Al Murray
07-31-2006, 06:59 PM
It's wonderful to see some decent folk on this board.
Lets keep this thread septic free
Lets keep this thread septic free
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View Full Version : Great Britain Al Murray 07-31-2006, 06:59 PM It's wonderful to see some decent folk on this board. Lets keep this thread septic free Toddy 07-31-2006, 07:02 PM alright mate azza 07-31-2006, 07:05 PM alrite mate Al Murray 07-31-2006, 07:14 PM Cheers. Good to see some other people from Great Britain PATO 1 07-31-2006, 08:25 PM LOL how funny is al murray MickyHatton 08-01-2006, 04:29 AM Good to have you on here mate! Smashing 08-01-2006, 05:13 AM lol...nice one..tell us some great british jokes mate.. Cabbage 08-01-2006, 05:49 AM lol...nice one..tell us some great british jokes mate.. Welcome aboard Al. A beautiful British name. I'll start the ball rolling: Q. Why didn't Superman stop the September 11th attacks? A. Because he was a quadriplegic. The Raging Bull 08-01-2006, 05:53 AM Welcome mate. Ye its great to have fellow limeys to talk to. Cabbage 08-01-2006, 06:56 AM Welcome mate. Ye its great to have fellow limeys to talk to. It is of course. Although we are not "Limeys", we are great British gentlemen. Al Murray 08-01-2006, 07:55 AM Why doesn't Britain have earthquakes or hurricanes? Cause we don't deserve them The Raging Bull 08-01-2006, 10:24 AM Why doesn't Britain have earthquakes or hurricanes? Cause we don't deserve them That is very true :D I like your way of thinking ;) Al Murray 08-01-2006, 11:30 AM Why did Britain stay out of the Vietnam war? Cause we like to keep our war films cheerfull Smashing 08-01-2006, 02:50 PM boom boom...lol The Raging Bull 08-01-2006, 06:06 PM Why did Britain stay out of the Vietnam war? Cause we like to keep our war films cheerfull LMAO. That is funny :D Smashing 08-02-2006, 05:23 AM An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub..... when they get to the bar the barman says..... "hello fellas...is this some kind of joke..." JunglistSoldja 08-02-2006, 10:03 AM An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub..... when they get to the bar the barman says..... "hello fellas...is this some kind of joke..." Haha........... Talking Turkey 08-06-2006, 08:29 PM Some of those jokes were mildly funny lol, Al Murray is a pretty good comedian, a bit of a one trick pony, but good nevertheless. Smashing 08-07-2006, 05:16 AM A crab and a Lobster were walking along the beach together on a lovely summer day... the crab says.."hmm.. im hungry" and gets out his sandwich from his lunch box... the lobster looks over and says"can i have some" the crab says "no" so the lobster says "you know what..your really shellfish" The Raging Bull 08-07-2006, 09:53 AM A crab and a Lobster were walking along the beach together on a lovely summer day... the crab says.."hmm.. im hungry" and gets out his sandwich from his lunch box... the lobster looks over and says"can i have some" the crab says "no" so the lobster says "you know what..your really shellfish" Thats the type of joke you find in a cracker at christmas :o MickyHatton 08-07-2006, 11:41 AM Guy goes into a pet shop and says to the shop keeper "Do you have any pets with character" Shopkeeper replies "I do, that Parrot in the corner, but I must warn you he has a mouth like a dock worker and swears and curses all the time" Guy replies "Great I'll take him, I'm sure I've heard it all before" A week goes by and the guy hasn't heard one expletive from the bird and he's thinking he's wasted his money until he invites his boss round for a drink, his boss (who's on the large side) walks passed the parrots cage when the bird screeches "get out of my way fat ass, your blocking the ****in sun and for shits sake hide my seed quick" The guy reels in horror and quickly covers the birds cage and makes his apologies to his boss! After his boss leaves he returns to the cage and chastises the bird and removes all his treats! Another week goes by and the guy goes on a date with a girl he has had his eye on for months, they go back to his place and get it on on the couch, as the guys struggles with the girls bra the parrot looks on, as the guy then has trouble finding where he needs to put things the bird (who's losing his mind)jumps up and screams "for ****s sake you moron, move aside and let a ****in real man in there" Again mortified the guy jumps up covers the cage and his date leaves without even a kiss goodbye. The guy who's gutted at blowing his date grabs the parrot by its scrawny neck and warns it that if it evers ushers another word it will be its last, the bird scuttles back to its perch and begins to preen itself! A month goes by and nothing so when the local priest invites himself round for a coffee the guy isn't too worried. After a hour of the priest rambling about following the right path through life the bird has had enough, he climbs to the top of his perch, cocks his ass and shits all over the priest and adds "I bet you never saw that coming did you, you sanctimonious twat" At that the priest almost passes out, the guy has to help him to his car and the priest drove away in a terrified trance. This was the final straw, the guy sprints in and grabs the bird round the head, he runs into the kitchen and shoves him deep into the freezer compartment, he slams the door and walks away. About an hour later he gets him out, the bird is almost frozen but still alive, a few hours later once he had defrosted the guy asks him if he will ever do that again to which the bird replies "no", the guys asks him if he will now be on his best behaviour to which the bird replies "Of course sir of course" The guy feeling smug sits down and the bird a little hesitant asks "Sir if I got an hour in the freezer for swearing at the priest what the **** did the chicken and turkey do?" vBulletin® v3.7.1, Copyright ©2000-2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
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