300,000 point lottery [Archive]

jack_the_rippuh

12-02-2004, 11:14 AM

A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to many doctors over the years, but none of them could help him. Finally one doctor said to him "I believe I found the reason for your stuttering".
The man asked, "Wha.. wha.. wha..what is my pro.. pro.. problem."

The doctor replied, "Your penis is very, very large. The weight of your penis is causing a strain on your larynx, and this results in your stuttering. The only solution to this is to perform a penis transplant." The man was really tired of his stuttering, so he agreed to a transplant. Several days later the doctor called the man up and informed him that they have found a suitable donor. The transplant operation was successfully performed and the man could speak without any stutter.

At first he was happy, but after a while he began to miss his large penis, and how the girls used to love it. He finally went back to his doctor and said, "Doctor, I am grateful for the opportunity you have given me to speak without a stutter, but I miss my old penis. Please find the transplant donor and tell him that we have to exchange penises back."

The doctor shook his head and replied, "That's im.. im.. im.. impo.. impossible."

JOM'S

12-02-2004, 11:16 AM

just put my name on reserved will look for funny pics...

jack_the_rippuh

12-02-2004, 11:26 AM

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in the cab and notices a monkey on the dashboard.
After a few miles, he asks the driver what the monkey is for.

The driver says "I'll show you," and with that he hits the monkey with the back of his hand, sending the poor creature rolling across the dash.

The monkey goes down between the drivers legs, unzips his pants, pulls out his unit and proceeds to give the trucker oral gratification.

When finished, the monkey pulls out a tissue, cleans the driver up, puts everything back and jumps back up on the dashboard.

"See that?" said the trucker.

The man said, "Yeah."

The trucker ask the man, "You want to try it?"

The man said, "OK, but don't hit me as hard as you hit that monkey!"

The1God

12-02-2004, 11:30 AM

A gal goes to her father and ask's if she can use the car to go to the mall with her friends....

Her father says "Sure, all you have to do is give your daddy a good BJ"

The girl looks disgusted but really wants the car... She pleads with him but he insists that a BJ is the only way to get the car.

She finally gives in and gets down on her knees. As she is blowing her dad, she suddenly stops and Yells "DAD, Your **** tastes like ****!!!!"

Dad spouts out "****, I forgot, your brother needs the car tonight!"

DR. FREECLOUD

12-02-2004, 11:33 AM

i'm in. but i gotta find the right pic or joke.

jack_the_rippuh

12-02-2004, 11:33 AM

The1God

12-02-2004, 12:47 PM

http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/3efe3064/bc/Yahoo!+Photo+Album/RodHolder.jpg?pfbZ1rBBfE2AK5lx

SonnyG8R

12-02-2004, 12:51 PM

http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/3efe3064/bc/Yahoo!+Photo+Album/RodHolder.jpg?pfbZ1rBBfE2AK5lx

lol :D

funny.

The1God

12-02-2004, 01:00 PM

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.

Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

DR. FREECLOUD

12-02-2004, 01:08 PM

ok sonny. i have mine ready but i don't want to post it yet.

abdiel2k3

12-02-2004, 01:19 PM

lmao
hahhaha rippuh put some funny ass ones
but the funniest "ass" one was the brother needed the car
sickeningly hillarious

JaNnO

12-02-2004, 03:09 PM

Okey Sonny, here's my entry. I really need the points! I wanna be a super member. This one is an original from me. I only told this to bigldb12…and its boxing-related too. Hope to get your vote and the points!!!

-----------

Bob Arum Did It Again!

In the hallway going out of a federal building, the government’s lead investigator handling Bob Arum’s case whispered to his ears and said

FBI: “We have a strong case against you and there’s no chance that you can get yourself out of this one. I know you’re one crafty person, but I know that you lie most of the times. You can try your famous “Yesterday I was lying, Today I’m telling the truth” crap but I tell you now -- it’s not going to work this time. However, I have a proposition for you. If you can tell me a lie that is closest to a truth, then I will personally guarantee that you will walk away from all these mess a free man.”

Arum: (Couldn’t believed what he just heard) You got yourself a deal!

The following morning, the two met again in the hallway at the same building.

FBI: (Giving Bob a pat on the sholder with all confidence) “Well. I’m pretty sure that you did’nt get enough sleep last night. I had it all thought out I still have to meet a man who can tell me this story.”

