Here are some of Lising's classics. When I get to Manila, i get some book stuff of his and share it here. I believe he has an adult toy store in Robinsons Galleria where you could buy his stuff also

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My name is Gary Lising. Secretary of Health Juan Flavier once said that I have a very nice name -- for a disease.

I was voted as the sex symbol of Assumption College because according to them, I am the only entertainer that looks like a sex organ.

I was already a celebrity even when I was a baby. I weighed 48 pounds when I was born -- but weighed only 3 pounds after I was circumcised. I was the only abortion that lived.

I was such an ugly baby. My mother only puts the negatives of my pictures in our family album.

I was a very thin baby because I was a breastfed baby -- I was breastfed by my father.

I grew up to be a boy wonder -- everybody always looked at me and wondered.

I studied at the Ateneo de Manila where I took up B.S. Economics. That explains why up to now I still am poor as ever.

I went to the United States where I put up my own business that went bankrupt. My business was selling PX goods.

I lived in the penthouse of a 50 story building. My rent was only 200 dollars a month. It was very cheap because it was walkup -- no elevator.

I was drafted by the U.S. Army but I got exempted because of my religion -- I am a devout coward.

I came back to the Philippines because I miss the brownouts. We should be proud of this fact because in the U.S. they don't have brownouts. We are the only country that has it.

Another thing to be proud of is the merging of Erap Estrada's "PACC" with Gringo Honasan's "YOU" -- it would be known as "PACC YOU".

My father is Dr. Jose Lising, a bisexual -- every time he sees sex he buys it.

My mother Nieva Lising is a very religious woman -- she is a nun.

My parents are in the iron and steel business. My mother irons and my father steals.

I am married to Maris Paredes who up to now believes that love is really blind. I also have a son, Bugsy, he's only five years old and he already knows how to be ashamed of me.

I am also a firm believer in a lot of very serious facts of life. Let me share with you a few meaningful facts that I believe in:

I BELIEVE...that if you read too much about the bad effects of smoking -- give up reading.

I BELIEVE...that you should never make love with your eyes unless you are ****eyed.

I BELIEVE...Dick Gordon when he said that women should be put up in a pedestal -- high enough so you could look up their dresses.

I BELIEVE...Baby Boy Poblador when he said that women are the foundation of our society. I also believe him when he said that men are the ones who laid the foundation.

I BELIEVE...Lolit Solis when she said that Mayor Lim was her former boyfriend.

I BELIEVE...Mari Mar when she cried -- I saw tears running down her legs.


I BELIEVE...IN GOD, THE FATHER ALMIGHTY, AND THAT EVENTUALLY WE WILL HAVE PEACE AND HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF OUR FAITH IN HIM.

These jokes are from Gary Lising's "Potpourri".

Ruffa Gutierrez vehemently denied the internet nude photo of herself.
She has assigned an internet expert to examine the photograph.
She is right.
Findings showed that the face is Ruffa's, but the body is that of Edu
Manzano.
*********
NUR Misuari was asked if the rumor that he is taking a fifth wife is
true. Nur says that Muslim law only allows four wives. He says that if you take five wives, then you are a Catholic.
**********
The US State Dept. stated that when Monica Lewinsky was working at
the
White
House, she did not pay any taxes because her job was under the table.
*************
The official National Bird of the US is the Bald Eagle.
By act of Congress
the Bald Eagle will now be replaced by the Spread Eagle.
****************

PRESIDENT Erap distributed land to the farmers in Bacolod in accordance
with the Agrarian Reform Law. Asked to comment on this, FVR says "sounds
like a crop to me".
**************
TALK about perversion - Leon Biglang Awa, unemployed, was caught
making love to the oblation statue at UP. The police charged him with statutory rape.
*************
ACCORDING to ststistics, among all of our presidents, Cory Aquino has
the best legs.
****************
TB among public school teachers rising. TB or not TB, that is the
question.
**************
Most of the TF stars (bold stars) are temperamental. Ninety percent
temper,ten percent mental.
************
TRIVIA:
Q1: What is the planet named after a part of your body?
Ans: Uranus
Q2: Why is a country called "UGANDA" when most of it's people
"UPANGET".
Q3: Who is the older brother of Julius Caesar?
Ans: KUYA CAESAR
***************
PRESIDENT Erap is contemplating on settling the PAL strike by buying the
airline himself. He will name the airline "ERAPlano, Inc."
****************
According to Mr. Starr and Larry King, Monica Lewinsky is lying. That
is not true. She was on her knees.
*****************
People have been asking me (Gary) where I inherited my journalistic
abilities. Well, my great, great grandfather was also a writer. He
wrote "Florante and Laura". Unfortunately, they did not write him back.
****************
According to PAL, Chair. Lucio Tan, Mr. Ambrocio Co., a Chinese
Billionaire, is negotiating with to buy Phil. Airlines.
If the deal pushes through,CO will name the airline "COPAL".

Gary Lising: I have a friend, who is a doctor, he was caught by his wife making love with one of his patients. By the way, my friend is a VETERINARIAN.

A conversation between the jeepney driver and a student passenger.
After the student gave a 10-peso coin as payment...
Driver: Estudyante???
Student: Yes..........ST. SCHO! (bragging her school, St. Scholastica's College)
(Do you really need to say that?!)

I was talking to my former officemate when I noticed that his hair is a bit thin compared to others'.
Me: Ang nipis pala ng buhok mo?!
Friend: Oo, nakikita na nga yung KUYUKOT ko eh!
(He actually means PUYO!)
(You know who you are, please don't get mad!)

During communion inside the church...
Lay Minister: Body of Christ...
Me: THANK YOU!....
(Instead of AMEN..tsk tsk!)

