A SAD STORY


A
little
boy
was
so
jealous
of
his
new born
brother
so he put
poison
on the nipple of
his mother.
The next day…
their family driver
died.
Isn’t it sad ??? hehe :D

A SAD STORY


A
little
boy
was
so
jealous
of
his
new born
brother
so he put
poison
on the nipple of
his mother.
The next day…
their family driver
died.
Isn’t it sad ??? hehe :D



At least the driver died doing something he enjoyed :p :D

Good reply bro thrilla. o eto pa

English Class

Englih class kaya Bawal ang magtagalog.

Pedro: Mam, may I go out please.

Teacher: Why????

Pedro: because FATHER, MOTHER, ME!

Teacher: What?????

Pedro: {(pawisan)} TATA,INA,AKO! PWAHHH!!!!! :D

Good reply bro thrilla. o eto pa

English Class

Englih class kaya Bawal ang magtagalog.

Pedro: Mam, may I go out please.

Teacher: Why????

Pedro: because FATHER, MOTHER, ME!

Teacher: What?????

Pedro: {(pawisan)} TATA,INA,AKO! PWAHHH!!!!! :D



yahahahaha :D

HELL

A girl newcomer in hell, complained to satan “There are so many cute guys here but they have small dicks”. Satan replied “ Dumb ass!!! If they have big, long dicks, it would be like you’re in heaven” :D

HELL

A girl newcomer in hell, complained to satan “There are so many cute guys here but they have small dicks”. Satan replied “ Dumb ass!!! If they have big, long dicks, it would be like you’re in heaven” :D


Exactly !!! hahah . that was a good one kadyo ;)

he he he, mga sad stories nga to, keep it comming prof...

A SAD STORY


A
little
boy
was
so
jealous
of
his
new born
brother
so he put
poison
on the nipple of
his mother.
The next day…
their family driver
died.
Isn’t it sad ??? hehe :D
so sickingly sad...

the lesson of the story: never suck someone else's wife's nipples.... save the ***** :D

HELL

A girl newcomer in hell, complained to satan “There are so many cute guys here but they have small dicks”. Satan replied “ Dumb ass!!! If they have big, long dicks, it would be like you’re in heaven” :D
yahoo!! :D

HELL

A girl newcomer in hell, complained to satan “There are so many cute guys here but they have small dicks”. Satan replied “ Dumb ass!!! If they have big, long dicks, it would be like you’re in heaven” :D
you've got the right quote....

so sickingly sad...

the lesson of the story: never suck someone else's wife's nipples.... save the ***** :D
directly in the hole....don't hesitate to point it, not to bounce around the corner because she's not your wife...hahahaha

Good reply bro thrilla. o eto pa

English Class

Englih class kaya Bawal ang magtagalog.

Pedro: Mam, may I go out please.

Teacher: Why????

Pedro: because FATHER, MOTHER, ME!

Teacher: What?????

Pedro: {(pawisan)} TATA,INA,AKO! PWAHHH!!!!! :Dgood english class for a beginner like pedro...

directly in the hole....don't hesitate to point it, not to bounce around the corner because she's not your wife...hahahaha
LOL!!! pare tagalogin mo di ko maintindihan LOL!!!!

from FHM:

Pranksters Solve The Math

Back in grade three, a friend and I pulled a prank in the boy's restroom in school that got us in big trouble-and the most fun of our lives.

One particularly boring day, we decided to rig one of the cubicles with pulling bombs-those little pyrotechnics with strings you had to pull on-to give the luckless boy who would use it to scare of his life.

We set it up so discreetly that it turned to be a fine work of art from two boy rascals. We waited in the next cubicle for our victim. Finally, the door to the restroom swung open and he came.

He pulled on the safe cubicle-but we locked that-so he proceeded to the wired loo and-bam! Then there was a prolonged silence, which sort of freaked us out a bit, but then we just burst out laughing in our hiding place.

Then came a gentle knock on our cubicle door. It was our math professor, red-faced and angry, with his pants wet and stinking. He was so in a hurry to unload all his filth and we broke up his party.

He just couldn't wait-and the bomb must have given him a shock-he just had to let go. He was a reeking mess. And so were we-after we were given a two-week suspension.
http://www.fhm.com.ph/girls/truestories/images/pranksters.jpg

- Gix, by email

from FHM:

Pranksters Solve The Math

Back in grade three, a friend and I pulled a prank in the boy's restroom in school that got us in big trouble-and the most fun of our lives.

One particularly boring day, we decided to rig one of the cubicles with pulling bombs-those little pyrotechnics with strings you had to pull on-to give the luckless boy who would use it to scare of his life.

We set it up so discreetly that it turned to be a fine work of art from two boy rascals. We waited in the next cubicle for our victim. Finally, the door to the restroom swung open and he came.

