Join Date: Oct 2002
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PIECE OF **** car, roommate's birthday, matchmaking
I swear, every mundane insignificant thing that can go wrong with my car WILL by the time I get the chance to be rid of the ****ing thing. As if the current ineptitudes of that ****bag car of mine aren't enough, I'm on the freeway yesterday doing about 85, and I look down to my speedometer to read that I'm, according to my car, doing 0. That's right, you ****stacks.... my speedometer is out of commission. This might actually be a blessing in disguise, considering all the other things that have gone wrong in this PIECE OF **** car I drive.... now I can sell it with 140k miles even if it has like 190 by February. I've decided I ain't fixin a god damn thing on it either, I'm gonna sell it ghetto style to some minority with a shopping cart anyway. For $20. So far, this ****ing car has a kicked out taillight, a bald right tire, a broken sideview mirror, and busted electric antenna, dents on each fender, both cornerlights missing, and now a broken speedometer. Oh, it's been losing power stedily for months too. I stopped caring about this ****ing bag of crap a long, long time ago, I just hope it lasts till February so I don't have to be without a car for any amount of time, cuz that's when I'll have cha-ching to buy a new ****bag. No more Honda. But I don't want a muscle car like all you ******s drive, cuz then I'll look like I have no **** like all you ******s do.
OOOOooooOOOOOooooooOOOOoooooooohhh, that's right. I just said that all you Mustang driving, Ford hat wearing, rearview mirror fuzzy dice hangin jackasses have nothing in the sack. Yup. That's right.
My roommate's birthday is tomorrow and I'm going to pick his present up today. He really came through for me on my birthday, and honestly, was one of the only ones who did. He showed me what a friend he was, so now, I just ain't got it in me to not go all out for him on his birthday. See, we're both scorpios... we gotta stick together on this ****. I was thinking for awhile that I got him all the birthday present he needs by inadvertently hooking him up with the neighbor chick (we'll get to that in a moment), but he's a huge Redskins fan, and since I got to watch Green Bay absolutely destroy them a couple weeks back, I feel it's my duty to buy him a jersey and bake him a cake. Alright, so maybe I'm not gonna bake him a cake, but like, still... okay, well maybe I am, but I just don't wanna admit that I'm baking a cake to a bunch of testosterone-powered dip****s on a fight site. It's gonna be a good birthday for him. It want his to be better than mine.
Anyway... this neighbor chick... cool lady. Nathan has liked her since she gave him the time of day, and I saw this as a blaringly obvious overtone to every interaction between them for months. Finally, I just came out and told her "look, my roommate is going ape**** over you, do something about it." She had just gotten divorced after 7 years, and one of the guys she was dating ****ed her over real good, so like, heres comes Dave to get someone laid. Within a week of telling her that he liked her, I come home one night to blasting Radiohead (worst ****ing band ever) and 2 squeaks coming from my roommate's bedroom. Yup. He scored. Thanks Dave.... of course, he never said so, but **** it. It's his birthday today, I'll complain later.
That's all I feel like *****ing about right now.