Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed
and falling to sleep.


All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a
white robe standing in front of his bed.


"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? . and who are you?"
he asked.


"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter,
and
you are in heaven."


"WHAT!!? Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die .....
I'm
too young." said Tom. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me back
immediately."


"It's not that easy", said St.Peter, "you can only return as a
dog or a hen. You can choose on your own"


Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a
dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life.
Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.


"I want to return as a hen." Tom replied.


And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run,
really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna
blow ........ then along came the rooster.


"Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm." he said. "How does
it feel?"


"Well, it's OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is
blowing
up."


"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going
on. Have you never laid an egg before??"


"No, how do I do that?" Tom asked.


"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."


Tom clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and
then
'Plop' and an egg was on the ground.


"Wow" Tom said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again
and
squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the
ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:


"Tom, for Christ's sake!!! Wake up, . you're ****tin' all
over
the bed!"

ha ha, I wasnt expecting that. Heres an old one....

How do you know when your wifes dead??













The sex stays the same but the dishes start to pile up.