View Full Version : ~The Official Limey Jokes Thread~


???
05-04-2006, 02:40 AM
Put all your Limey related jokes here!

Two English men are walking along O'Connell Street when they see a sign in a shop window. Suits £15.00, shirts £2.00, trousers £2.50. One said to the other one "Look at that - we could buy a lot of that gear and, when we get back to England we could make a fortune, When we go into the shop don't say anything, let me do all the talking, cause if they hear our accent they might not serve us, so I'll speak in my best Irish accent."
They go in and he orders, 50 suits at £15.00, 100 shirts at £2.00 and 50 trousers at £2.50 The owner of the shop says "You're English aren't you?"
The Englishman replies "Oh bother... Yes, how the hell did you know that?"
The owner says, "This is a dry cleaners..."

There's an English man, Irish man and a Scotsman. They're being chased by a policeman. They see this old warehouse so they run in. Inside there are 3 empty sacks on the floor. They each jump in a sack. In comes the copper and see's these three bundles on the floor. Goes up to the first one and kicks it. The English man shout out, "Woof Woof", and the copper thinking it's just an old dog leaves it and kicks the second sack. The Scotsman yells out, "Me-ow me-ow", he leaves this one as well thinking its just an old cat. He walks over to the last sack and kicks it, and the Irish man yells out.. "Potatoes Potatoes..!"

boxstarr
05-04-2006, 03:17 PM
hahahaha the second one is so sterotypical:D

Da Iceman
05-04-2006, 05:15 PM
the second one was originally a blonde joke until somebody screwed around with it :rolleyes:

???
05-05-2006, 07:10 PM
hahahaha the second one is so sterotypical:DHere's some more.

A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper.
When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.
"Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them."
He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, to her dogs "Here Soap! Here Water!"

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Johnny, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?"
"That it is," Johnny replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the fancy dress ball." "You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat. "How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Johnny.
"Well," mused Pat, "'tis life and there's a lesson in this somewhere."
"That there is," replied Johnny. "'Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."

medium-deek
05-05-2006, 07:55 PM
Here's some more.

A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper.
When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.
"Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them."
He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, to her dogs "Here Soap! Here Water!"

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Johnny, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?"
"That it is," Johnny replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the fancy dress ball." "You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat. "How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Johnny.
"Well," mused Pat, "'tis life and there's a lesson in this somewhere."
"That there is," replied Johnny. "'Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."


second one is better. keep em coming if you can.

???
05-05-2006, 08:08 PM
A battle weary American soldier boarded a crowded train in in London during the early days of post-WWII, only to discover he was unable to find a place to sit. As he walked the length of the train, he noticed a small white dog curled up on one of the seats. A large, well dressed woman sat in the seat next to the dog. The man hovered near the seat, hoping the woman would take the hint, but she pointedly ignored him.

"Excuse me, Ma'am," the soldier finally spoke, "Is this your dog? Would you mind holding it on your lap so that I may sit down?"

The woman raised her icy gaze to the young man and said in a haughty British accent, "oh! You Americans. You are so rude.
Fluffy is in that seat, and i see no reason why she should give up her comfort for you."

The exhausted soldier nodded, picked up the small dog ... leaned over ... opened the window of the moving train and tossed the dog out. The woman gaped and spluttered in horrified indignation, and the man sitting across from her lowered his newspaper.

"You Americans", he said, "You drive on the wrong side of the road ... you eat with the wrong fork ... and you just threw the wrong ***** out the window."

medium-deek
05-05-2006, 08:18 PM
Hahahah. You good with these jokes. Never heard them before. All new to me.

???
05-05-2006, 08:27 PM
Hahahah. You good with these jokes. Never heard them before. All new to me.Well there are heaps of them on sites.

speedjay
05-05-2006, 08:46 PM
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent." "ONE CENT - that's awesome!" exclaimed the guy.

So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with the works?"

"Certainly, sir, "replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money." "How much money?" inquires the guy. "4 cents," replies the bartender.

"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy... "Where's the Guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replies, "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies... "Same as I'm doing to his business!"

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:09 PM
A battle weary American soldier boarded a crowded train in in London during the early days of post-WWII, only to discover he was unable to find a place to sit. As he walked the length of the train, he noticed a small white dog curled up on one of the seats. A large, well dressed woman sat in the seat next to the dog. The man hovered near the seat, hoping the woman would take the hint, but she pointedly ignored him.

"Excuse me, Ma'am," the soldier finally spoke, "Is this your dog? Would you mind holding it on your lap so that I may sit down?"

