As I sit here and wonder…
I find the news quite strange to ponder,
As doth to my heart is scalds and burns,
For all I see is pain and hate,
And I strain to let myself cry,
And I can only shed but one tear,
And I almost beg to let me have this release,
When shall the worlds anguish cease?
If I could hear mother earth,
All she would do is cry,
For the Giant gaping wound which is humanity,
Ruins her to the point of insanity,
As I look in my dog’s eyes he heals me,
And as I lie, I think could not my tears quench the children’s thirst?
For this life my friends is cursed,
We were given what we needed for a paradise,
But we crushed it like we crush ourselves,
All I hear are crooked cops,
And inhuman creatures,
I will live life for but 100 years perhaps less or more,
And I do hope,
So strong
That I can fell some of these problems,
In my short life,
For we truly are a wound, lying bleeding, pussing,
And each of us are maggots in the wound,
Except for the odd butterfly, which may escape,
This treacherous place.
And I hope the when my years are done,
I can enter the kingdom of god,
And it can cool my fire.
For as I sit here blazing,
I know yet I have not even felt this that comes down on my brothers and sisters,
Yet I burn inside,
And what makes it worse,
As hard as I strain and try,
My eyes just refuse to cry.

Interesting.
Pretty good in places. Id make it shorter.
Plus id lose the "doth" near the beginning. Either speak in that way throughout the poem, or not at all.

Its quite pesimistic though. "we're all maggots" lol.
Are we all maggots trying to cry? Thats a poem id like to hear.

Nice. but a bit of a downer.
And also, my advice is try not to 'sound poetic'. You know, write in that fancy overcomplicated way eg: "I know yet I have not even felt this that....."
The best poem are just straight from the heart with no need for that.

Thanks man, I wrote it yesterday. It was really an expression of how I was feeling. I watched the news and I just was like ****. The **** that happens. I was trying to cry on my bed but couldnt! REALLY annoyed me. I managed to a bit but not much.
I try not to be pessimistic, rather I do feel there are very few good people in the world.
Man I was happy though when I thought one day I will die, and I imagined waking up on a cloud with rain coming down cooling all my pain, and hugging god just like at the end of a bad dream.:D

Thanks man, I wrote it yesterday. It was really an expression of how I was feeling. I watched the news and I just was like ****. The **** that happens. I was trying to cry on my bed but couldnt! REALLY annoyed me. I managed to a bit but not much.
I try not to be pessimistic, rather I do feel there are very few good people in the world.
Man I was happy though when I thought one day I will die, and I imagined waking up on a cloud with rain coming down cooling all my pain, and hugging god just like at the end of a bad dream.:D

****. Is that really the way u think?
IMO thats not good.
Your so young, u should dream about wat u can accomplish in this life. Not find comfort in death or heaven.

U should let the way u feel about the world motivate u to do great things.
Ur anger, hate, pain watever. Let that drive u.

yeh like I said in the poem. I hope in my short life I can get fell and destroy some of the worlds problems. Im going to watch ghandi today.

pretty good but you could sum all this up too [Life sucks then you die] :cool: just live your life man, the world has been going this way from day one. Nothing will change unless people like you make it change and to do that all of us must change our self first.The best thing you can do is help the people next to you let me... well read this>> Lightly quoted From Bruce Lee...

"It's like a pebble, not very big,
but,
if you take the pebble and drop it into a pond,
it creates a ripple and the ripple goes on,
the ripple extends outwards,
and soon will cover the whole pond..."
See by helping just one person that one person could help the next in the same way and so on untill the ripple effect helps the whole world this is the way you can do your part .

I see yeh, but I just want to do as much as I can

I see yeh, but I just want to do as much as I can
What's your main concern :confused:

when i was in college, i flirted with the idea of being a forensic psychologist or a criminal psychologist and maybe strive to be a profiler for the fbi or something. i real a lot of real crime books (biographies and the like). it did not long for these books with horrific images printed on the page and instilled in my mind to eventually haunt my dreams. i began to lose faith in humanity. i just couldn;t fathom that human beings were capable of such vile actions. clearly i did not choose that career path.

however, i did learn that there is good in the world. you can't let the evil consume you. you have to focus on the good and what you can do to make your life what you want it to be and touch the lives of others in any way you can. sometimes it is just random acts of kindness. did you ever see the movie Pay It Forward with Kevin Spacey? I thought it was great. Yes, there is a seemingly unnecessary tragedy within the film, but overall the message is there. one person, even a child, can make a difference. ;)

What's your main concern :confused:
i think he wants to make a difference. do whatever he can to make this world a more peaceful place.



i gave him some ideas via PM. i hope he follows through with some of them.

Yeh theres gotta be some good out there:D Ill have a look today for some organisations I could join. Thankyou

Yeh theres gotta be some good out there:D Ill have a look today for some organisations I could join. Thankyou
for soemone your age, it is hard to get something going on your own. it is best to just join an organization or club (university or community) to get the ball rolling and make you feel like you are doing something. you also have to narrow it down whether you want to join an organization that is pro-peace, pro-environment, pro-christian (religiously based), geared toward helping the homeless, etc.

Thankyou. Y ou have given me something to mull over

As I sit here and wonder…
I find the news quite strange to ponder,
As doth to my heart is scalds and burns,
For all I see is pain and hate,
And I strain to let myself cry,
And I can only shed but one tear,
And I almost beg to let me have this release,
When shall the worlds anguish cease?
If I could hear mother earth,
All she would do is cry,
For the Giant gaping wound which is humanity,
Ruins her to the point of insanity,
As I look in my dog’s eyes he heals me,
And as I lie, I think could not my tears quench the children’s thirst?
For this life my friends is cursed,
We were given what we needed for a paradise,
But we crushed it like we crush ourselves,
All I hear are crooked cops,
And inhuman creatures,
I will live life for but 100 years perhaps less or more,
And I do hope,
So strong
That I can fell some of these problems,
In my short life,
For we truly are a wound, lying bleeding, pussing,
And each of us are maggots in the wound,
Except for the odd butterfly, which may escape,
This treacherous place.
And I hope the when my years are done,
I can enter the kingdom of god,
And it can cool my fire.
For as I sit here blazing,
I know yet I have not even felt this that comes down on my brothers and sisters,
Yet I burn inside,
And what makes it worse,
As hard as I strain and try,
My eyes just refuse to cry.

Nice, Matt.

Bobby makes some good points though about "not trying to sound poetic". A poem should not be an effort as much as it should flow, in my opinion; but then there's T.S. Elliot. :D