View Full Version : "Boxing Funnies"


mickey malone
01-15-2010, 12:11 AM
January's a depressing time of year in most parts of the world (especially if you're a Mayweather fan)
So i thought id try and add a bit of cheer..

Please contribute with funny stories, jokes, sayings/phrases, quotes, poems or anicdotes to do with boxing that might raise a few laughs..

Nigel Benn calling McGuigan and Watt 'handjobs' while gesticulating his gloved right hand on live TV has to be one of my all time favs..

Another one was when Iran Barkley tried to get at him, after the ref had stopped their fight in the 1st..
You can clearly hear Benn yelling, 'come on then my son, lets av it in the street!'

These are just 2 examples from 1 fighter, so come on lads, lets keep em rolling... Regards mm

Bigdaddy_Vh
01-15-2010, 12:34 AM
Kostya tszyu's Ko of Zab Judah...you wanna laugh look that **** up...

GJC
01-15-2010, 03:41 PM
Funny exchange I can remember between Joe Bugner and Hugh McAlvenney.
Mac was berating Joe after the 2nd Ali fight saying a lot of people are disappointed with you Joe for not using much aggression and just fighting to survive.
To which Bugner said bring on anyone i'll fight them all, bring on Jesus Christ.
Mac replied Joe, you only want Jesus because you know he has bad hands.

sonnyboyx2
01-15-2010, 04:23 PM
interviewer to Mike Tyson... Mike what did you think when Larry Holmes came out dancing at the start of the 4th round throwing out a fast, snapping jab...Mike said, "i just thought to myself, Boy is he going to get it"

sonnyboyx2
01-15-2010, 04:30 PM
Jack Johnson to Traffic-cop who stopped him for doing 60mph on a 40mph road and gave Johnson a on the spot $50 fine...Johnson gave the Cop a $100 bill, the cop said,"i cant change that".. Johnson said"Keep the change, i will be doing the same speed on the return journey"

sonnyboyx2
01-15-2010, 04:33 PM
Roy Jones Jr. when asked if he would consider coming to Britain to fight Nigel Benn.... Jones,"i will go over and fight him in his mothers front room if he likes"...

mickey malone
01-15-2010, 07:54 PM
Funny exchange I can remember between Joe Bugner and Hugh McAlvenney.
Mac was berating Joe after the 2nd Ali fight saying a lot of people are disappointed with you Joe for not using much aggression and just fighting to survive.
To which Bugner said bring on anyone i'll fight them all, bring on Jesus Christ.
Mac replied Joe, you only want Jesus because you know he has bad hands.
I remember that.. Very witty man is McIlvenny, and without doubt the best boxing journalist in the UK.. Kinda reminds me of Clive James..
Love the one about Tyson, Sonnyboy..

The one from Iron Mike that always cracks me up, was just after he'd beaten Tyrell Biggs, when he says, 'I could hear him making noises, he was kinda crying & making womanly gestures when i hit him to the body'..
'Jeeez Man!... Not even my wife makes noises like that!'

melo4142
01-16-2010, 12:35 AM
Remember the quote of billy conn after the joe louis fight? After being KTFO by louis, the reporters asked him why he would go for a knockout when he was clearly winning the fight. Conn replied " What's the point of being an Irish, if you cant' be stupid".

sonnyboyx2
01-16-2010, 03:10 AM
Remember the quote of billy conn after the joe louis fight? After being KTFO by louis, the reporters asked him why he would go for a knockout when he was clearly winning the fight. Conn replied " What's the point of being an Irish, if you cant' be stupid".

did not Billy Conn also say he got beat because "i Zigged when i shouda Zagged`

mickey malone
01-16-2010, 03:54 AM
Remember the quote of billy conn after the joe louis fight? After being KTFO by louis, the reporters asked him why he would go for a knockout when he was clearly winning the fight. Conn replied " What's the point of being an Irish, if you cant' be stupid".
Paddy wants to turn pro, so the trainer sends him for a medical..
Next day, the trainer calls him into the office and says, "I'm sorry Paddy it's bad news,
I'm afraid you've got Sugar Diabetes"..
Paddy immediately jumps for joy and replies, "That's fine by me boss, I don't give a fuk who I fight!"

sonnyboyx2
01-16-2010, 05:46 AM
***8220;Boxing is the only sport you can get your brain shook, your money took and your name in the undertaker book.***8221;

Joe Frazier quote

sonnyboyx2
01-16-2010, 05:59 AM
Here is a couple of Mike Tyson quotes:

"Lennox Lewis, I'm coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!"