Arum: “I wanna make sure that I can count on your word”.

FBI: “All I need to do is make the recommendation and you’re free as a bird. All you need to do is convince me by your story.”

Arum: Okay, here it goes (pauses)…Sir, Isn’t it true that you were born by your mother?

FBI: (Puzzled but nevetheless calm) Yeah, that’s true - I’m no test-tube baby.

Arum: (With a big grin on his face) Isn’t it also true that when she delivered you, you came out of her ASS?

FBI: That’s the mother of all lies. Of course you know where I came out!

Arum: (Now with even a bigger grin) Yeah I know, but isn’t that less than half an inch apart?

FBI: Damn, he did it again!

And that’s the reason why Bob Arum is still a free man today!

DR. FREECLOUD

12-02-2004, 04:05 PM

here ya go sonny!

http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?i83wmkhfkto

puppy_dogg

12-02-2004, 04:08 PM

im kind of a dull guy, can i be in it anyway? :D

The1God

12-02-2004, 04:15 PM

What do you do when your done eating a bald *****????

Put the diaper back on!

I NEED THE POINTS!!!! HELL KARMA TOO!!!!

Fat Shamz

12-02-2004, 04:16 PM

http://tinypic.com/py4pl

Its a great way to meditate, only if u can stop pissing yourself laughing!
Ps: Im still seaching

Ranger2408

12-02-2004, 04:18 PM

here ya go sonny!

http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?i83wmkhfkto
way cool but what a suck up :p

SonnyG8R

12-02-2004, 04:19 PM

What do you do when your done eating a bald *****????

Put the diaper back on!

I NEED THE POINTS!!!! HELL KARMA TOO!!!!

Oh DAMN!! That's just wrong. :eek: lmao

SonnyG8R

12-02-2004, 04:19 PM

here ya go sonny!

http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?i83wmkhfkto

That is awesome!

The1God

12-02-2004, 04:19 PM

How do you know when a Canadian women is having her period?

When she's only wearing one sock...

JaNnO

12-02-2004, 04:24 PM

How do you know when a Canadian women is having her period?

When she's only wearing one sock...

How do you know when a Southern girl is still a virgin?

When she still can run faster than her father and brothers...

The1God

12-02-2004, 04:38 PM

Internet simulator

http://www2.b3ta.com/realistic-internet-simulator/

The1God

12-02-2004, 04:41 PM

http://www.choppingblock.org/comics/cb20040818.jpg

I am begging to win this, some Karma too

The1God

12-02-2004, 04:41 PM

http://www.uselessjunk.com/modules/coppermine/albums/userpics/10053/wrist_elve%7E0.gif

The1God

12-02-2004, 04:42 PM

http://www.witold.org/jokes/pics/HARLEY.jpg

The1God

12-02-2004, 04:48 PM

http://www.uselessjunk.com/modules/coppermine/albums/userpics/13986/uck.gif

.::|ULTIMATE|::.

12-02-2004, 04:50 PM

ULTIMATE

Joke 1: A man approaches a beautiful woman in a supermarket. “I’ve lost my girlfriend,” he tells her. “Can you stand here and talk to me for a few minutes?” “Sure, but I don’t understand how that would help,” she replies. “Well, every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my girlfriend appears out of nowhere.”

Joke 2: A primary school teacher in the Bronx decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made. She asked the kids to put their hands up if they knew the correct sound. Who knows what sound a cow makes? she asked. Mary put her hand up and said Moooo!

Very good replied the teacher, what sound do sheep make?
Baaaa answered Johnny. She continued this for a while.
Then she asked What sound does a pig make?
All the hands in the class went up. She was surprised at the response. She chose the shy little boy at the back of the class.
He stood up, took a deep breath, and screamed, Up against the wall, mother****er!

DR. FREECLOUD

12-02-2004, 06:45 PM

and again

http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?i84clv1inarg

Fat Shamz

12-02-2004, 06:47 PM

is there a limit to how much we can post, cos big pappys killin it...

DR. FREECLOUD

12-02-2004, 06:52 PM

is there a limit to how much we can post, cos big pappys killin it...

what do you mean?

Fat Shamz

12-02-2004, 06:53 PM

well, i think there should be a limit to the amount of entries one has, maybe 5 or so...
not meaning any offense to u, theere pretty damn good
but if there was a limit of 5 per person then maybe we would all have a fair chance.

