I DIDN'T WRITE THIS HA, JUST WANT TO SHARE IT TO YOU. DON'T BE MAD AT ME.......

Source: http://mikey.i.ph/blogs/mikey/

The Atrocities of Friendster Vol. 1

I absolutely hate Friendster. It is a world of superficial acquaintances, a place of insincere empathy, of shallow love affairs and a preying ground for stalkers, weirdos, and 15 year olds who'd orgasm seeing text containing any combination of words with dick, shaft, hole, mountain, cyclops, ice cream, salt or bicycle in them. It is the realm of the pretentious, the pseudo-intellectual, and more often than not, the aesthetically challenged.

With that said, I shall now turn my discriminating gaze on the afflicting horrors of Friendster and its denizens in a brand spanking new column aptly titled: The Atrocities of Friendster.


Case 1: Marvin

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/marvin.sized.jpg

It's funny how Marvin's shirt says "Justice League" when the only type of justice I want to deal upon seeing his picture is the type which involves me rearranging his face using my vengeful fists and a tire wrench. Surprisingly, for someone who looks deceivingly amiable and tender, his Interests are disturbingly carnal. I mean people who look like Brad Pitt can probably get away with saying stuff like "Yeah, I'm into Orgies and dripping wet *******, big deal" but when people like Marvin over here who looks about as hideously malnourished as those Somalis in "Black Hawk Down" say it, it makes me want to commit genocide and throw a party afterwards.

For some reason however, I cannot hate Marvin. He reminds me too much of something or someone from my childhood that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I can't seem to point a finger at it...

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/et.sized.jpg


Oh, right.



Case 2: Jon

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/Jon.sized.jpg


Jon, I just want to say three things to you before I lock myself up in my room and hang myself:





Wearing jeans to the gym is just. plain. wrong.
Looking at your hair magically transports me back to 1996; the time when the Gwapings and vertically striped shirts with collars reigned supreme.
I've seen six year olds with better bodies than you so for the love of everything that's holy; PUT A ****ING SHIRT ON.

again, i'm just sharing you this thread ha, hindi ako author nito, don't give me bad k, please!!!!

....continued.....

Case 3: Ranma

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/ranm.sized.jpg

This picture was taken exactly as I kicked this guy in the nuts.


Case 4: Patrick

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/patr.sized.jpg

ROMNICK SARMIENTA! What ever happened to you? I was your biggest fan. But mainly because I wanted to bang Sheryl Cruz.


Case 5: BHABE

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/cute.sized.jpg

HELL. ****ING. NO

The Atrocities of Friendster Vol. 2

After an hour and a half of scouring Friendster for portraits that represent everything that is repugnant and awful in the world, I realized a few things:


The world is brimming with ugliness.

It's surprising how I haven't committed suicide yet after this activity.

I should come up with a pseudonym and stop using my real name.

I'm going straight to hell.

You guys suck.

Anyways, your favorite internet guy is back with a boatful of retards and sinful mockery that is sure to entertain you all in exchange for my soul.



Case 6: Henry

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/Henry_002.sized.jpg

British biologist Mona Thibald and French paleontologist Lalaine Guiscart pose with a primate-like creature that could possibly be the missing link. This was the last photo taken of them. God bless their souls.


Case 7: Sherwin


http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/Sherwin.sized.jpg


How to be the star in the prom:


Use CY Gabriel bleaching soap liberally on your face.

Bring a corpse as your date

Case 8: Gelo


http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/luki.sized.jpg


Jericho Rosales wasn't so hot before all the extensive plastic surgery.

Case 9: George

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/gerry.sized.jpg

EXTRA EXTRA: PROOF THAT ALIENS INDEED LAND IN THE PHILIPPINES
On second thought, this has got to be some sort of hoax. I mean come on, any alien race this ugly would undoubtedly feed on their own young.

The picture reminds me of something else though:
http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/velociraptor4.sized.jpg
RAWR!

Case 10: Chard

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/chester.sized.jpg

A rare photograph of a man-sloth. This one hasn't moved for three years hence the thick layer of algae growing on its head. Either that or it rubbed it's head in fecal matter. What a ****head. get it? **** head? NYAahahahahHHAHahahnnn. I'm so funny.

Case 11: Grace


http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/Lorie.sized.jpg

In the beginning, all there was of the universe was spacedust and this thing. It still exists now and feeds on planetoids, meteors and other space ****.

Case 12: Martha

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/Jody.sized.jpg

Martha Beausoleil of the Beaubaton School of Witchcraft and Wizardry arrived late for class one too many times. As punishment, she was transfigured to look like Diego from bubblegang and anyone who looks in her eyes would turn into stone or some wizard related **** like that. I don't know.



