ok gentlemen, id like a mans point of view......

[nillamilkshake]

SMH I am going to write a book so people don't have to go through this **** anymore. Ahem...

ok Skills, finally have some time to reply properly.

i like what youve said, i like a lot of whats been said by others. and i thank you all for the time and effort put in to replying. it seems to me that what men want, well so do women. we dont want anything different from you in a relationship. love, commitment, yet space to be ourselves. we want YOU to be the one we go to when the world sucks and people are crap. perhaps, cos we are the more emotional ones, we need that comfort a little bit more. but, personally, i dont want some guy up my a$$ all day checking my whereabouts, etc. sigh. most of us can accept the fact that men like to look at women. and being connected to us will not stop that. its flattering if you put me in the same group of women i see you oogle. if in fact, you still oogle me. most importantly, to me, is that my feelings are important to you. no matter what it is thats upsetting me,ifyou think im sensitive or whatever...if it upsets me...it should be important to you. i dont want to change you, i want you to remain the same man you were when i fell inlove with you...strong and incontrol. just give me the best of you, like i give you the best of me. anyway, thats that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nillamilkshake
i have 4 really close girlfriends. and three of them are experiencing their marriages/relationships failing.

i happen to be their ear/shoulder...and dont share with the others what they say. there is a common theme tho, and its upsetting to me.

so, while i have deep knowledge of a womans point of view (and i know all relationships are unique, people are different,etc) i would really like to know a mans point of view...

1. what does commitment mean to you?

Commitment is effort. Relationships, especially long lasting ones, are sustained with constant effort and understanding between to people that no matter how rough it gets, you can make it through. Commitment is also trust. I have to trust that certain decisions that you make (i.e. cheating) won't be a detriment to what we have built and vica versa.
2. what does being in a relationship/marriage mean to you?
That means tha I have made the commitment to put the effort, mentally physically and emotionally into you and expecting the same in return.
3. how do you feel about your woman remaining an individual in your relationship?
I would want nothing else. Space is always a big part of a relationship. Noone wants to feel smothered or that they are being "changed." Having someone that not only accepts but APPRECIATES you for being you is a pillar in a the building that is a strong bond and relationship.
4. what will you not tolerate in a relationship?
Disrespect and lying. These two go hand in hand. Respect me as a man and I will respect you as a woman. Moreover, if you don't have trust than you don't have a foundation.
5. what does compromise mean to you?
Compromise means understanding. I can't begin to tell you how many people call me for advice on their relationships and all they had to do was "Take an L" to resolve the issue. By "taking an L" that means taking a loss ("Alright babe I will do this for you." "Ok babe I am sorry I will try to make that right.") and knowing that taking a small loss, learning to let things go and understanding the bigger picture, which is making your relationship work, will lead to a big win win (a long fufilling relationship)
6. how do you keep the love alive...in other words, how often do you feel you have to reinforce the feeling to your woman that 'shes the one' or that she is appreciated?
Alot of mistakes people in general make is that they assume "You should know." "You should know I love you do I really have to say it?" YES. Like I said earlier relationship are a constant effort, a constant commitment mentally, physically, and emotionally to your significant other. Now you don't have to be a sap about it but reinforcing how much a person means to you semi-frequently (once a week maybe more depending on the person) is never a bad thing.

One quirk me and my ex had was we would say "I Love you" and "I love you too" no matter how mad we were. Upset, angry, tired, just finished crying, just got into a fight, lied about something or really ****ed up if one said "I love you" no matter how much we didn't want to the other would reply with "I love you too." It just reminded us that no matter what our love and our bond was stronger than everything that we went through good or bad.

i like that last bit most

i know its a lot. but im baffled. i dont understand why people who are obviously head over heels with one another...STILL after so many years...let bull**** get in the way. and im equally baffled why people who DONT feel that way about each other are STILL in relationships that arent failing.

sigh


thank you xoxoxooxx

[SkillspayBills]

That was a long post I promise I will read when I get back from making this yenom.

[AssasinKing]

1. what does commitment mean to you?

Proving 2 one another why you trust each other so much, having someone there you can tell anything to and you know they wouldnt ever mention it again. An understanding, some kind of love, friendship and there has to be some kind of attraction

2. what does being in a relationship/marriage mean to you?

Relationship: You found someone who could be someone worth spending your time with, you share the same similar interests...understand each other, accept one another or things that you both have done, its like a new beginning, there needs to be a respect there, and trust.

3. how do you feel about your woman remaining an individual in your relationship?

I wouldnt ever go for another woman if I have one in my life, what more would I want if I think I have the perfect girl? (I dunno if I misunderstood this)

4. what will you not tolerate in a relationship?

A woman disrespecting me, or not putting in any effort, small lies are a big thing to me, without trust what do you actually have in a relationship?

5. what does compromise mean to you?

You both come to some kind of agreement on something that initially might be seen at 2 different ends of the spectrum

6. how do you keep the love alive...in other words, how often do you feel you have to reinforce the feeling to your woman that 'shes the one' or that she is appreciated?

Haven't been in love but, in my last relationship, id let her know what I think of her when I thought she needed to be told....or just telling her she looks beautiful cos I felt like saying it....I wouldnt keep saying it or it would just be meaningless ...

[KING MEAT]

Lol. Who's the TS?

Mods, check.

tuas alt

[nillamilkshake]

That was a long post I promise I will read when I get back from making this yenom.

sure, whenever, its fine. even if youdont, just didnt want you to think i was being rude and disregarded your effort

[nillamilkshake]

1. what does commitment mean to you?

Proving 2 one another why you trust each other so much, having someone there you can tell anything to and you know they wouldnt ever mention it again. An understanding, some kind of love, friendship and there has to be some kind of attraction

2. what does being in a relationship/marriage mean to you?

