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#1
Old 06-06-2010, 07:18 AM
Sparked_1985
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Default The British Holiday of Tit Monday





Ah, Tit Monday. It's not that far off now...

That glorious day when, heading into work on the bus, or walking to the tube, or sitting on the train, you find yourself suddenly chirpier than you have been in months. You find yourself smiling at strangers again. There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers that comes and goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat.

And then you get a text around lunchtime from a mate which says: "At last, Tit Monday!" And you instantly understand why you are so happy. For Tit Monday is that special day in the year when, for the first time, the temperature rises above that magical point which causes girls getting dressed in the morning to decide to show a bit of skin.

After months of dull colours and chunky knit, the world's birds suddenly dive into last summer's wardrobe (they've not had chance to buy this season's stuff) and chuck it on without a thought. Your urban landscape is suddenly lightened with acres of naked arm and leg and, after many dark months of burrowing, breasts rising to the surface like moles at dusk.

Big breasts in white work shirts straining at the buttons. Small breasts braless in vest tops, the nipples frotted by ribby fabrics. Breasts in summer dresses bouncing in the distance so that they catch your eye before you even notice there is someone wearing them. Breasts nudging out from the crowd at traffic islands, quivering to cross the road...

And you know it is nearly summer. For previous generations, the arrival of spring was heralded by the sound of the first cuckoo. For us, it is Tit Monday.

Not that it always falls on a Monday. Like Easter, Tit Monday is a moveable feast. Last year it fell on a Friday. Friday 29 April, to be precise, when temperatures maxed out at 22.1C after nothing much above 16C all year.

And then, of course, there is Tit Monday Night. You see, in early summer, temperatures drop off very dramatically when night falls (Tit Friday 2005 dropped away to a parky 11.8C). But the dollies are not prepared. Slightly stunned by the morning heat, they drag out the summer clothes but forget to bring a cardie (a mistake they will not make again until next year), so that when they're all standing outside All Bar One after work celebrating the arrival of summer, their barely covered nipples have no protection from the cold. It's like a Bring-and-Buy sale where everyone has brought hat pegs. It's like a prog-rock gig where, instead of lighters, everyone is holding up nipples.

So when will Tit Monday fall this year? Will you be the first to text your mates with the announcement? Do not shoot your bolt too early. There will be false starts. You will smell fresh cut grass and see a couple of early starters and feel compelled to declare Tit Monday. But your more level-headed friends will tell you to hold your horses, keep your powder dry, don't fire until you see the whites of their bra straps.

As the poet said: one bold Northern slapper in a bikini doth not a summer make.
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#2
Old 06-06-2010, 07:26 AM
gingeralbino
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aaahhhh tit monday.

AMAZING day. I dont live in a city now, im out in the sticks, so its hard to declare such a day, but i would have assumed it was last week when it hit about 24?
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#3
Old 06-06-2010, 07:27 AM
project xxx1
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im not reading all of that because your getting a hard on about seeing a bit of flesh
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#4
Old 06-06-2010, 07:28 AM
Sparked_1985
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gingeralbino View Post
aaahhhh tit monday.

AMAZING day. I dont live in a city now, im out in the sticks, so its hard to declare such a day, but i would have assumed it was last week when it hit about 24?
Yeah it was definetely last week.

You can tell not by the younger women but when you get a middle-age broad getting the chapettes out.
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#5
Old 06-06-2010, 07:30 AM
Sparked_1985
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To start off your collection and for being a good poster. - S a m u r a i To an entertaining fella - don't lose this account!! - KrisSilver Tia Maria and Lucozade for the man. - Chunk No Message - Sir TomJones Prepare the champagne. We are finally gonna win the CL with Hiddink on the team. - cannonball_X 
No Message - Sir TomJones 
World Trade Center Victims and Heroes - Fireworks Safety - The Scientist Mourning - Anti-Gang - Melanoma - iBreakbeat 
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by project xxx1 View Post
im not reading all of that because your getting a hard on about seeing a bit of flesh
I didn't write that.

But, Tit Monday is an institution that must be praised.
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#6
Old 06-06-2010, 07:34 AM
project xxx1
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No Message - Tha_Greatest No Message - Tha_Greatest No Message - Tha_Greatest enough of Super! - D.I.E.S.E.L Thanks for the green - rorymac 
I don't know ... I feel like giving you a pressie. :) - *Boss Lady* act like you know.. - D.I.E.S.E.L for being fair - Ogecca MaMa Thanks Darling! To you too! I hope you have a lovely New Year as well xx - *Boss Lady* :kiss: - *Boss Lady* 
Happy 15k :D :D x - *Boss Lady* For having a manly heart - Smokin'J love your sig still :lol1: - Bossy Happy Birthday, brother. - Terrel :love: - Bossy 
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Mourning - Anti-Gang - Melanoma - Tha_Greatest Mourning - Anti-Gang - Melanoma - Tha_Greatest Mourning - Anti-Gang - Melanoma - Tha_Greatest Mourning - Anti-Gang - Melanoma - Tha_Greatest Mourning - Anti-Gang - Melanoma - Tha_Greatest 
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparked_1985 View Post
I didn't write that.

But, Tit Monday is an institution that must be praised.
ok mate if you didnt write that then a good find but just woke up and cant be bothered to read all that but i will later on
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