Bombardier
12-06-2004, 10:05 AM
Now that we're well into the 00s decade, there seem to be a lot of new screwball types of personalities that are either new or have multiplied considerably. Here's a sampling of some of the ones that I've noticed. Feel free to add your own suggestions.
1. Bitter Ex-Programmer Turned Tech Support Worker
Average age: Late 20s.
Description: Having secured a plum position at an Internet startup in the late 90s, by 2001 found themselves desperate an unemployed. After a year or two of fruitless searching for a similar well-paying position, takes lowly job answering phones for one of the giant ISPs.
Hobbies: Talking incessantly about how the next "boom" is only months away. Discussing how the "world just wasn't ready" for whatever half-baked product their own company was producing. Handing out business cards. Teaching night classes of "Beginner's Java" at the local community college. Inventing company names for themselves to prove they are a separate entity from the company they are working for.
Favourite hangouts: Trendy local Irish-themed pub, especially on "Trivia Night". Movie theatre on the cheap night. Anywhere where a local consortium of professionals is having a "Wine and Cheese".
Favourite TV shows: Star Trek: Enterprise. Reruns of Law & Order.
Strange but true fact: For some reason, can often find attractive girl/boyfriends who believe everything they say.
2. World War 2 Nerd
Average age: Late teens to early 20s.
Description: Living a dreary life in the suburbs, the World War 2 nerd compulsively watches, collects and reads everything and anything they can get their hands on related to World War 2. Often dreams of fighting in a absurdly idealized version of the war in the belief that their life would be more fulfilling and exciting.
Hobbies: Building model Spitfires, correctly people who mispronounce the word Luftwaffe.
Favourite hangouts: Any of those museums filled with nothing but old uniforms and medals.
Favourtie TV shows: World-war related content on the History Channel (in other words, 80% of History Channel shows)
Strange but true fact: Has probably never met anoyone who actually fought in World War 2.
3. Compulsive Home Renovator
Average age: Early 30s to Early 40s
Description: The Compulsive Home Renovator dreams of living in a idealized fantasy house which is nothing less than the "home of their dreams". When not actually renovating their house or contracting others to do so, they talk incessantly about future renovations they'd like to do on their home, or renovations performed by other homeowners that they have heard about. When at another person's house, they insist on a "tour". Know the real-estate prices of practically every lot in their hometown.
Hobbies: Spending their entire workdays arguing on the phone with their spouse or contractors about the current "work" being done on the house. Showing their roughed-up hands to their co-workers after a weekend of painting or carpentry.
Favourite hangouts: Home Depot, local SUV dealership
Favourite TV shows: Any of those shows where people cry after seeing how other people have beautified their homes. The Bachelor.
Strange but true fact: After years of struggle to reshape their house into something that they are finally satisfied with, are often shopping for a new house.
4. 40-Year Old New Parent
Average age: Well, 40.
Description: Having vowed early in their lives to never have children and instead focus on satisfying their own insatiable desires, find themselves at middle age to be somehow unsatisfied. At this point, if they are single, the 40-Year Old New Parent will marry out of desperation of having a family, though they don't actually like the person they marry all that much.
Hobbies: Talking incessantly about child-rearing as if they had invented the practice. Complaining about how children "take over your life". Discussing the precious possessions they had owned all their lived that the children have "stained".
Favourite hangouts: Vaccination clinics, toy stores (to bribe the children, since it seems to be the best way to keep them quiet)
Favourtie TV shows: Dora the Explorer. Whatever is on after their children's 8pm bedtime and their own 8:30pm bedtime.
Strange but true fact: Despite their eccentric behaviour, are convinced that their children adore them.
1. Bitter Ex-Programmer Turned Tech Support Worker
Average age: Late 20s.
Description: Having secured a plum position at an Internet startup in the late 90s, by 2001 found themselves desperate an unemployed. After a year or two of fruitless searching for a similar well-paying position, takes lowly job answering phones for one of the giant ISPs.
Hobbies: Talking incessantly about how the next "boom" is only months away. Discussing how the "world just wasn't ready" for whatever half-baked product their own company was producing. Handing out business cards. Teaching night classes of "Beginner's Java" at the local community college. Inventing company names for themselves to prove they are a separate entity from the company they are working for.
Favourite hangouts: Trendy local Irish-themed pub, especially on "Trivia Night". Movie theatre on the cheap night. Anywhere where a local consortium of professionals is having a "Wine and Cheese".
Favourite TV shows: Star Trek: Enterprise. Reruns of Law & Order.
Strange but true fact: For some reason, can often find attractive girl/boyfriends who believe everything they say.
2. World War 2 Nerd
Average age: Late teens to early 20s.
Description: Living a dreary life in the suburbs, the World War 2 nerd compulsively watches, collects and reads everything and anything they can get their hands on related to World War 2. Often dreams of fighting in a absurdly idealized version of the war in the belief that their life would be more fulfilling and exciting.
Hobbies: Building model Spitfires, correctly people who mispronounce the word Luftwaffe.
Favourite hangouts: Any of those museums filled with nothing but old uniforms and medals.
Favourtie TV shows: World-war related content on the History Channel (in other words, 80% of History Channel shows)
Strange but true fact: Has probably never met anoyone who actually fought in World War 2.
3. Compulsive Home Renovator
Average age: Early 30s to Early 40s
Description: The Compulsive Home Renovator dreams of living in a idealized fantasy house which is nothing less than the "home of their dreams". When not actually renovating their house or contracting others to do so, they talk incessantly about future renovations they'd like to do on their home, or renovations performed by other homeowners that they have heard about. When at another person's house, they insist on a "tour". Know the real-estate prices of practically every lot in their hometown.
Hobbies: Spending their entire workdays arguing on the phone with their spouse or contractors about the current "work" being done on the house. Showing their roughed-up hands to their co-workers after a weekend of painting or carpentry.
Favourite hangouts: Home Depot, local SUV dealership
Favourite TV shows: Any of those shows where people cry after seeing how other people have beautified their homes. The Bachelor.
Strange but true fact: After years of struggle to reshape their house into something that they are finally satisfied with, are often shopping for a new house.
4. 40-Year Old New Parent
Average age: Well, 40.
Description: Having vowed early in their lives to never have children and instead focus on satisfying their own insatiable desires, find themselves at middle age to be somehow unsatisfied. At this point, if they are single, the 40-Year Old New Parent will marry out of desperation of having a family, though they don't actually like the person they marry all that much.
Hobbies: Talking incessantly about child-rearing as if they had invented the practice. Complaining about how children "take over your life". Discussing the precious possessions they had owned all their lived that the children have "stained".
Favourite hangouts: Vaccination clinics, toy stores (to bribe the children, since it seems to be the best way to keep them quiet)
Favourtie TV shows: Dora the Explorer. Whatever is on after their children's 8pm bedtime and their own 8:30pm bedtime.
Strange but true fact: Despite their eccentric behaviour, are convinced that their children adore them.