He pulled on the safe cubicle-but we locked that-so he proceeded to the wired loo and-bam! Then there was a prolonged silence, which sort of freaked us out a bit, but then we just burst out laughing in our hiding place.

Then came a gentle knock on our cubicle door. It was our math professor, red-faced and angry, with his pants wet and stinking. He was so in a hurry to unload all his filth and we broke up his party.

He just couldn't wait-and the bomb must have given him a shock-he just had to let go. He was a reeking mess. And so were we-after we were given a two-week suspension.
http://www.fhm.com.ph/girls/truestories/images/pranksters.jpg

- Gix, by email

Oo nga sad din yung nangyari para sa teacher. :D

A sad man

I was sad till I saw a man without two arms, shaking his shoulder and jumping with joy. When I asked why he was happy, he replied, “ I’m not happy, my balls are itchy and I can’t scratch them!” :D

A SAD STORY


A
little
boy
was
so
jealous
of
his
new born
brother
so he put
poison
on the nipple of
his mother.
The next day…
their family driver
died.
Isn’t it sad ??? hehe :D

NAMATAY SA SARAP, HE-HE... :p

from FHM:

Pranksters Solve The Math

Back in grade three, a friend and I pulled a prank in the boy's restroom in school that got us in big trouble-and the most fun of our lives.

One particularly boring day, we decided to rig one of the cubicles with pulling bombs-those little pyrotechnics with strings you had to pull on-to give the luckless boy who would use it to scare of his life.

We set it up so discreetly that it turned to be a fine work of art from two boy rascals. We waited in the next cubicle for our victim. Finally, the door to the restroom swung open and he came.

He pulled on the safe cubicle-but we locked that-so he proceeded to the wired loo and-bam! Then there was a prolonged silence, which sort of freaked us out a bit, but then we just burst out laughing in our hiding place.

Then came a gentle knock on our cubicle door. It was our math professor, red-faced and angry, with his pants wet and stinking. He was so in a hurry to unload all his filth and we broke up his party.

He just couldn't wait-and the bomb must have given him a shock-he just had to let go. He was a reeking mess. And so were we-after we were given a two-week suspension.
http://www.fhm.com.ph/girls/truestories/images/pranksters.jpg

- Gix, by email

NAKAKAIYAK!!! :D :p

PAYAG BA SI LOLA?(SAD TO BE OLD)

Konduktor: Lola, pasensya na po kayo kasi puno na. Payag ba kayo ng patayo?
Lola: Tinamaan ka ng liktek! Kung inabot mo lang ang kabataan ko, kahit PATUWAD pwede!!! :D

Look what the poison did to the poor nipple..
http://www.medscape.com/content/1997/00/40/88/408876/art-wh3076.fig13.jpg

Look what the poison did to the poor nipple..
http://www.medscape.com/content/1997/00/40/88/408876/art-wh3076.fig13.jpg

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! :D

A SAD CHILD

Pwede na bang mag bra?

Anak: Dad I’m 15 na, pwede naba ko mag bra?

Dad: di pwede!!!

Anak: but dad, all of my friends are wearing bra na!

Dad: Pagpuyo diha Diego. Sipaon taka ron!!!(Magtigil ka diego. Sipain na kita dyan ngayon!!!!) :D

A SAD CHILD

Pwede na bang mag bra?

Anak: Dad I’m 15 na, pwede naba ko mag bra?

Dad: di pwede!!!

Anak: but dad, all of my friends are wearing bra na!

Dad: Pagpuyo diha Diego. Sipaon taka ron!!!(Magtigil ka diego. Sipain na kita dyan ngayon!!!!) :D

si diego ticol ba yun bro :D

si diego ticol ba yun bro :D

Nyahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! :D

A SAD CHILD

Pwede na bang mag bra?

Anak: Dad I’m 15 na, pwede naba ko mag bra?

Dad: di pwede!!!

Anak: but dad, all of my friends are wearing bra na!

Dad: Pagpuyo diha Diego. Sipaon taka ron!!!(Magtigil ka diego. Sipain na kita dyan ngayon!!!!) :D

lol, keep those sad stories comming PROF!!! he he he

A SAD CHILD

Pwede na bang mag bra?

Anak: Dad I’m 15 na, pwede naba ko mag bra?

Dad: di pwede!!!

Anak: but dad, all of my friends are wearing bra na!

Dad: Pagpuyo diha Diego. Sipaon taka ron!!!(Magtigil ka diego. Sipain na kita dyan ngayon!!!!) :D
hari ka talaga prof, walang dadaig sayo :p

Nyahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! :D
si Diego ticol nga iyon :D

A SAD CHILD

Pwede na bang mag bra?

Anak: Dad I’m 15 na, pwede naba ko mag bra?

Dad: di pwede!!!

Anak: but dad, all of my friends are wearing bra na!

