2. Miley Cyrus
She's not my number two, she's just the second as I present them to you. Young enough to be my daughter, I dunno what it is about chipmunk-faced harridan Miley that makes me want to **** her senseless. I think it's the all-pervading aura of 100% Yankosity that she possesses, the sense that this is a girl whose first words were "like, freakin' totally awesome". It's that sense of incessant inanity that makes me want to nail Miley's clitoris to rusty iron gate while I brutally sodomise her, before phoning up her dad Billy Ray and telling him I've just given his daughter an Achy, Breaky Arse.
We've all thought it, right?