DR. FREECLOUD

12-02-2004, 06:55 PM

Fat Shamz

12-02-2004, 06:57 PM

true but i only have two entries! :D

oh **** my bad, sorry man, i meant The1God

once again, sorry big pappy

The1God

12-02-2004, 10:43 PM

No prob, I'll stop. Very understandable. Just take one of my jokes and just enjot the rest.

phallus

12-02-2004, 10:51 PM

What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?

the fridge doesn't scream when u stick the meat in it

( you know what's the best thing about this joke? i heard it from a ten year old kid. REALLY)

phallus

12-02-2004, 10:52 PM

also check out this site:

www.jokes.com

it's even got zombie baby jokes and other ****ed up ****

roXy graziano

12-02-2004, 10:55 PM

A guy buys a new Lamborghini sportscar and goes to his Orthodox
rabbi to ask him to bless a mezuzah for the car.
"What is a Lamborghini?" asks the rabbi and when the guy explains, the rabbi says "No way am I
blessing a mezuzah for such an extravagance!"
So the guy finds a Conservative rabbi and makes the same request. "What is a Lamborghini?"
the rabbi asks and hearing the explanation, also refuses to give his blessing.
So finally the guy goes to a Reform rabbi with his request.
"Sure!" says the rabbi, "but what's a mezuzah?"

:D sorry OK maybe no one else thinks this is funny but i crack up everytime I read it

Fat Shamz

12-02-2004, 11:02 PM

You cant get any better than this:

There are three types of people in this world:
Those who can count, and those who cant.

Think about it...

Fat Shamz

12-02-2004, 11:07 PM

Believe it or not...this is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.

#1: Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

#2: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.

#1: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

#2: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

#1. THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!

#2. This is a lighthouse. Your call.

roXy graziano

12-02-2004, 11:25 PM

The Fix

12-02-2004, 11:52 PM

The1God

12-03-2004, 08:21 AM

Sorry, popped in for 1 more quick one.

There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who know Binary
and those who don't.

Geek Humor

kepsy

12-03-2004, 09:42 AM

Polish Sausage
A man goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican?
Would ya, huh? Would ya?" The clerk says, "Well, no."
"And if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
”Well, I probably wouldn't."
With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?"

The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot."

PacKillsMorales

12-03-2004, 10:43 AM

TheGreat1 finally caught up with that thief sonny :D
http://www.boxingscene.com/s******/forsonny.gif

PacKillsMorales

12-03-2004, 10:44 AM

And heres what sonny looked like afterwards
http://www.boxingscene.com/s******/forsonny.jpg

The1God

12-03-2004, 10:55 AM

OK One more if you insist,

What's the best thing about five year olds?

When their hair is wet they look like three year olds...

What's the worst thing about five year olds?

Having to get the bubble gum out of the clown suit when your done with them...

abdiel2k3

12-03-2004, 11:10 AM

And heres what sonny looked like afterwards
http://www.boxingscene.com/s******/forsonny.jpg

o ****
whats the story behind that ugly mug

PacKillsMorales

12-03-2004, 12:06 PM

o ****
whats the story behind that ugly mug

hes inserted fruit and veg under his skin.
all the rage apparently.

abdiel2k3

12-03-2004, 12:23 PM

hes inserted fruit and veg under his skin.
all the rage apparently.

?
u serious?
looks like he just took a horrible beating

DR. FREECLOUD

12-03-2004, 01:32 PM

http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?i85st11c2jm4

Dr.Depravity

12-03-2004, 01:35 PM

A guy was sitting in a plane next to this gorgeous blonde.
So he asks her where shes going.
"Im going to las vegas for a nymphomaniac convention."
"really?" the guy says. "so what do you talk about at these conventions?" asks the guy/
"Actually I dispell myths about stereotypes and sex." she says
"well like what?"
"Well a lot of people think african americans have the biggest dicks, actually Native Indians do."
"huh, what else"
"some people think that the french are the most romantic, but the their not. Its the Polish."
"Ill be damned! what else" asked the guy.
"Also, a lot of people think Itallians are the best lovers, but in reality rednecks are."
thats really interesting he says. then the lady goes "I never did get your name"
"Oh its Tonto Pollanski, but my friends call me bubba."