Case 13: Melai

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/mhelai.sized.jpg



Photographer: Pare smile naman dyan!
Orc: Anong pare? Babae ako noh!
Photographer: Di nga?
Orc: SNAK ES AD ARGHHHH!!! (Translated from Orc language: SHOOT THE DAMN PHOTO OR I'LL EAT YOU AND YOUR UNBORN BABIES!!!!!)
Photographer: There is no God. *cries*

Case 14: Billy

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/roland.sized.jpg

This is Billy ang "Batang Baller" observe the matching sando, baller ID and armband. After this studio pic was taken, he attempted to play basketball in the streets of Tondo wearing this ghastly ensemble where he was summarily beaten within an inch of his life.



Case 15: Mark

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/images/rik.sized.jpg


Awww, don't be sad because the carnival truck left without you. I'm sure you could catch them at the next town.

The Atrocities of Friendster Vol. 3

"UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility"
-Ambrose Bierce, American Satirist

"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."
-Oscar Wilde, Irish Writer

"The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity, but in being uninteresting."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Essayist

"Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!" Yes, I am; and you are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober.
-Winston Churchill, British Prime Minister during WWII

"Mike Villar owes us 10,244 pesos worth of IDD calls to Saudi Arabia"
-Collections officer, SMART Telecommunications

"Who are you? And what kind of pancit did you eat?"
Mike Villar, Rising Internet Star / Hope and Winston Superstakes winner


Mike: Hello and welcome to another adrenaline pumping episode of The Atrocities of Friendster! The only column on this fascinating thing called the internet that guarantees everyone a ticket to hell. Joining me today is our resident Sex and Relationship Expert cum Haute Couturier; the dashing, the balding, the effeminate Tim Wong PhD!

Tim: Join us as we rummage through the piles and piles of rejects in this internet wasteland called Friendster. Watch us kick open doors, dive through windows and touch each other's genitals as we lead you through an adventure of a lifetime!

Mike: So don your asbestos suits and let's get underway!

Tim: What asbestos suit?

Mike: Shut up.

Case 16: Guido


http://mikey.i.ph/albums/atroc3/ericl.sized.jpg


Mike: I cornered this mutant after he crawled in through the window and found his way to my sofa. He's still there, and I'm still praying to God that he NEVER, as in NEVER EVER take that pillow off where it is right now.

Tim: Oh my God; remember the cartoon series 'Toxic Crusaders?' What the **** happened to his face? It looks as if he filled the toilet with Muriatic Acid and dunked his head in it.

Mike: 1,000 pesos says there's a hideous man-eating monster under that pillow.

Tim: Nah, I don't want to take your money Mike, you need it for a new Sofa.

Mike: True.


Case 17: Rosario


http://mikey.i.ph/albums/atroc3/resizegra.sized.jpg



Mike: OH MY GOD! THE BABY! SOMEBODY SAVE THE BABY!!!

Tim: I think we just found the person they modelled the Stay-Puff Marshmallow man after.

Mike: This is the reason why I am against genetic engineering. Looks like genetic engineers found a way to combine human DNA with siopao. The result? Whatever the hell this is.

Tim: You think I could distract this thing with a hamburger while you go for the baby?

Mike: It's worth a try.

Tim: You poor soul.


Case 18: BJ



http://mikey.i.ph/albums/atroc3/BJ.sized.jpg


Tim: While we're still on the subject of Genetic Engineering, it looks like scientists also found a way to combine Werewolf DNA with the DNA of something really fat and disgusting. Quick! load my pistol with silver bullets!

Mike: I don't think silver bullets would work on this thing Tim. Notice the invulnerability amulet he wears around his neck? It makes him impervious to bullets! Believe me man, I see these sort of things worn by Ramon Revilla in Cinema One all the time.

Tim: I wanna comment some more but his ****ing unibrow is distracting the **** out of me.

Mike: And what's that thing growing out of his hand? gross.

Tim: Wanna snort coke and throw rocks at people outside instead?

Mike: You bet!

Case 19: Brian

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/atroc3/buway.sized.jpg




Mike: Brian's contemplating on his life: His Family, his career, and why God sent him to hell.

Tim: Brian is a good man. He goes to church every sunday, he donates to charity, he rarely masturbates to kiddie **** yet he's still in hell. It must be...

Mike and Tim (in unison): THE SHIRT!!!

Case 20: Jeremy


http://mikey.i.ph/albums/atroc3/bobresi.sized.jpg



OH MY GOD THE EXPERIMENT WAS A FAILURE!!!!



Mike: Plastic surgeons over at the local hospital committed a little error. Instead of installing a new set of silicon mambas for Jennifer, they turned her into THIS!

Tim: Lovely pic. But shouldn't you be lurking under a bridge or something?

Case 21: Christian

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/atroc3/romel.sized.jpg


Mike: God, even Earboy wants to be Superman.

