up to the check out and the cashier said, “That will be three dollars.”
I reached into my pocked to secure the funds necessary for the purchase. After fishing around for a while I realized that my pockets were empty.
Broken hearted I declared, “I don’t have any money.”
“Hey sonny boy,” I heard from an old man’s voice, “Are you in need of some milk?”
I looked over and saw an elderly man with a cane and a pipe sitting on a stool in the corner. “Why yes I do need some.”
“Well I know of a place where the cows frolic in the meadows, the cheese grows like shrubbery and the milk flows like water.”
I replied, “Wow what a wonderful place that must be. Where is it?”
“Canada”
“Aw man I don’t wanna go to Canada, is there any place closer?”
He replied, “Hmmmm, I know of a place about 5 miles from here”
“Great”, I said and strolled out of the IGA. I raced through the rolling knolls and crossed the treacherous tributaries to this magical land of dairy products. I must have hiked for at least like 20 minutes until I came upon a cow. Oh this was no ordinary cow because it could speak.
“Halt there, you may not pass,” the heifer declared.
“Oh great a talking cow. What else do I need?” I said.
The cow looking annoyed, punched me right in the nose, and I fell to the dirt.
“Before you can enter the Land of Milk you must get me something,” the evil cow boomed.
“What do you want? Hamburgers?”
Extremely angry now the cow kicked me in the chin. “I want you to bring me some Chick-Fil-A,” the cow ordered.
“Chicken? I thought cows were herbivores,” I responded.
“Hahahaha,” the cow laughed, “Herbivores? You humans are foolish, Cows are the 3rd most deadly things on the earth after hard candy and ninjas.”
I had to trick this cow; no way was I going to waste some delicious Chick-Fil-A on any organism but me. That’s it; I was going to choke him with some hard candy! I scowered the woods for any hint of candy until I came upon a half eaten butterscotch toffee on the ground. I brought it back to the gate-keeping cow.
“Here try this,” I handed out the candy to him. “It’s better than Chick-Fil-A.
“Hmmmm, If you say so,” then he started to choke in extreme pain and horror. I had defeated the cow.
I was astonished by the sight of all of the milk and cheese. It was so much dairy it would make a lactose-intolerant person die from the sight. I followed the wise mans words and looked for the stream-o-milk. After strolling for what seemed like 10 minutes, I came across the thing I was looking for… sweet, delicious, free milk.
ran over to the wonderful sight and tasted it to be sure it was milk. It was the freshest most delicious thing I have ever tasted in all of my years of existence. I grabbed a jar that just happened to be sitting there and filled it to the brim with the liquid. And I ran all the way home, over the hills and babbling brooks, past the IGA, past the house of the Ninja, down route 2. I had arrived back at my house and busted the door open, wanting to devour my feast, running in I opened the jar and began the pour it all over my Apple Jacks. My mom was just staring at me.
“Where did you get that milk?” she asked.
I went on about the hitchhiking, kidnapping, and trickery that had occurred over the past few hours and my mom looked at me and said, “You had me worried sick! I called the police thinking you were kidnapped while making your breakfast. Why did you do all of that anyway, we had milk in the refrigerator.”
Hearing this, it broke my heart. I hurried back into the kitchen and checked the fridge to see if this was some kind of cruel joke.
My mom came walking back in and told me, “ Yea, it’s right there behind the potato salad.”
I moved aside the bowl of spuds and saw a half full carton of milk…
I needed a mode of transportation for my quest. I could not use my bike since it was in disrepair. The next thing I saw was my dad’s boat. After climbing up the ladder I realized that I was in a boat in a driveway 5 miles from any water. Finally I ran out to the road to perform the art of hitchhiking. After an hour of standing on Route 2 a car slowed down and I walked over. The car was an old station wagon. Nothing weird about that; its not like pedophiles drive station wagons.
The middle-aged balding man was extremely nice to me, like offering candy and sweets. I climbed into the vehicle and looked around.
“Where ya headin’?” the man asked.
I replied, “The High School.” I was going to get my nutrient filled liquid from the cafeteria. After riding in the kind mans car for about 10 minutes I realized that this wasn’t the way to school.
After arriving at this strange man’s house I got out of the car to inspect my surroundings. The outside looked like the normal American residence. Then, the man threw me in his basement before I could do anything. This confused me, how could a man go from so nice to so barbaric so quickly. The basement was extremely dark but I sensed another person in there. I walked over and found a light switch and turned it on. I saw samurai swords, ninja stars, and plenty of all black jumpsuits.
I said, “Hello? Is anyone here?”
The person replied, “What are we doing here?”
“I have no idea”
He said, “I’m not sure, but that guy who brought us here is a ninja.”
I gasped. “A ninja? The deadliest thing in the world?” After that I knew I had to get out. I ran up the stairs and the door was locked. I was freaking out. Then I looked up and saw a small window and a ladder next to it. I laughed, what a foolish ninja leaving such a simple escape. I climbed up the ladder and out the window. Then inside the house I heard the gruesome noises of a ninja unleashing its full force. The kid was asking for my help screaming in pain. I simply walked away, like I would help someone when I was in need of milk.
After walking up to the school I was about to receive the treasure of my journey. I approached the cafeteria but I could sense something was amiss. I recognized that the cafeteria was empty. Its 11:30, B lunch should be in here. Then I realized how much of an idiot I was, it was Saturday! Severely angered over a wasted hour and a half I ran outside. Still full of anger I looked around until I saw a homeless guy just standing there. I ran over to this hobo and told him of my expedition for milk. He looked back at me in a blank stare and said, “You moron, just go to a grocery store and buy some.”
I realized that this was a foolproof plan. So I mosied on down to the IGA from hitchhiking in various strangers cars (asking if they were ninjas first, of course).
After arriving in the store I went straight to the dairy section and picked up a carton of my delicious milk. I went up to the check out and the cashier said, “That will be three dollars.”
I reached into my pocked to secure the funds necessary for the purchase. After fishing around for a while I realized that my pockets were empty.
Broken hearted I declared, “I don’t have any money.”
“Hey sonny boy,” I heard from an old man’s voice, “Are you in need of some milk?”
I looked over and saw an elderly man with a cane and a pipe sitting on a stool in the corner. “Why yes I do need some.”
“Well I know of a place where the cows frolic in the meadows, the cheese grows like shrubbery and the milk flows like water.”
I replied, “Wow what a wonderful place that must be. Where is it?”
“Canada”
“Aw man I don’t wanna go to Canada, is there any place closer?”
He replied, “Hmmmm, I know of a place about 5 miles from here”
“Great”, I said and strolled out of the IGA. I raced through the rolling knolls and crossed the treacherous tributaries to this magical land of dairy products. I must have hiked for at least like 20 minutes until I came upon a cow. Oh this was no ordinary cow because it could speak.
“Halt there, you may not pass,” the heifer declared.
“Oh great a talking cow. What else do I need?” I said.
The cow looking annoyed, punched me right in the nose, and I fell to the dirt.
“Before you can enter the Land of Milk you must get me something,” the evil cow boomed.
“What do you want? Hamburgers?”
Extremely angry now the cow kicked me in the chin. “I want you to bring me some Chick-Fil-A,” the cow ordered.
“Chicken? I thought cows were herbivores,” I responded.
“Hahahaha,” the cow laughed, “Herbivores? You humans are foolish, Cows are the 3rd most deadly things on the earth after hard candy and ninjas.”
I had to trick this cow; no way was I going to waste some delicious Chick-Fil-A on any organism but me. That’s it; I was going to choke him with some hard candy! I scowered the woods for any hint of candy until I came upon a half eaten butterscotch toffee on the ground. I brought it back to the gate-keeping cow.
“Here try this,” I handed out the candy to him. “It’s better than Chick-Fil-A.
“Hmmmm, If you say so,” then he started to choke in extreme pain and horror. I had defeated the cow.
I was astonished by the sight of all of the milk and cheese. It was so much dairy it would make a lactose-intolerant person die from the sight. I followed the wise mans words and looked for the stream-o-milk. After strolling for what seemed like 10 minutes, I came across the thing I was looking for… sweet, delicious, free milk.
ran over to the wonderful sight and tasted it to be sure it was milk. It was the freshest most delicious thing I have ever tasted in all of my years of existence. I grabbed a jar that just happened to be sitting there and filled it to the brim with the liquid. And I ran all the way home, over the hills and babbling brooks, past the IGA, past the house of the Ninja, down route 2. I had arrived back at my house and busted the door open, wanting to devour my feast, running in I opened the jar and began the pour it all over my Apple Jacks. My mom was just staring at me.
“Where did you get that milk?” she asked.
I went on about the hitchhiking, kidnapping, and trickery that had occurred over the past few hours and my mom looked at me and said, “You had me worried sick! I called the police thinking you were kidnapped while making your breakfast. Why did you do all of that anyway, we had milk in the refrigerator.”
Hearing this, it broke my heart. I hurried back into the kitchen and checked the fridge to see if this was some kind of cruel joke.
My mom came walking back in and told me, “ Yea, it’s right there behind the potato salad.”
I moved aside the bowl of spuds and saw a half full carton of milk…
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