"My main objective is to be professional but to kill him."

"I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him [Lennox Lewis]. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children."

On Razor Ruddock

"You're sweet. I'm going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I'm gonna make you my girlfriend."

On His Wife

"I paid a worker at New York's zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin. When we got to the gorilla cage there was 1 big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let smash that silverback's snotbox! He declined."

"Anyone with a grain of sense would know that if I punched my wife I would rip her head off. It's all lies. I have never laid a finger on her."

On His Time in Prison

"You have to understand, Frank Bruno would not have been champion if I had not been in prison. Oliver McCall would not have been champion if I had not been in prison. A lot of these guys would not have been champion. Michael Moorer would not have been champion. Those guys would not have been champion if I had been around. They would have had no legacy. None of those guys would have had a legacy."

"I would have been in shape. I would have been active. Holyfield, those guys wouldn't have been champion when I was around, but I went away for four or five years inactive and that made them competitive for a time."

"But you really have to look at the science of the situation. You guys come here to talk and report but you don't actually look at the facts of what this business is all about. The best thing that happened to those guys and they should stand on their mother's shoulders and kiss my ass because I went to prison or they would not be existing right now. They'd be a flash in the pan and would have made some money and opened up a restaurant or bar somewhere where they live at."

On Boxing

"I try to catch him right on the tip of the nose, because I try to push the bone into the brain."

"Everyone in boxing probably makes out well except for the fighter. He's the only one that's on Skid Row most of the time; he's the only one that everybody just leaves when he loses his mind. He sometimes goes insane, he sometimes goes on the bottle, because it's a highly intensive pressure sport that allows people to just lose it [their self-control]."

"How dare these boxers challenge me with their primitive skills? It makes me angry. They're just as good as dead."

"My power is discombobulatingly devastating I could feel is muscle tissues collapse under my force. It's ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm."

Tyson: "It's interesting that you put me in the league with those illustrious fighters [Muhammad Ali, Joe Louis, Jack Johnson], but I've proved since my career I've surpassed them as far my popularity. I'm the biggest fighter in the history of the sport. If you don't believe it, check the cash register."

"Without discipline, no matter how good you are, you are nothing! One day, and I might not be around; you're going to meet a tough guy who takes your best shot. He'll keep coming because he's tough. Don't get discouraged. That's when the discipline comes in."

"I just want them to keep bringing guys on and I'm going to strip them of their health. I bring pain, a lot of pain."

Miscellaneous Quote.

"I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating."

The Surgeon
01-16-2010, 07:35 AM
I always find the fact that Paulie Mallinagi had to have a haircut MID FIGHT amuseing! lol

The Surgeon
01-16-2010, 07:39 AM
Lennox Lewis on being asked what he thought of Micheal Grant "He's a nice guy"

Reporter asks again no i mean in the ring Lennox, to wich Lewis replys "He's a nice guy!"

GJC
01-16-2010, 12:36 PM
Willie Pep

"he who hits and runs away, lives to fight for 29 years".

Pep was married six times, and bemoaned the cost of his five divorces. "All my wives were great housekeepers," he once said. "After every divorce, they kept the house."

"I've got it made. I've got a wife and a TV set -- and they're both working."

Talking to an old opponent years after each retired. "Do you recognize me?" the old opponent asked. Willie looked hard and considered before finally replying "Lie down so I can recognize you."




"Winky" Wright

" It's called boxing, not knockouts. "


Randall "Tex" Cobb

"When I got up I stuck to my plan -- stumbling forward and getting hit in the face."

Responding to a reporter who said Cobb was a fat, cocaine snorting , drunk. Cobb replied: "I'm not fat.

"I was once knocked out by a Mexican bantamweight - six of my pals
were swinging him around by his heels at the time."


Mike Tyson

"Every fighter's got a plan until they get hit"

"Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon...smart too late."


Muhamad Ali

“Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even.”

“The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses - behind the lines, in the gym and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.”

“A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.”

I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my
bedroom and was in bed before the room was dark."



George Foreman: "Bob, I can't chase these guys anymore."
Bob Arum: "George, I cant put it in the contracts that they can't run."


Marlon Starling

"I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right"



Jim Rome, Commenting on the then impending Tyson Golata fight


Here you have one guy who wants to eat your children, fighting a guy who wants to stop you from having them"


Willie Pastrano

Answering the fight doctor during his title bout against Jose Torres - You're damn right I know where I am! I'm in Madison Square Garden getting the sh*t kicked out of me.