Relationship: You found someone who could be someone worth spending your time with, you share the same similar interests...understand each other, accept one another or things that you both have done, its like a new beginning, there needs to be a respect there, and trust.

3. how do you feel about your woman remaining an individual in your relationship?

I wouldnt ever go for another woman if I have one in my life, what more would I want if I think I have the perfect girl? (I dunno if I misunderstood this)

well i meant that she would maintain her individual identity..interests and time to do the things she likes to do, keep her friends,etc. but i love what you said, its absolutely perfect

4. what will you not tolerate in a relationship?

A woman disrespecting me, or not putting in any effort, small lies are a big thing to me, without trust what do you actually have in a relationship?

5. what does compromise mean to you?

You both come to some kind of agreement on something that initially might be seen at 2 different ends of the spectrum

6. how do you keep the love alive...in other words, how often do you feel you have to reinforce the feeling to your woman that 'shes the one' or that she is appreciated?

Haven't been in love but, in my last relationship, id let her know what I think of her when I thought she needed to be told....or just telling her she looks beautiful cos I felt like saying it....I wouldnt keep saying it or it would just be meaningless ...

well thats a great attitude even if you havent been inlove yet. i imagine when you are, she will be a very happy girl.

[shadyivlife]

Been dealing with a lot relationship wise, so it was actually cool writing down my thoughts on each of these questions.

1. what does commitment mean to you?

Commitment means that you are consciously making a DECISION to BE with ONE person and to do ALL you can to work through problems that will inevitably come up in a relationship because you value your partner and want to make things WORK. A lot of girls confuse commitment with you tolerating constant nonsense, selfishness and childish behavior on her part. Commitment has it's LIMITS, and when the good starts to heavily outweigh the bad, it's time to reconsider before you "commit" yourself into a mental hospital.

2. what does being in a relationship/marriage mean to you?

It mean's that you found that ONE person that's amazing enough to make you wanna forget about the dating world and just be with them...and not feel like you're missing out on anything, but instead feel like you're gaining something special.

3. how do you feel about your woman remaining an individual in your relationship?

I wouldn't have it any other way. In fact, I'd highly encourage it. There's nothing worse then a girl not having her own individual life and NEEDING to be a part of everything you do. If you lose your individuality, who you are becomes dependent on your partner. What happens then if they leave you, or they die? Who are you then? Besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

4. what will you not tolerate in a relationship?

Cheating obviously is number one, but insecurity is right behind it. Insecurity leads to everything else. Lack of trust, being clingy, nagging, extreme jealousy, bitterness. Childish manipulative behavior is not sexy at all. A grown woman with confidence is the key to keeping your man happy.

5. what does compromise mean to you?

Compromise to me means doing something you don't necessarily WANT to do because you know it would make your girl happy by doing it. It's putting somebody else's needs before yours, out of love. Give and take. It has to go BOTH ways.

6. how do you keep the love alive...in other words, how often do you feel you have to reinforce the feeling to your woman that 'shes the one' or that she is appreciated?

I feel like you don't need to constantly say "I Love You" in order to reinforce to your woman how you feel about her. Of course it doesn't hurt to say it from time to time, but I always felt that ACTIONS speak louder than words. You can tell me you "LOVE ME" until the sun comes up, but if your ACTIONS don't match your words, your words are hollow.

[Cuauhtémoc1520]

There's also something that most younger people don't understand and don't get. It's that love changes with time, it's not the same, butterfly feeling type love you get when you first meet or are together for the first few years.

It tranforms into something different, a more mature love and some people can't deal with that. Some people are naive and think that love will always feel the same no matter how long one has been together. It doesn't...........

Relationships are hard, to be honest, I'm going through some tough issues right now. I never talk about personal things on here but I'm dealing with some things myself and sometimes there's nobody to blame, things just happen.

[sukhenkoy]

1. what does commitment mean to you?
No cheating - emotional or physical.
2. what does being in a relationship/marriage mean to you?
Respecting the person, enjoying their company, and being loyal from beginning to end of the relationship.
3. how do you feel about your woman remaining an individual in your relationship?
Have no issue with it whatsoever. In fact, I encourage it. I don't necessarily agree with the idea that either party in the relationship should change the fundamentals that make them who they are.
4. what will you not tolerate in a relationship?
Cheating and disrespect. Also, I don't like the idea of one party trying to change the other party fundamentally as a person.
5. what does compromise mean to you?
Being able to do things that you might not normally do if you know it makes your partner happy.
6. how do you keep the love alive...in other words, how often do you feel you have to reinforce the feeling to your woman that 'shes the one' or that she is appreciated?
I believe that my girlfriend should know it throughout the relationship. I am a very stoic and unemotional person, so it is difficult for me to really "show" that I love her. Nonetheless, I think she can tell by my actions that I care for her and really want to see her happy. I always stress that if she becomes unhappy with the relationship, she should tell me. If it comes to the point where she is always going to be unhappy, I would recommend to her to find someone that makes her happy.

[sukhenkoy]

There's also something that most younger people don't understand and don't get. It's that love changes with time, it's not the same, butterfly feeling type love you get when you first meet or are together for the first few years.

It tranforms into something different, a more mature love and some people can't deal with that. Some people are naive and think that love will always feel the same no matter how long one has been together. It doesn't...........

Relationships are hard, to be honest, I'm going through some tough issues right now. I never talk about personal things on here but I'm dealing with some things myself and sometimes there's nobody to blame, things just happen.

Good point. I think that with any relationship, you should be able to communicate with your partner as a friend. When you get old and you're both saggy and unattractive, you won't have much left besides knowing that you enjoy the person's company and value their intellectual stimulation.