Former beauty titlist, Daisy Reyes was being interviewed by Kris Aquino in her show and was about to speak out about her failed relationship.
Kris Aquino : Gaano katagal na kayong break?
Then, 'It Might Be You' had been played as background music for more emotional-and-senti-effect...
Daisy Reyes: (before answering the question and bothered by the music being played) Ano ba yan, ALL OF MY LIFE!!!
(She thought that the song's title was ALL MY LIFE since the song's lyrics is 'Time I've been passing time, watching trains go by..ALL OF MY LIFE'!)

My big brother and his definition of LOVE...
Brother: Love is like Mathematics. ADD 2 to the bed, SUBTRACT the clothes, DIVIDE the legs and then... MULTIPLY!

nice bro..

keep'em comin'..

classic **** right there!LOL!

LOL! he said that he was aga mulach in one of cinema1's ads.. LOL!

one of gary's famous quotes:

I was voted as the sex symbol of Assumption College because according to them, I am the only entertainer that looks like a sex organ.

some of his famous lines:

My name is Gary Lising. Secretary Of Health Juan Flavier once said that I have a very nice name-for a disease.

I was voted as the sex symbol of Assumption College because according to them, I am the only entertainer that looks like a sex organ.

I was already a celebrity even when I was a baby. I weighed 48 pounds when I was born-but weighed only 3 pounds after I was circumcised. I was the only abortion that lived.

I was such an ugly baby. My mother only puts the negatives of my pictures in our family album.

I was a very thin baby because I was a breastfed baby - I was breastfed by my father.

I grew up to be a boy wonder-everybody always looked at me and wondered.

I studied at the Ateneo de Manila where I took up B. S. Economics. That explains why up to now I still am poor as ever.

I went to the United States where I put up my own business that went bankrupt. My business was selling PX goods.

I lived in the penthouse of a 50 story building. My rentwas only 200 dollars a month. It was very cheap because it was walkup - no elevator.

I was drafted by the U. S. Army but I got exempted because of my religion-I am a devout coward.

I came back to the Philippines because I miss the brownouts. We should be proud of this fact because in the US they don't have brownouts. We are the only country that has it.

Another thing to be proud of is the merging of Erap Estrada's "PACC" with Gringo Honasan's "YOU"-it would be known as "PACC YOU".

My father is Dr. Jose Lising, a bisexual-everytime he sees sex he buys it.

My mother Nieva Lising is a very religious woman-she is a nun.

My parents are in the iron and steel business. My mother irons and my father steals.

I am married to Maris Paredes who up to now believes that love is really blind.

I also have a son, Bugsy, he's only five years old and he already knows how to be ashamed of me.

I am also a firm believer in a lot of very serious facts of life. Let me share with you a few meaningful facts that I believe in:

I BELIEVE... that if you read too much about the bad effects of smoking-give up reading.

I BELIEVE... that you should never make love with your eyes unless you are ****eyed.

I BELIEVE... Dick Gordon when he said that women should be put up in a pedestal-high enough so you could look up their dresses.

I BELIEVE... Baby Boy Poblador when he said that women are the foundation of our society. I also believe him when he said that men are the ones who laid the foundation.

I BELIEVE... Lolit Solis when she said that Mayor Lim was her former boyfriend.

I BELIEVE... Mari Mar when she cried-I saw tears running down her legs.

I BELIEVE... that Fr. Donelan will outlive us all.

I BELIEVE... IN GOD, THE FATHER ALMIGHTY, AND THAT EVENTUALLY WE WILL HAVE PEACE AND HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF OUR FAITH IN HIM.

some classics from him...

[i]porong herera bought a mouse trap, he doesn't have any cheese so he cut a picture of a cheese and put it in the trap. suprisingly, after that, he found a cut picture of a mouse trapped in it...


porong herera used to be a chain smoker. he smokes, after finishing it, he threw it on the floor and stamped on it using his feet. He did this for 14 years, after that, he contracted cancer of the shoes...


porong herera found a lamp w/ a ginie in it. he was granted 3 wishes, so he chose carefully his wishes. I want to have lou ferigno's body, richard gomez' face & my d!ck touching the ground. after that, he found his face look's like richard gomez, his body like lou ferigno, and his legs cut short to only 2 inches.


an explorer, searching for the lost inca gold, held the inca chief captive and ask a native interpreter to help him.
"tell me where the gold is, or i'll let ants crawled over your body" he asked. the interpreter translated it to inca's laguage, the chieftain explained "i would rather have ants crawled over me that to tell u where the gold is" so the explorer ordered the chieftain to be bit by ants.

After that the explorer ordered "tell me where the gold is or i'll burn u at the stake", the interpreter relied the message", the chieftain, afraid of burning from the stake, told the interpreter "tell him the gold is 3 feet from here, under the tree, hidden in the chest", the interpreter told the explorer "he rather die and burn in the stake that to tell you where the gold is"...


2 pigeons were talking to each other. one is a bad one, a happy-go-lucky pigeon. the other one is so pious, gentle, meek and kind. the bad dove told him, you should enjoy your life while you still can. look at me, i raped every female dove i could lay my hands into, or you'll die of boredom.

after a few years, both pigeon died, and the bad dove goes to hell. suprisingly, he saw the good pigeon there also, "what are u doing here?" he asked, "i followed your advice and raped one dove" the good pigeon said. "what?you can't go to hell if you raped only one dove", the good dove replied "you can, if it happens to be the holy ghost!"....

do they sell books or dvd of gary lising jokes in the philippines?

madaming books, wala pa kng alam na dvd si gary lising pare, pnta ka galeria may store sya dun

do they sell books or dvd of gary lising jokes in the philippines?
madaming books, wala pa kng alam na dvd si gary lising pare, pnta ka galeria may store sya dun

imagine... this dude is a product of ateneo :p