Tim: And what's up with the tablecloth?

Mike: It's tablecloth? I actually thought it was graphing paper.

Tim: What's graphing paper?

Mike: Nevermind.

Case 22: Some *******s

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/atroc3/grou2.sized.jpg


Um yeah, Okay.



Case 23: Loren


http://mikey.i.ph/albums/atroc3/sher.sized.jpg


OH MY GOD! I'LL PAY ANYBODY 5,000 PESOS TO GET THIS THING OFF MY MONITOR!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT APPLIED TOO MUCH ASTRINGENT ON ITS FACE OR IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK! EITHER WAY, I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S CARNIVOROUS.



Case 24: Leo

http://mikey.i.ph/albums/atroc3/Jay_R.sized.jpg


That's right *******, that's where I'm gonna shoot you.



Case 25: Phil




Some people pretend they're rich. Some people pretend they're superheroes. This guy pretends he's heterosexual. Awful job chap, awful job

kay cofibean yata to...asteg ung kupal naun..

Case 25: Phil


http://mikey.i.ph/albums/atroc3/Philip.sized.jpg

Some people pretend they're rich. Some people pretend they're superheroes. This guy pretends he's heterosexual. Awful job chap, awful job.

teka slimz ano ung friendster account mo? add kita..

The Atrocities of Friendster Vol. 4

I got this comment from this entry:

Chuck: “hahaha, parang perfect ka kung mag comment… kaligayahan nila yun bro… be good, malapit na christmas”

Oh shucks Chuck, you’re right, I’m such an *******. But you know what?:

http://img452.imageshack.us/img452/6078/fyou5gs.jpg


Now if nobody else has anything to say, I’d like to get on with my update, thank you very much.
Case 26: Jack

http://img340.imageshack.us/img340/7945/jack7rb.jpg


Well well well! Congratulations for inheriting your mother's boobs! Feel free to write me an angry email. No need to put little hearts and flowers at the top though cause the idea that you would like them there is pretty much established. The same applies to attached pictures of you in a fluffy pink tutu, you hunky piece of meat you.

teka slimz ano ung friendster account mo? add kita..

sorry xz, ung aking account, sa antique shop pa ata hahanapin ung password sa tagal ko na di nag-log in. create na lang ulit ako.

Guys, i feel sorry for this thread. kasi english ung post eh (mababasa ng ibang lahi). kung medyo offensive, sasabihan ko na lang ung mod na i-delete. wag nyo lang akong bigyan ng bad k, please!!!!

kahit ako, nainis sa tao na gumawa ng blog na un.

Guys, i feel sorry for this thread. kasi english ung post eh (mababasa ng ibang lahi). kung medyo offensive, sasabihan ko na lang ung mod na i-delete. wag nyo lang akong bigyan ng bad k, please!!!!

kahit ako, nainis sa tao na gumawa ng blog na un.

walang pali-paliwanag pa! bibigyan kita ng bad k! ikaw may kagagawan lahat nito!

hehe biro lang ms slimz. kakatawa yung iba, pero oo baka pagtripan pa ng mga ibang lahi lalo ang pinoy pag nabasa nila to.

hi bogler. kaya nga eh. don't worry, suggest ko na lang kay mod kadyo or chups na idelete ito kung gusto nyo.

natanggap ko na si email yan

i feel sorry for them!LOL!

kay cofibean yata to...asteg ung kupal naun..
regular reader ka ba nung blog ni cofibean? nabasa ko na rin ung blog na un kupal ampotah

ang tindi namang manginsulto nun... masyado ata syang maganda or something to say such things, anyway, siguro spoiled rich kid yan na saksakan ng yabang na kala mo kung sino sya. anyway, im sure most of the people na binadmouth nya eh mas masaya kesa sa kanya kahit na ganun ang hitsura nun or mahirap sila, but they have true friends than the ******* who writes such commentaries...



oo nga slimz, ano friendster mo? add nyo ko hehehe, chadmack69@yahoo.com. wag na lang kayo magcomment ng gaya nung sa thread na to ha? hehehe

regular reader ka ba nung blog ni cofibean? nabasa ko na rin ung blog na un kupal ampotah

yan ang marketing sa blogs ngaun. mangasar ..anak ng tuta ang lakas ng traffic dun.

guyz kung feel nyo na sobrang offensive na itong post na ito, ako na ang magsu-suggest na idelete ito. whatdyathink?

guyz kung feel nyo na sobrang offensive na itong post na ito, ako na ang magsu-suggest na idelete ito. whatdyathink?
bad k send it 2 u!hehehe!dyok lang.ok lang slimz.nakakatuwa nga eh.kaya ako takot na akong magpost ng picture ko sa bs or sa friendster baka mapintasan ang ganda kong lalaki.baka mapagkamalan ginamit ko ang picture ni richard gomez.hahahahaha!