The woman raised her icy gaze to the young man and said in a haughty British accent, "oh! You Americans. You are so rude.
Fluffy is in that seat, and i see no reason why she should give up her comfort for you."

The exhausted soldier nodded, picked up the small dog ... leaned over ... opened the window of the moving train and tossed the dog out. The woman gaped and spluttered in horrified indignation, and the man sitting across from her lowered his newspaper.

"You Americans", he said, "You drive on the wrong side of the road ... you eat with the wrong fork ... and you just threw the wrong ***** out the window."
how do we drive on the wrong side of the road if we invented cars?

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:11 PM
this is a good one.

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.

The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.

The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, “Why do you want one of those, son, you're not handicapped.” The boy replied, “I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved.”

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:17 PM
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:20 PM
One day Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Pierce Brosnan were in a jungle in order to take some shots for a movie. Unfortunately, they were caught by a tribal group. As they were about to be executed they pleaded to the Queen of the Tribe for her mercy. She said, ''Get me something good to eat. If I like it, you will be freed.'' The three stars looked at each other and agreed. They then went into the jungle to look for some food

Spielberg was the first to come back. He came up to the altar and offered grapes. She tasted one and immediately spat it out. She ordered her servants to shove the rest of them up his ass. The servants finished their duty, leaving a screaming Spielberg.

Schwarzenegger was the next to arrive with some yummy apples. The same thing happened to him, but cusiously he laughed as the apples were shoved up his ass. Spielberg was shocked. Here he was with grapes up his ass howling in pain, but Schwarzenegger had several apples in his ass and he was still laughing. He asked him ''What the hell are you laughing at?''

A laughing Schwarzenegger replied ''Pierce is coming back with a watermelon.'''

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:22 PM
One day Lone Ranger and his side kick Tonto were out riding when Lone Ranger jad to take a piss. So Lone Ranger goes over to the bush pulls down his pants and then he screams. He runs over to Tonto and says, "Tonto I've been bitten by a snake on my penis go to town and ask the doctor what to do."

So Tonto rides to town and goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, Lone Ranger has been bit by a snake what do I do?"

The doctor looks at Tonto and says, "You take a knife and make an x on the spot where he was bit, then you suck out the venim."

Tonto thanks the doctor and rides back to Lone Ranger and Lone Ranger asks "What did the doctor say?"

Tonto looks at Lone Ranger and says "Doctor say you gonna die!"

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:23 PM
What do George Michael and Wellington Boots have in common?

They both get sucked off in bogs.

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:25 PM
A man walks into a bar with three little ducks and sits each of them on a stool, he looks up at the bartender and says, “Could you mind my ducks while I go use the phone?” The bartender is puzzled, but he doesn't see a problem and agrees to look after the three little ducks.

When the owner of the ducks leaves, the bartender says to the first duck “What's your name?” The duck says, ''My name is Huey.'' And the bartender, an affable fellow, especially around ducks, says, “Hello Huey, how has your day been?” “My day's been great,” answers the duck, “I've been slipping in and out of puddles all day.”

Satisfied, the bartender moves to the next duck and asks the same questions. The second duck replies, “My name is Dewey and I've had a great day; I've been slipping in and out of puddles all day.” The bartender says, ''That sounds nice.''

With this the bartender moved to the third duck and thinks to himself about the first ducks' responses, then says to the third duck, “Don't tell me -- your name's Louie and you've been slipping in and out of puddles all day too.” To which the duck replies, “No. My name's Puddles, and I've had a **** of a day.”

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:27 PM
Due to a mixup on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera are forced to share a private jet in order to arrive in time for the ceremony.

Once up in the air, Madonna pulls out a $1000 bill and says, "I'm going to throw this $1000 bill out the window and make someone down below very happy."

Not to be outdone, Britney ripped a $1000 bill in half and threw it out the window, saying, "Look, I just made two people really happy."

Not even noticing Britney's stupid move, Christina bragged, "Look, I'm going to throw 1000 $1 bills and make a lot more people a little happier."

At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "I think I'll throw all three of you out of this plane and make 250 million people happy."

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:29 PM
Q: Why was Raggedy Ann kicked out of the toybox?

A: Because she sat on Pinnochio's face and told him to lie!

???
05-05-2006, 09:29 PM
A Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scot go out to a pub and order 3 pints. They each find a fly floating on the top of their mugs. The Englishman says, "Bartender, can I have a spoon?" and quietly removes the fly from his brew. The Irishman says, "Get out of there!" and flicks the fly away with a finger. The Scot picks up the fly with his fingers and says, "Alright ya wee bastard. Spit it out. Now!"
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Two old Irishmen were sitting at the local pub drinking a few beers. So Tommy says to George, "George me buddy ol' pal. When I die could you pour a couple of beers o'er me grave?" George says, "Why certainly, but could I pour it through me bladder fist?

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:33 PM
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!"

The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.

The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.

The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties."

''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.

The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"

The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."

The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...''

Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:35 PM
Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there.

''Why?'' he asks.

St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.

St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, ''Why?''

''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:36 PM
A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:37 PM
Little Joey was sitting in the back of class rubbing his crotch, and the teacher asked, “Joey what are you doing?” Joey replied, “Teacher, my mommy had me circumsized yesterday and it still hurts.” So the teacher sent Joey to the principal's office to call his mother and ask what he should do.

When Joey came back from the office, the teacher noticed that he had his penis hanging out. Shocked, the teacher asked, “Joey, what are you doing!?” Joey answered, “Mommy told me to stick it out till lunch and then she would be here to pick me up.”

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:38 PM
A teacher was having a tasting day where she would put candy in the kids' mouth and they would guess what it was. She went to the first little boy and put a Hershey's Kiss in his mouth.

"Can you guess what it is?"

"I don't know," said the boy.

"I'll give you a hint. It's something your daddy asks your mommy for every morning."

The girl next to the boy says "Don't eat it. It's a piece of ass."

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:39 PM
There was a man sunbathing on a beach naked. A girl came along and pointed to his dingly dangly and asked, "what is that?" He replied, "It's my bird!"

She ran away to play in the sand cheerfully. The man fell asleep. zZzZzZz. Later he woke up in hospital with pain around his groin. He did not know what had gone wrong. He thought back maybe the girl might know, so once he was out of the hospital he asked her.

She replied, "I played with the bird and it spat at me so I cracked its neck, broke its eggs, and burnt its nest."

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:41 PM
good one.

There were three babies in a woman's womb, and they were discussing what they would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up.

The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky."

The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "so I can get some lights in here, its dark!"

The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"

He replied, "So," he said proudly, "I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us.

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:44 PM
A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous.

The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit's end as to what to do about their sons' behavior.

The parents had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they contacted him, and he agreed to give it his best shot. He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"

At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"

The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!"

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:47 PM
There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He doesn't know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel. He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where he's going with his donkey.
"Anywhere I go, she goes."
"I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you can't take the donkey upstairs. Leave it down here with us and we'll take good care of her." So Bozo goes up to his room and opens the door. Everything is made of gold, there is a table full of food, and a huge television. He doesn't want to ruin anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the floor. The next morning the manager comes up to the room and asks how his night was.
''Great!'' replied Bozo. ''How much do I have to pay?'' he asks.
''One thousand dollars for the food.''
''But I haven't touched the food."
''It was right there, so you should have. Two thousand dollars for the TV."
''But I didn't even know how to turn the damn thing on!''
''It was there, so you should have. Five thousand for sleeping on the bed."
''But I slept on the floor!''
''It was there. Your total is eight thousand dollars."
''You owe me ten thousand dollars for screwing my donkey.''
''But sir, I didn't screw your donkey.''
''It was there. You should have!''

Da Iceman
05-05-2006, 09:49 PM
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.

The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day.

medium-deek
05-06-2006, 05:21 AM
NextRocky, your Jokes are ****, man. Totally **** and not funny. Must be the gulf in the sense of humour. Leave it to ??? His jokes are similar to what we have over here.

Mick Hucknall
05-06-2006, 09:05 AM
LOl Medium deek tell it like it is

supaduck
05-06-2006, 10:54 AM
An englishman, irishman and scotsman are at work. the englishman says "****s sake, I get chicken sandwiches everyday". the scotsman and irishman both say the same, but the scotsman gets turkey and the irishman potato.

The englishman says "if i get chicken again tommorow, im going to kill myself." the irishman and scotsman say the same for their sandwiches. sure enough the next day they get the same sandwiches again. they all climb up a crane and jump to their deaths.

three days later at the funeral, the three men's wives are all crying. the englishman's wife says "if only he'd asked, I could have changed the type of sandwich he got" and sobs into her sleeve. The scotsman's wife says "if only my husband had said he wanted a change I could have given it to him.."... the irishmans wife then says "well what I don't understand is that my husband made his own bloody sandwiches!!!"

medium-deek
05-06-2006, 11:49 AM
An englishman, irishman and scotsman are at work. the englishman says "****s sake, I get chicken sandwiches everyday". the scotsman and irishman both say the same, but the scotsman gets turkey and the irishman potato.

The englishman says "if i get chicken again tommorow, im going to kill myself." the irishman and scotsman say the same for their sandwiches. sure enough the next day they get the same sandwiches again. they all climb up a crane and jump to their deaths.

three days later at the funeral, the three men's wives are all crying. the englishman's wife says "if only he'd asked, I could have changed the type of sandwich he got" and sobs into her sleeve. The scotsman's wife says "if only my husband had said he wanted a change I could have given it to him.."... the irishmans wife then says "well what I don't understand is that my husband made his own bloody sandwiches!!!"

Thats more like it! :D

medium-deek
05-06-2006, 11:51 AM
LOl Medium deek tell it like it is

I like NextRocky. A good forum member. But for the sake of this thread, I had to be honest.

Da Iceman
05-06-2006, 01:36 PM
NextRocky, your Jokes are ****, man. Totally **** and not funny. Must be the gulf in the sense of humour. Leave it to ??? His jokes are similar to what we have over here.
thats cuz your british and you dont like american jokes. and i dont like ???'s jokes. its not racism i just dont understand them.

!!! Beowulf !!!
05-06-2006, 01:52 PM
thats cuz your british and you dont like american jokes. and i dont like ???'s jokes. its not racism i just dont understand them.


American jokes are just a bit more crude (in content and style) than jokes over here.

supaduck
05-06-2006, 01:57 PM
yeah they're a bit more dirty and slapstick.

Da Iceman
05-06-2006, 04:05 PM
yeah they're a bit more dirty and slapstick.
but funnier.

!!! Beowulf !!!
05-06-2006, 04:21 PM
but funnier.

I don't think so. :rolleyes:

Da Iceman
05-06-2006, 05:01 PM
I don't think so. :rolleyes:
your in britain so you wouldnt think so.

medium-deek
05-06-2006, 05:01 PM
I don't think so. :rolleyes:

neither do I.

supaduck
05-07-2006, 10:34 AM
American jokes aren't funny. I didn't laugh or even smile at any of nextrocky's.

supaduck
05-07-2006, 10:34 AM
i think americans don't get british jokes because you have to know a few stereotypes, i.e a stereotypical scotsman, englishman, welshman and (northern) irishman...

Da Iceman
05-07-2006, 10:43 AM
i think americans don't get british jokes because you have to know a few stereotypes, i.e a stereotypical scotsman, englishman, welshman and (northern) irishman...
thats kind of why i dont get any of them. my jokes were pretty good.

supaduck
05-09-2006, 11:56 AM
probably... I don't know a sterotypical italian or anything like that

???
11-07-2008, 01:17 PM
Here are two good ones I heard yesterday.

A young kid was walking down the hall one day parents room when he heard moaning and groaning from it. He looks in and sees them having sex. The next day his father goes past his sons room and hears moaning and groaning. He looks in and sees his son having sex with his fathers mother. The son then says "You don't like it when I **** your mum do you?"

The were two girls sitting down one day and one of them goes, "Look there's my husband with a big bunch of flowers. I'll be laying on my back for the whole weekend with my legs open." Then the other girl says, "Don't you have a vase?"

JulioCesaChavez
11-07-2008, 01:31 PM
Englishman, Scottishman and Irishman were working on a building site. They had their pack lunches on the roof everyday. Englishman opens his lunchbox and says 'I ****ing hate ham sandwiches, if I get these tomorrow I will kill myself!'. Scots man opens his lunchbox and says 'I ****ing hate salmon sandwiches, if I get these tomorrow I'm jumping off the building'. Irishman opens his box and says 'I ****ing hate cheese sandwiches, if I get these tomorrow then I'm jumping off too!'.

The next day, The englishman got ham, so he jumped off the building and killed himself. Scottishman got salmon so jumped off too. Irishman got cheese, so jumped off the building and killed himself!!!

At the funral the Englishmans wife was crying and said 'If only I knew John hated ham, he would be alive today!!'.

Scotsmans wife wailed and exclaimed 'If only I knew Angus hated salmon, he wouldn't have died such a horrible death!'.

The Irishman's wife looked on in confusions. After a little while she mumbles..........


'I don't understand, Paddy made his own bloody sandwiches!'.