DR. FREECLOUD

12-03-2004, 02:59 PM

http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?i85wrprudyg

dodge

12-03-2004, 03:10 PM

http://www.allfunnypictures.com/images/church.jpg

Fat Shamz

12-03-2004, 03:11 PM

http://www.allfunnypictures.com/images/church.jpg

LMFAO !!!

The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 10 characters.

dodge

12-03-2004, 03:13 PM

http://www.allfunnypictures.com/images/handjob.jpg

dodge

12-03-2004, 03:16 PM

http://www.allfunnypictures.com/images/heros.jpg

dodge

12-03-2004, 03:19 PM

http://www.allfunnypictures.com/images/exams.jpg

dodge

12-03-2004, 03:23 PM

http://www.allfunnypictures.com/images/overload.jpg

Fat Shamz

12-03-2004, 03:24 PM

http://www.allfunnypictures.com/images/overload.jpg

that picture is sad more than funny, i wanna see those *******s pull a load like that themselves instead of making an innocent animal do that. i bet that animal hardly gets any food either. and it probly got a beating for not being able to carry that load

The1God

12-03-2004, 03:43 PM

They are making an ass out of that animal!!!!

(Bad Pun)

JaNnO

12-03-2004, 05:54 PM

A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here in the Holy Land and spend only $150.00?" The man replied, "A man died here 2000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

JaNnO

12-03-2004, 05:54 PM

A man wakes up one morning and there's a gorilla on
his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure
enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers." He calls
the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over
in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van.
He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a
mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do," the
homeowner asks? "I'm going to put this ladder up
against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there
and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball
bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is
trained to grab his nuts and not let go. The gorilla
will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the
cage in the back of the van." He hands the shotgun to
the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the
gorilla knocks ME off the roof, shoot the dog!"

jack_the_rippuh

12-03-2004, 06:36 PM

http://www.boxing-pics.com/James_Toney_vs_Vassily_Jirov/toney013.jpg

Hey check it out...it's the shoulder roll.

The1God

12-05-2004, 01:53 PM

Sonny, are you going to announce the winner? I am anxious!!!

PacKillsMorales

12-05-2004, 01:55 PM

TheGreat1 finally caught up with that thief sonny :D
http://www.boxingscene.com/s******/forsonny.gif
REMEMBER THIS SONNY :D

PacKillsMorales

12-05-2004, 01:56 PM

And heres what sonny looked like afterwards
http://www.boxingscene.com/s******/forsonny.jpg
AND THIS :D

Fat Shamz

12-05-2004, 01:56 PM

I think i should win, please sonny, pleaaaassse ahhaha, if i dont win gimme karma for participation :D

PacKillsMorales

12-05-2004, 01:59 PM

I think i should win, please sonny, pleaaaassse ahhaha, if i dont win gimme karma for participation :D
WHAT ABOUT I GIVE YA SOME BAD KARMA WORTH 75 K HAHAHA
dont panic...im out for 24hrs

Fat Shamz

12-05-2004, 02:05 PM

WHAT ABOUT I GIVE YA SOME BAD KARMA WORTH 75 K HAHAHA
dont panic...im out for 24hrs

oh if u give me bad karma worth 75k after i gave u good karma for 230k, ill hav no choice but hit u wit bad karma twice when i can

nah jus playin, i dont hand out bad karma, unless theres a reason!!!
unlike SOME people
j/k its all good

PacKillsMorales

12-05-2004, 02:07 PM

oh if u give me bad karma worth 75k after i gave u good karma for 230k, ill hav no choice but hit u wit bad karma twice when i can

nah jus playin, i dont hand out bad karma, unless theres a reason!!!
unlike SOME people
j/k its all good
somehow i forgot about that :D
i only bad karma for a real reason now...

please dont kill me :D

kepsy

12-05-2004, 04:23 PM

somehow i forgot about that :D
i only bad karma for a real reason now...

please dont kill me :D
dude... seriously, please bring back jolie for your avatar. this guy ain't doing it for me... lol

PacKillsMorales

12-05-2004, 05:30 PM

like the new avatar...kournaboner..or is it bonerkova
ur well in da minus..shizer :p

Fat Shamz

12-05-2004, 05:37 PM

dude... seriously, please bring back jolie for your avatar. this guy ain't doing it for me... lol

i jus watched taking lives and i gotta say WHOLY
damn, WHOLY, wow, WOW, WHOLY ahhaha
that movie is kool :eek:

