View Full Version : Your Favourite Comedy Punch Line.
EXIGE 08-09-2005, 08:48 PM I have a couple of comedy punch lines that i am particularly fond of. I dont think many will apprecaite them on this forum, other than those who are British maybe, but ill give it a shot anyway.
Here are 2 that are taken from an old British comedy series called Fawlty Towers. It may have been broadcasted over in America (Trigger Happy TV was lol).
Customer: "Waiter, i have a hair in my soup!!"
Basil Fawlty: "Well dont shout it out, or everyone will want one"
Another one:
Customer #1: "Oh thats a nice dog isnt it"
Customer #2: "Yess its a ****su"
Customer #1: "Ah a little ****su, i wonder what breed it is"
those are some funny lines. I suppose you would have to watch the episodes to appreciate it however.
tell me some of your favourite lines in a comedy sketch that you know, and dont hate British comedy on this thread please. In return i wont say anything bad about American comedy.
-Nova- 08-09-2005, 09:03 PM Q: What can a pizza do that a black man can't???
A: Feed a family of four!!!! :D
Dirt E Gomez 08-09-2005, 09:08 PM Rectum? Damn near killed em'!
EXIGE 08-09-2005, 09:11 PM Rectum? Damn near killed em'!
What? I dont get it.
BadMagick 08-09-2005, 09:12 PM Rectum? Damn near killed em'!
Wow, I never got that until right now, when I read that. I'm retarded, or something. I always thought it was some gay joke, or something... wow...
I can't really think of many comedy lines that really make me laugh a lot. I like some British humor, though mostly American.
Dirt E Gomez 08-09-2005, 09:13 PM What? I dont get it.
It's just a punchline that has never had a joke to it as far as I've heard. I'm sure somebody has made a joke to fit it, but it's been a punchline as a joke for a long time.
BadMagick 08-09-2005, 09:25 PM It's just a punchline that has never had a joke to it as far as I've heard. I'm sure somebody has made a joke to fit it, but it's been a punchline as a joke for a long time.
Yeah...
Think of it this way: Wrecked 'em (Rectum)? Damn near killed 'em!
angelo_dundee 08-09-2005, 10:04 PM General rule of thumb, British humor sucks horse ****.
BLOODSHED 08-09-2005, 10:13 PM Thats a British joke... not funny here nor does it make sense.
I have a couple of comedy punch lines that i am particularly fond of. I dont think many will apprecaite them on this forum, other than those who are British maybe, but ill give it a shot anyway.
Here are 2 that are taken from an old British comedy series called Fawlty Towers. It may have been broadcasted over in America (Trigger Happy TV was lol).
Customer: "Waiter, i have a hair in my soup!!"
Basil Fawlty: "Well dont shout it out, or everyone will want one"
Another one:
Customer #1: "Oh thats a nice dog isnt it"
Customer #2: "Yess its a ****su"
Customer #1: "Ah a little ****su, i wonder what breed it is"
those are some funny lines. I suppose you would have to watch the episodes to appreciate it however.
tell me some of your favourite lines in a comedy sketch that you know, and dont hate British comedy on this thread please. In return i wont say anything bad about American comedy.
EXIGE 08-10-2005, 07:57 AM General rule of thumb, British humor sucks horse ****.
Ok i said no hating on this thread, yet you decided to contribute nothing to the thread other than your totally unimportant and insignificant opinion on what is funny and what is dry.
Well done *******.
EXIGE 08-10-2005, 07:57 AM Thats a British joke... not funny here nor does it make sense.
What one doesnt make sense to you.
They are crystal clear to me.
Yet you do have cornrows and your white so your logic is pretty ****ed anyway.
What one doesnt make sense to you.
They are crystal clear to me.
Yet you do have cornrows and your white so your logic is pretty ****ed anyway.
I thought this was a fun thread.
I'm not dead yet. Shut up you will be soon.
triggerhappy 08-10-2005, 10:13 AM what is the difference between a jew and a pizza?
Answer: pizza dose'nt screem in the oven.
whats blue and doesnt fit?
a dead epileptic. :eek:
i was in a bar one night and this saicy lass came up to me, sultry and dark she said, Hi my names Carmen, im called carmen cos i like cars and men"
I replied,
"pleased to meet you meet you, im boxingbeerc*nt."
baboom tish :D
what better than winning gold at the para olympics?
walking. :eek:
siorry for thiose they were the sickest i could come up with.
actually i know worse but not for a family site.
TheBrownBomber22 08-10-2005, 11:18 AM i was in a bar one night and this saicy lass came up to me, sultry and dark she said, Hi my names Carmen, im called carmen cos i like cars and men"
I replied,
"pleased to meet you meet you, im boxingbeerc*nt."
baboom tish :D
LMAO :D
The message you have entered is too short.
whats blue and doesnt fit?
a dead epileptic. :eek:
i was in a bar one night and this saicy lass came up to me, sultry and dark she said, Hi my names Carmen, im called carmen cos i like cars and men"
I replied,
"pleased to meet you meet you, im boxingbeerc*nt."
baboom tish :D
what better than winning gold at the para olympics?
walking. :eek:
siorry for thiose they were the sickest i could come up with.
actually i know worse but not for a family site.
