Pinoy Lang

[Dale Cardon]

KiLi – KiLi



Paano mo sasabihin

sa isang Girl na

Maitim ang KiLi KiLi

niya na hindi siya

masasaktan..?!

Ganito ..

Boy: Miss! Miss! anu Deodorant mo?!

Kiwi?!

[Dale Cardon]

Panget Baba!



Driver: Yung mga panget dyan pwede na bumaba, may checkpoint ksi sa kanto…

Pasahero: Tapos kuya? Sinong magdadrive?

bastusan?

[Dale Cardon]

panget at lasing



sa isng tindahan may lasenggero at may panget

lassenggero; hoy panget .,ang panget ng mukha mo hahahahaha/’

panget; he/’ ang sama nio e kaw nga lassenggero eh.,

lassenggero : ako lasing ngayon pero bukas di na, eh ikaw bukas panget ka pa din/. ahahahahah’;';

[Dale Cardon]

kumakain ng kutsara



boy1: (gustong kumain sa jollibee) kumain kana ba tol..??

boy2: ou kanina pero sa pagmamadali konti lang nakain ko, isang kutsara lang

boy1: isang kutsara? ang tigas nun

[Dale Cardon]

gutom si mommy



a kid asked his pregnant mom: anu nasa tiyan mo?

the mom answered: kapatid mo

the kid asked: love mo sya?

mom: oo

kid: weh a*** ka pala! bakit mo kinain?

[Dale Cardon]

Inflight humor



All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining.

I have heard of these examples. I wonder if these are true!


CONTINENTAL AIRLINES

On a Continental Flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said:

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”


JAPAN AIR LINES

“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling.

Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.

If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”


BRITISH AIRWAYS

“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”


QANTAS AIRWAYS

Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing:

“We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”


NORTHWEST AIRLINES

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced;

“Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”


PHILIPPINE AIR LINES

We’re now preparing to land at San Francisco International Airport. Kindly straighten up your seats, turn off all electronic gadgets, pull up your window shades and buckle up for safety.

We hope you enjoyed flying with us as much as we did.

Sa ****ng atin po, tayo po ay papalapag na sa paliparang pangkalawakang internasyonal ng San Francisco.

Paalala po lamang sa ating mga kababayan noypi:

– ang mga unan, kumot, headset at iba pang kagamitan sa eroplano ay di po kasama sa pasalubong. Huwag po lamang baklasin ang LCD-TV na naka***it sa silya.

[Dale Cardon]

Pasahero VS. Driver


Pasahero : manong bayad !

Driver : saan galing ?

Pasahero : sa bulsa ko !

Driver : hindi ang tanong ko saan ka sumakay .

Pasahero : sa jeep mo !

Driver : *bumubulong* (pilosopo tong taong to ah . mabigyan nga ng kulang na sukli .)

Pasahero : manong bakit kulang yung sukli ? magkano po ba Quiapo ?

Driver : bakit bibilhin mo ang Quiapo ?

[Dale Cardon]

How she knows



A little girl and her mother were out and about.

Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, “Mommy, How old are you?”

The mother responded, “Honey, women don’t talk about their age. You’ll learn this as you get older.”

The girl then asked, “Mommy, how much do you weigh?”

Her mother responded again, “That’s another thing women don’t talk about. You’ll learn this, too, as you grow up.”

The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, “Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?”

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, “Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don’t want to talk about it now.”

The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend’s house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother’s conversation.

The girlfriend said, “All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother’s driver’s license. It’s just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything.”

Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.

The little girl started off with, “Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You’re 32 years old.”

The mother was very shocked. She asked, “Sweetheart, how do you know that?”

The little girl shrugged and said, “I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds.”

“Where did you learn that?”

The little girl said, “I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an ‘F’ in sex.”

[Dehydrator]

tangina pati mod na si boston guy nagbibigay ng pula.

pinula ako dahil kay PB 32.

[BoBeTs]

Kung magpaikot ng green K, kailangan ding mag-ikot ng pula?