The top ten people I'd most like to **** right now...

Have you got a top ten? I don't care. This is my list, which I will unveil over the next few days as I muse upon this intellectual plane of thought...

1. Danny Williams


No explanation necessary.

2. Miley Cyrus


She's not my number two, she's just the second as I present them to you. Young enough to be my daughter, I dunno what it is about chipmunk-faced harridan Miley that makes me want to **** her senseless. I think it's the all-pervading aura of 100% Yankosity that she possesses, the sense that this is a girl whose first words were "like, freakin' totally awesome". It's that sense of incessant inanity that makes me want to nail Miley's clitoris to rusty iron gate while I brutally sodomise her, before phoning up her dad Billy Ray and telling him I've just given his daughter an Achy, Breaky Arse.

We've all thought it, right?

3. Kelly Brook


Physically, I find Kelly Brook highly attractive, though purists might argue she's not as perky as she once was. However, it's what's between her ears that really counts, and, unfortunately in Kelly's case, there's very little.

I think it would maybe be best if she was in a US jail cell with four big black mommas, all of whom take it in turns to fist her and wear her like a glove puppet as they force her to pledge allegiance to the flag while squirting in her mouth until she chokes.

"Mmmm-hmmmm, missy, I'sa sure feels me your *******, white girl! You'sa gonna eat some o' mah pussy!"


Yes. I find this good.

[Canelo Phresh]

No Justin Beiber?

4. Charlotte Church


Is Charlotte Church known much outside of the UK? She had a classical album out years ago when she was younger, **** of an Angel or summat.

Now, there's better looking girls in the world than Charlotte Church. There's even some with better ****. But there's just some inexplicable something about this Calzaghe relative that makes me not only want to put my willy inside her and move it until white stuff comes out, but I'd even like to grow my own vagina so that she can **** it with a strap on. A girl once said to me in bed that women have better orgasms, and it's intrigued me for years. If I grew my own vag and Charlotte flicked it off, would it be better than if she tossed off my taddywhacker as it is?

An unsolved mystery of the universe, cos we'll never know.

No Justin Beiber?

I don't want to kill the suspense, cos we've still got six to go.

But talking of ****ing things, then Beiber certainly qualifies as a ****.

[Bretty Poy32]

i just googles charlotte church, what a **** she has

i just googles charlotte church, what a **** she has

[rorymac]

Brilliant thread. Agree with every word you say about Miley

I like the meat on it: