View Full Version : The Batty Count


!! Anorak
05-24-2006, 03:01 PM
You know the score by now, I look at all that's batty in the world of boxing and write about it. A bit like David Griesman's "10 Count", only with the word "batty boy" in it several times.


1. Floyd Mayweather, the #1 P4P fighter (a theoretical postulation by boxing journalists, not actually anything achieved in the ring) with the curious ability to avoid competitive match-ups, has been ordered to fight mandatory Mark Suarez in place of Judah. Rumours (that I've just made up) have it that Floyd is intending to carry on with his current career trajectory by enticing Willie Pep out of retirement. That's if Pep doesn't "price himself out of the fight" first. It's proper bum batty!

2. Castillo-Coralles III, already dubbed by HBO as "The Battle of the Cheating Amigos" (except I've just made it up) is hotting up. My prediction is that Coralles will try to one-up Castillo this time by coming in to fight weighing 168lbs. However, Castillo will rip the piss out of him in the second round by spitting out his gumshield fifty times in retaliation. The whole thing will get called off by the ref when they spend the sixth round flicking each other's love potatoes with wet towels.

3. Prince Nazeem Hamed - a man who writes to say "sorry about that" after breaking every bone in your body with his car - has revealed that his incarceration into prison won't stop his boxing comeback. Apparently when it's shower time the Prince is due to experience plenty of pounding in the ring.

4. Just when Wlad Klitschko thought he'd sewn up the "gaylord of the year" awards with his golden tinsel/kool and the gang shenanigans last time out, Luis Collazo ups the fairy ante by pushing Hatton like a six-year-old girl at the end of the first round of their title fight. While Collazo greatly increased his profile and gave Hatton an extremely competitive fight, it's rumoured that he plans to come in to his next bout to Elton John, wearing a pink feather boa. When the ref asks him if he has "any questions", Collazo says he'll reply "Oooooh, get you, sailor! Give us a kiss!"

5. Finally, PPV madness is upon us once more. Cotto continues his "please don't hit my chin" tour with another light puncher, Tarver-Hopkins isn't being announced as "two old farts will eek out a 12-round feinting competition", surprisingly - and Roy Jones Jr. is back under the PPV banner. Back when Roy was at his peak he couldn't get on PPV for love nor money. Now he's old and ****ed you can't get him off the thing. Could it be that people are prepared to part with $50 just to see him sparked again? "Y'all must've forgot... I was flat on my back."

!! Anorak
05-24-2006, 07:27 PM
Boxstarr has pmed me to say that there might be a glitch in this thread, as he can't reply to it.

I imagine 50,000 people wanted to say it was the best thread ever, but couldn't...

PBDS
05-24-2006, 07:38 PM
.....Jesus christ you must have the whole world blocked. Speaking of Batty boys.

!! Anorak
05-25-2006, 06:38 PM
Boxstarr pmed me to say he can't reply to it. I've only got about six people on my ignore list, and there VERY obvious and very worthy contenders.

EXIGE
05-25-2006, 07:34 PM
I believe it was a mistake, Anorak. Perhaps one done by the forum...

There is a thread in the Thunderdome named "Anorak" where Fix et al are complaining about it... Unless they are part of your 6 which I dont think they are, then its an error in the system somewhere...

!! Anorak
05-26-2006, 02:12 PM
Cheers for the heads up, Exige, I'll have to look into it.

Yeah, I won't name the six - if there's that many - but they're very obvious and probably on the ignore list of about half the forum anyway.

The Noose
05-26-2006, 05:18 PM
love potatoes

And the thing about Prince getting a pounding in his arse! ****ing genius my lad.

!! Anorak
05-28-2006, 07:37 AM
Cheers mate. :)

2nd II none
05-28-2006, 11:59 AM
Anorak, pure gold my friend,pure gold.