whaahahahaha. kaw talaga. hey, kita din kita sa fland ha.

whaahahahaha. kaw talaga. hey, kita din kita sa fland ha.
oo,ikaw ang ninang ko.ikaw ang nagbugaw sa akin doon eh!

hehehe, si kadyo ang papa-san.. sya ang promotor.

hehehe, si kadyo ang papa-san.. sya ang promotor.
si kadyo pala ang pasimuno ha!lol!madalas ka ba doon?parang medyo maraming bastos doon eh.siguro sanayan lang ano?mag-i EB daw a sasama ka ba?

si kadyo pala ang pasimuno ha!lol!madalas ka ba doon?parang medyo maraming bastos doon eh.siguro sanayan lang ano?mag-i EB daw a sasama ka ba?
ako sasama! pero mukhang di magkasundo sa schedule e

ikaw ba? uwi ka na sa pinas bro! hehe

ang sama ng dating netong taong to......

ako sasama! pero mukhang di magkasundo sa schedule e

ikaw ba? uwi ka na sa pinas bro! hehe
kailan nyo ba balak mag eb?at saan?

kailan nyo ba balak mag eb?at saan?
di pa nga alam e.. malamang d2 sa pinas pero di pa nakapag decide nang venue at kung kelan kce di magkasundo sa sked.. bakit sama ka?

ang sama ng dating netong taong to......
cnong tao bro?

cnong tao bro?

yung gumagawa nung mga pangiinis sa mga myembro ng friendster.

yung gumagawa nung mga pangiinis sa mga myembro ng friendster.
ah ok..bad trip yun bro la lang magawa un kupal ampotah.. baka c cofibean yon

ah ok..bad trip yun bro la lang magawa un kupal ampotah.. baka c cofibean yon

oo nga eh....

ang dalas ko na mag friendster ngayun eh, halos lagi. Pag nag friemndster ako, parang kahit konti, pakiramdam nasa Pilipinas din. :D!!

oo nga eh....

ang dalas ko na mag friendster ngayun eh, halos lagi. Pag nag friemndster ako, parang kahit konti, pakiramdam nasa Pilipinas din. :D!!
hehe ano na pala balita sa paghahanap mo sa dati mong mga tropa d2 sa pinas? nahanap mo ba ung iba mo pang tropa sa friendster?

ah ok..bad trip yun bro la lang magawa un kupal ampotah.. baka c cofibean yon
nakakatakot pala magpost ng picture sa friendter baka mapintasan ka

nakakatakot pala magpost ng picture sa friendter baka mapintasan ka
wag mo pansinin yon kupal yun! hehe

me friendster acct. ka ba?

nakakatakot pala magpost ng picture sa friendter baka mapintasan ka

oo nga e. wag mo pansinin yung sira. Ayos lang mag post tol. Meron din akong accnt, kaya i check mo kung meron ka.

wag mo pansinin yon kupal yun! hehe

me friendster acct. ka ba?
oo meron pero di ako nag post ng picture ko.

oo meron pero di ako nag post ng picture ko.
bakit naman? ok lang naman e wag kang mag alala dun sa nag titrip na un kulang lang sa pansin ung hinayupak na yun!

tol bigay mo naman email mo sa friendster add kita sa friends ko.. ok lang ba?

bakit naman? ok lang naman e wag kang mag alala dun sa nag titrip na un kulang lang sa pansin ung hinayupak na yun!

tol bigay mo naman email mo sa friendster add kita sa friends ko.. ok lang ba?
oo ba.di ko lang matandaan kung anong email ang inilagay ko doon.4 kasi ang email ko.check ko muna at ibbigay ko sa iyo.

oo ba.di ko lang matandaan kung anong email ang inilagay ko doon.4 kasi ang email ko.check ko muna at ibbigay ko sa iyo.
cge basta post mo lang d2 para add kita pag naka log in ako sa normal na comp shop na pwede ang friendster!

cge basta post mo lang d2 para add kita pag naka log in ako sa normal na comp shop na pwede ang friendster!
bakit hindi ba pwede ang friendster sa iba?

oo ba.di ko lang matandaan kung anong email ang inilagay ko doon.4 kasi ang email ko.check ko muna at ibbigay ko sa iyo.

ako rin tol, i add kita para mas masaya. :)

bakit hindi ba pwede ang friendster sa iba?
pwede kaso d2 ako sa library ng ust ngayon e.. blocked ang friendster d2 e kaya hini ako pwedeng mag log in ngayon! ano na bro? naalala mo na ba ung email add mo?

ako rin tol, i add kita para mas masaya. :)
oo ba.baka mabulabog ang friensdster!lol

LMFAO at this dude...lmfao and his comments

thats some mean ass **** though