PacKillsMorales

12-05-2004, 05:39 PM

i jus watched taking lives and i gotta say WHOLY
damn, WHOLY, wow, WOW, WHOLY ahhaha
that movie is kool :eek:
the film starts nicely till they wheel change...
N.A.S.T.Y
i cant wait to see it again

Fat Shamz

12-05-2004, 05:47 PM

the film starts nicely till they wheel change...
N.A.S.T.Y
i cant wait to see it again

I have it on my comp. i can upload if u have the money :D (as in points)

PacKillsMorales

12-05-2004, 05:56 PM

I have it on my comp. i can upload if u have the money :D (as in points)
i had it on mine too..my bruv will buy it no doubt

kepsy

12-06-2004, 12:05 AM

like the new avatar...kournaboner..or is it bonerkova
ur well in da minus..shizer :p
damn.... those lips... mesmerizing.... lol

DR. FREECLOUD

12-06-2004, 08:49 AM

did sonny announce the winner yet?

JOM'S

12-06-2004, 09:43 AM

dude... seriously, please bring back jolie for your avatar. this guy ain't doing it for me... lol

SLIM, i second kepsy's request to bring back jolie as your avatar, P L E A S E...

kepsy

12-06-2004, 01:37 PM

i jus watched taking lives and i gotta say WHOLY
damn, WHOLY, wow, WOW, WHOLY ahhaha
that movie is kool :eek:
just saw it last night... damn.... nice sex scene. you knew something was up though when the car accident happened. it just cannot be that simple.

SonnyG8R

12-06-2004, 02:46 PM

did sonny announce the winner yet?

Everyone who posted on this thread will be hooked up with 500,000 points. As long as you aren't already a SM, or just an ******* :D

Dark Destroyer

12-06-2004, 02:50 PM

Am i too late for this? :D

Fat Shamz

12-06-2004, 02:50 PM

Everyone who posted on this thread will be hooked up with 500,000 points. As long as you aren't already a SM, or just an ******* :D

when do we got hookd up wit da 500g

Fat Shamz

12-06-2004, 02:51 PM

when do we got hookd up wit da 500g

oh never mind, jus got it

Fat Shamz

12-06-2004, 02:53 PM

just saw it last night... damn.... nice sex scene. you knew something was up though when the car accident happened. it just cannot be that simple.

yea it was quite a twist :eek:
have u seen the others?

I now declare myself the first member to buy SM status after infaltion! :cool:

JaNnO

12-06-2004, 03:00 PM

Everyone who posted on this thread will be hooked up with 500,000 points. As long as you aren't already a SM, or just an ******* :D

got the 500geez. thanks sonny, yo da man! the hoosier rocks!

SonnyG8R

12-06-2004, 03:02 PM

Am i too late for this? :D

Of course not.

I hooked up the1god, jacktherippa, JaNnO, Yoko, Shamz, beeatch, roXy_grazano, and Shawny.

I have to spread it around a little before I can give karma and the 500,000+ points that go with it to bigpappy, ultimate, dodge, and wez. I will get you guys tonight or tomorrow. :D

The rest of you are either already Supermembers, *******s, or both :p

Dark Destroyer

12-06-2004, 03:03 PM

Of course not.

I hooked up the1god, jacktherippa, JaNnO, Yoko, Shamz, beeatch, roXy_grazano, and Shawny.

I have to spread it around a little before I can give karma and the 500,000+ points that go with it to bigpappy, ultimate, dodge, and wez. I will get you guys tonight or tomorrow. :D

The rest of you are either already Supermembers, *******s, or both :p

Thanks man :cool:

m00ks

12-06-2004, 03:16 PM

Everyone who posted on this thread will be hooked up with 500,000 points. As long as you aren't already a SM, or just an ******* :D

wow, you have so much points coming out of your ass its ridiculous!

The1God

12-06-2004, 03:27 PM

Thanks dude!!!!! Wooo-Hooo, I'm rich!!!! Hope you like the jokes!!!

Atwa_66

12-06-2004, 06:15 PM

Thanks dude!!!!! Wooo-Hooo, I'm rich!!!! Hope you like the jokes!!!
I'm not rich, sucks to be me :(

m00ks

12-06-2004, 06:18 PM

Thanks man :cool:

cool movie, I also like dlock stock and two smoking barrels

.::|ULTIMATE|::.

12-06-2004, 07:14 PM