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  • Humor, Post a joke or two.

    A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her ******* lips reduced in size because they were loose and flapping. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

    Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor.

    "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"

    The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him:

    "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself."

    "The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago."

    "And what about the third rose?" she asked.

    "Oh, that rose is from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears.

  • #2

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    • #3
      Husband emerged from the bathroom naked
      and was climbing into bed when
      his wife complained, as usual, "I have a
      headache!"

      "Perfect," her husband said.

      "I was in the bathroom powdering my penis
      with aspirin.
      You can take it orally or as a
      suppository, it's up to you!"

      Comment


      • #4
        Written in the toilet stall at my LOCAL pub..

        1st person: I ****ed your MOTHER!!!!
        2nd person: Go home DAD!! you're DRUNK!

        Comment


        • #5
          NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND

          Following are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a West Virginia school
          district. (Spelling has been left intact.)

          1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please
          execute him.

          2. Please exkuce Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

          3. DearSchool: Please escs John being absent on Jan 28, 29, 30, 31, 32.
          And also 33.

          4. Please excuse Gloris from jim today. She is administrating.

          5. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was
          hurt in the growing part.

          6. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by
          very close veins.

          7. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

          8. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

          9. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre dyrea
          direathe the ****s.

          10. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. (This one
          might acually be legit!)

          11. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because
          don know what size she wear.

          11. My daughater was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a
          weekend with the Marines.

          12. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and
          could not breed well.

          13. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with
          gramps.

          14. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

          15. Please excuse Brenda. She has been sick and under a doctor.

          16. Maryann was absent december 11-16 because she had a fever, sorethroat,
          headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sorethroat.
          Her
          brother had a lowgarde fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either
          sore throat
          and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot
          last night.

          And...the undisputed winner:

          17. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get
          the Sunday
          paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

          Comment


          • #6
            2 muffins sitting in an oven.

            One muffin goes, "whoa, its hot in here"

            Second muffin reply's, "whoa! a talking muffin!"

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by kfootball15 View Post
              2 muffins sitting in an oven.

              One muffin goes, "whoa, its hot in here"

              Second muffin reply's, "whoa! a talking muffin!"
              in a joe dirt voice WHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

              Comment


              • #8
                very offensive incest joke done in white DON'T quote it >>> A girl needs $10 to go to movies with her friends so she ask her dad. He says yeah sure but you know what you have to do for it . She does her thing and right as she gets done she looks up and says hey dad your dick taste like **** he looks down to her and says I know your brother just barrowed the car .

                Comment


                • #9
                  ^^^Damn...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    wtf??? lol... wierd joke...

                    Comment

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