:D
What's the worst thing about eating vegitables?
Putting them back in the wheel chair.
oh ive got much worse than that mate.
did you hear about the guy with no arms and legs in the night club.
got chucked out for arsing around.
but keeping it clean the great late Tommy Cooper. :cool:
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round."
The other one says "so are you, you fat bastard!"
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Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this
taste funny to you?"
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Two prostitutes standing on a street corner. One says to the
other, "have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The other replies, "No, but I've been swung around by the
tits!"
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery
acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
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An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and done
everything, and the time had come to depart from this
world. After considering various methods of doing away with
herself she came to a conclusion.
The quickest and surest way would be to shoot herself through the
heart. The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her
heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her
that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.
She shot herself in the left kneecap.
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A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the
dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop
assistant calls out:
'Can I help, sir?'
'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
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Patient : Doctor, you've got to help me. Every night I get the
urge to go downstairs and stick my dick into the biscuit tin.
Do you know what's wrong with me?
Doctor : Yes ... 'you're ****ing crackers.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A man gets on a train and sits next to a blonde reading a book
called Sex Statistics. 'Any good?', he asks.
'Fascinating - American Indians have the widest penises,
and Polish men the longest. By the way,
I'm Jane.'
'Hi,' he says. 'I'm Tonto Palawlaski.'
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"Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a
library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh!' and everyone just
stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane,
and everyone joins in.
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"He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser
legs and put it in a library.'
I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books."
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"And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people
were chucking money to him.
I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?'
He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
So that was nice."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said I want to buy
an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.'
He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.' He said 'To camp?',
I said (butchly) 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.' I said 'I also want to buy a caravan.'
He said 'Camper?'
I said (campily) 'Make your mind up.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died.'"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'.
And the dentist said to me 'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?'
And a voice said 'You are.'"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local
swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outsidemy house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And
I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.'
jack_the_rippuh 08-10-2005, 11:42 AM http://img355.imageshack.us/img355/5493/bag7kr.gif
you sure lived up to your name there finesse :rolleyes:
jack_the_rippuh 08-10-2005, 11:48 AM you sure lived up to your name there finesse :rolleyes:
I know right. :p
What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's cribb?
A pediphiles ass. :D
chopper77 08-10-2005, 11:51 AM There is a drunk that hangs out in front of a bar liquor store and he always sees this one guy pick up the ladies. He gets curious and goes up to the guy to ask him his secret. The guy tells the bum, I go up to the lady and say "tickle your ass with a feather". If they get pissed off and say 'what the hell did you say' I just say "particularly nasty weather". So the bum figures I can do that. He sees this beautiful red head and goes up to her and says, "hey lady stick a feather up your ass", and she says 'what the hell did you say', and he says "raining like a **** out aint it".
I know right. :pWas she that ugly? :confused:
jack_the_rippuh 08-10-2005, 11:52 AM you sure lived up to your name there finesse :rolleyes:
Just a quick question. Did you get caught by somebody you didn't want to have see that image?
jack_the_rippuh 08-10-2005, 11:53 AM Was she that ugly? :confused:
I don't know. That chick was 0wned in that pic, though. She was 0wned baaaaaad.
I don't know. That chick was 0wned in that pic, though. She was 0wned baaaaaad.
I wish I could get a chick to do that.
EXIGE 08-10-2005, 04:10 PM what is the difference between a jew and a pizza?
Answer: pizza dose'nt screem in the oven.
That one was harsh :D.
EXIGE 08-10-2005, 04:10 PM whats blue and doesnt fit?
a dead epileptic. :eek:
i was in a bar one night and this saicy lass came up to me, sultry and dark she said, Hi my names Carmen, im called carmen cos i like cars and men"
I replied,
"pleased to meet you meet you, im boxingbeerc*nt."
baboom tish :D
what better than winning gold at the para olympics?
walking. :eek:
siorry for thiose they were the sickest i could come up with.
actually i know worse but not for a family site.
Those where funny.
EXIGE 08-10-2005, 04:11 PM Why arent ****'s good at playing football?
Cos everytime they get a corner they build a shop.
boxstarr 08-10-2005, 04:27 PM wots worse than finding your kids in michael jacksons bed???
finding them in ian huntleys bath
whats the difference between michael owen and princess diana??
michael owen scored in france...diana hit the post
these were my sickest two
Dirt E Gomez 08-10-2005, 04:28 PM What did the blind, deaf, retarded kid get for Christmas?
Cancer!
EXIGE 08-10-2005, 04:46 PM What did the blind, deaf, retarded kid get for Christmas?
Cancer!
OHHH NOO!
I really shouldnt be lafin at these sick ones but i am. I suppose society hasnt had a good effect on me lol.
rocco1252 08-10-2005, 04:57 PM Anything from the Big Lebowski makes me crack up.
The Golden Boy 08-11-2005, 01:08 AM "We are all human. If you take a naked aboriginal man and a naked asian man, they are the same... except the asian man has a smaller penis." - We Can Be Heros
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