The ten greatest active fighters right now...

1. Danny Williams. So ducked by everyone in the division, Danny now fights out of Finland just to give all of the other heavyweights half a chance. Thanks to a tear in the space-time continnuum he was able to KO Tyson in his '88 prime before going on to TKO Vitali for three-and-a-half years. Unlikely to ever be beaten, except for those rare occasions where he pretends to lose, just to charitably give opponents a lift up the rungs of the ladder.

2. Austin "No Doubt" Trout. You might think this one is opportunistic after last night's result, but not so. Austin was already in my top ten, just for his name alone. That's the rule of thumb for deciding greatness in boxing, see, here's the top three categories I look for:

1. Is this boxer Danny Williams? yes/no
2. Is this boxer a dish? yes/no
3. Does this boxer have a really great name? yes/no

For years I used to be a fan of Alex Arthur's, even though he was ****, just because I thought "The Amazing Alex Arthur" sounded like a great name for a kid's TV show. I was never a fan of Lazcano though... "The Hispanic Causing Panic" is just trying too hard.

3. Antwone Smith. This Fat Yank welterweight makes a noise like a honking goose every time he throws a punch - HONK! HONK! HONK! If you need to ask why that alone makes him the third greatest fighter of the current age then log out of your account, switch your computer off and get the fuck off the site. Prick.

[Sweet Pea 50]

Please have Khan on your list.....

[dan_cov]

3. Antwone Smith. This Fat Yank welterweight makes a noise like a honking goose every time he throws a punch - HONK! HONK! HONK!


Hahahaha!

4. Victor Ortiz.
Not only is Ortiz "one to watch", but he's already built himself a fine, fine legacy, almost certain to see himself inducted into boxing's prestigious "**** Hall Of Fame". Naturally the greatest right now is Zab Judah, a man who can try and get out of the Clottey fight by answering the Doctor's question of "how many fingers am I holding up?" with "er... 36?". Zab's "cry baby" face never fails to crack me up, and his chicken dance will always see him a legend of the sport.

But don't overlook Victor. The guy hasn't even reached his 26th birthday yet, but has already made legacy-cementing statements like "I'm a boxer, I'm not supposed to be getting hit by punches" in just his 27th fight. A guy who can get cheap shotted by Maiiii one minute, and quit against a light puncher the next, Ortiz promises years and years of entertainment to come, a real ****'s ****.

Please have Khan on your list.....

Well, go on then, as you asked...

5. Amir Khan't - Khan't actually gets my respect. He's got the boxing brain of an eight year old, the chin of a seven year old, and the humility and grace of a six year old.

But what this **** has in abundance is heart and the ability to be in exciting fights. Anyone else with a chin like wet papier mache would try and grab hold or run out of the way. Not so this corner shop owner. Amir will bound around that ring like a spaghetti-legged giraffe with a glass vase strapped to its mouth, thrilling viewers with a "will he or won't he get KTFO? Actually... he probably will" display of heart. People can criticise Khan as much as they want, but they can never take away the fact that whenever his glass chin is shattered - usually by the breeze off a punch that's missed him - he'll always be there going "eh up, 'appen yer can crack us glass chin again, innit? Wikkid!"

[Skyhook]

Well, go on then, as you asked...

5. Amir Khan't - Khan't actually gets my respect. He's got the boxing brain of an eight year old, the chin of a seven year old, and the humility and grace of a six year old.

But what this **** has in abundance is heart and the ability to be in exciting fights. Anyone else with a chin like wet papier mache would try and grab hold or run out of the way. Not so this corner shop owner. Amir will bound around that ring like a spaghetti-legged giraffe with a glass vase strapped to its mouth, thrilling viewers with a "will he or won't he get KTFO? Actually... he probably will" display of heart. People can criticise Khan as much as they want, but they can never take away the fact that whenever his glass chin is shattered - usually by the breeze off a punch that's missed him - he'll always be there going "eh up, 'appen yer can crack us glass chin again, innit? Wikkid!"

That last part got me giggling.

[junior gong]

4. Victor Ortiz.
Not only is Ortiz "one to watch", but he's already built himself a fine, fine legacy, almost certain to see himself inducted into boxing's prestigious "**** Hall Of Fame". Naturally the greatest right now is Zab Judah, a man who can try and get out of the Clottey fight by answering the Doctor's question of "how many fingers am I holding up?" with "er... 36?". Zab's "cry baby" face never fails to crack me up, and his chicken dance will always see him a legend of the sport.

But don't overlook Victor. The guy hasn't even reached his 26th birthday yet, but has already made legacy-cementing statements like "I'm a boxer, I'm not supposed to be getting hit by punches" in just his 27th fight. A guy who can get cheap shotted by Maiiii one minute, and quit against a light puncher the next, Ortiz promises years and years of entertainment to come, a real ****'s ****.

That ****ing cracked me up!

[junior gong]

Is Dinner Jacket Frog going to feature in this?