Ray Mancini

Since I've retired, I eat less, weigh less, train less and care less.

mickey malone
01-17-2010, 01:58 PM
Many thanks for those GJC.. Randy Cobb never fails to raise a few smiles!

Do you remember former British light heavyweight champion, Steve McCarthy getting the better of Tony Wilson in the 3rd, when all of a sudden, into the ring jumps Wilson's elderly mother and attacks McCarthy with her shoe!
To add insult to injury, McCarthy, sighting blood from a head wound caused by the shoe attack, refuses to come out for the 4th so the ref gives it to Wilson on a TKO3!
McCarthy's fans who'd been causing trouble all night (and were the main instigators behind Mrs Wilson's wobbler) then go ape**** & smash the place up..

Another one that made me laugh, was when the hang glider crashed in on Bowe Holyfield.. The guy was all smiles and looked really proud of himself, which in an instant turned to terror when everyone started beating the **** out of him..

S H O B O X
01-17-2010, 02:11 PM
To me, boxing is like a ballet except there's no music no choreography and the dancers hit each other - jack handy

S H O B O X
01-17-2010, 02:12 PM
Don King, on boxing's rating system: When we started, it was based on lies. It's changing now. There are no secrets in the business. You've got to come with the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. It's becoming very confusing.

S H O B O X
01-17-2010, 02:12 PM
Brian London, answering if he would fight Ali again: "Sure, as long as he ties a 56 lb. weight to each leg."

Bundana
01-17-2010, 04:53 PM
This doesn't really qualify as "ha, ha" funny - it's more like "this-is-so-ridiculous-that-it's-almost-funny" funny.

Back in 1980 when WBHF was founded in California (as a rival to the East Coast based IBHOF), they decided to induct 16 former (retired for at least 5 years) boxers that first year. A 44-man selection committee was put together of boxing historians from the US, Canada, Europe, South Africa, Japan, Australia and New Zealand - and they were instructed to each vote for a maximum of 25 boxers, of their own choice, who they felt were worthy of induction.

When all the ballots were in, a total of 43 different boxers had received votes, and guess who finished all the way down in 27th place (tie with Jack Root!), with just 15 votes - thus missing the cut by a wide margin? Yes, none other than Sugar Ray Robinson!! That 29 out of 44 "boxing historians"(?) didn't feel, that SRR belonged in an all time top-25 is so insane, that you can only laugh!

BG_Knocc_Out
01-17-2010, 05:05 PM
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DeepSleep
01-17-2010, 05:13 PM
Boxing writer: "Iran, what are you going to do when you retire?"

Iran Barkley: "Rob your house"

JAB5239
01-17-2010, 05:23 PM
Max Baer when asked for his definition of fear: "Standing across the ring from Joe Louis and knowing he wants to go home early."

JAB5239
01-17-2010, 05:23 PM
Boxing writer: "Iran, what are you going to do when you retire?"

Iran Barkley: "Rob your house"

Love that one!

Sugarj
01-17-2010, 06:41 PM
Max Baer, when suffering from the heart attack that killed him that very night was asked if he wanted to see the house doctor he replied 'I want to see a people doctor!'.

mickey malone
01-18-2010, 12:38 AM
Back in 1977, former Minnesota heavyweight Scott LeDoux who is now an outspoken, no-nonsense tv pundit, decked and knocked hell out of a fighter by the name of Johnny Boudreaux, only to see the decision go against him..
LeDoux was so incensed, he publicly charged the verdict had been fixed and when TV presenter Howard Cosell tried to calm him down, LeDoux threw his toupee into the crowd.. Funny stuff!

Sugarj
01-18-2010, 06:05 AM
God bless Howard Cosell!!!

He and Ali had some good lines.......

Cosell to Ali 'Your being extremely truculent'

Ali to Cosell 'Whatever truculent mean, if its good I'm that'.



Ali to Cosell 'You keep sayin that I'm not the man I was ten years ago. Well I asked your wife and she said your not the man you were two years ago!'


Ali to Cosell 'Your hair is a phony and it comes from the tale of a Pony'

One more round
01-18-2010, 06:13 AM
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:lol1: :lol1: you get a split second glimpse of Larry's face, and his eyes are all wide and **** as he leaps off the car :lol1: