I have an Issue Proposal paper due Tuesday...Proofreading appreciated [Archive]

spinksjinx

01-16-2005, 09:38 AM

N P

01-16-2005, 09:49 AM

Not looking for smart ass comments, but constructive criticism.

It is an English Composition class (eng102) and the topic could be about anything but has to be about an argumentive topic.

Also it has to explain 4 major points:

1.What is the Issue
2. Why is compelling to you
3. What do you already know about the topic
4. What more do you need to know

http://www.geocities.com/goldengloveschampmt01/1.doc

Thanks in advance.

1. The following paragraph obviosly requires more work. The idea of obtaining stems cells through ethical means is worthy of an elaboration.

"In my time researching detailed information on stem cell research, I had
Discovered that the people oblige the scientific study due to the unethical method on how stem cell is obtained. However stem cells can be evolved through bone marrow which could lead to a shining future for stem cell research. With the possibility to be accepted, and have the rights of being government funded. Deriving stem cells through bone marrow would decrease the termination of an embryo which would reverse the negative outlook on how the method is performed."

2. "Stem cells could possibly help or cure such tragedies as mental diseases and present the ability for a paraplegic to have hope to walk again".

There are many more benefits to using stem cells that are worth mentioning.

3. "The majority of the people don’t have a clue on what the possibilities of this research method could present and are really in the dark on what it can do."

The informal style of this sentence does not match with the style of the rest of the essay. The second part of the sentence is logically identical to the first part.