Dad: Pagpuyo diha Diego. Sipaon taka ron!!!(Magtigil ka diego. Sipain na kita dyan ngayon!!!!) :D

Ha-ha...pastilan, pastilan... :D

Ha-ha...pastilan, pastilan... :D
sus ginoo :D

Lmao........
gives new meaning to the old Milk Man joke

Pinaka isog nga rat!

Rat 1: Ako isog kaayo! Kaon ko Racumin ug Dora rat!!!

Rat 2: Ako gyud ang mas isog kay kaon ko cheese nga naay mouse trap!!!

Rat3:Ako ang pinaka isog sa tanan!!!! Ako iyot ug iring!!!!

TAGALOG TRANSLATION.

Pinakamatapang na daga!

Rat 1: Ako ay totong matapang! Kumain ako ng Racumin at Dora rat killer!!!

Rat 2: Ako ang mas matapang. Kinain ko ang keso na may mouse trap!!!

Rat3:Ako ang pinakamatapang sa lahat!!!! Kumantot ako ng pusa!!!! :D

Translate nyo na lang sa inglis! ;)

Pinaka isog nga rat!

Rat 1: Ako isog kaayo! Kaon ko Racumin ug Dora rat!!!

Rat 2: Ako gyud ang mas isog kay kaon ko cheese nga naay mouse trap!!!

Rat3:Ako ang pinaka isog sa tanan!!!! Ako iyot ug iring!!!!

TAGALOG TRANSLATION.

Pinakamatapang na daga!

Rat 1: Ako ay totong matapang! Kumain ako ng Racumin at Dora rat killer!!!

Rat 2: Ako ang mas matapang. Kinain ko ang keso na may mouse trap!!!

Rat3:Ako ang pinakamatapang sa lahat!!!! Kumantot ako ng pusa!!!! :D

Translate nyo na lang sa inglis! ;)

Ha-ha-ha!!! Matay, Kadz, nakaihi man ko sa akong panty! He-he... :D

Ha-ha-ha!!! Matay, Kadz, nakaihi man ko sa akong panty! He-he... :D

Aw diay? Buangang ilagaa asta ang iring gi iyut!!!! bwahahahahaha!!!! :D

Ha-ha-ha!!! Matay, Kadz, nakaihi man ko sa akong panty! He-he... :D
babae ba ito? :D

babae ba ito? :D
oo nga babae ba yan?

babae ba ito? :D


Pareng Nadz, ano sa tingin mo?? He-he...:D


Kadz, naa pay lain?? Asa diay makita ang imong ilaga nga mangiyot ug iring? :p

Pareng Nadz, ano sa tingin mo?? He-he...:D


Kadz, naa pay lain?? Asa diay makita ang imong ilaga nga mangiyot ug iring? :p

Ang ilaga wala na pero ang iring nia pa'g buros na! :D
Daghan pa pero ikaw na'y translate sa tagalog ug inglis. Okey?

BANA: Bad breath man ka day oi!
ASAWA: Saba diha! nahubog na pud kang amawa ka. Pagtarong lagig higda aron dili bilat imong kaistorya!!!! :D

Ang ilaga wala na pero ang iring nia pa'g buros na! :D
Daghan pa pero ikaw na'y translate sa tagalog ug inglis. Okey?

BANA: Bad breath man ka day oi!
ASAWA: Saba diha! nahubog na pud kang amawa ka. Pagtarong lagig higda aron dili bilat imong kaistorya!!!! :D

WTF? :confused:

WTF? :confused:

Hahahahaha!!! tinatamad ako mag translate tol! :o

Hahahahaha!!! tinatamad ako mag translate tol! :o

mukha nga eh, hehehehehe

mukha nga eh, hehehehehe
O eto na para sayo...

BANA: Bad breath man ka day oi!
ASAWA: Saba diha! nahubog na pud kang amawa ka. Pagtarong lagig higda aron dili bilat imong kaistorya!!!!

TRANSLATION

MISTER: Ano ba yan! Bad breath ka.
MISIS: Tumahimik ka! Lasing ka na namang sira ulo ka. Ayusin mo nga yang paghiga mo para hindi puki ang kausap mo!!! :D

O eto na para sayo...

BANA: Bad breath man ka day oi!
ASAWA: Saba diha! nahubog na pud kang amawa ka. Pagtarong lagig higda aron dili bilat imong kaistorya!!!!

TRANSLATION

MISTER: Ano ba yan! Bad breath ka.
MISIS: Tumahimik ka! Lasing ka na namang sira ulo ka. Ayusin mo nga yang paghiga mo para hindi puki ang kausap mo!!! :D

wahahahahahahaha :D

wahahahahahahaha :D

O itranslate mo naman sa inglis dahil tamad ako para maintidihan ng mga kano. ;)

O eto na para sayo...

BANA: Bad breath man ka day oi!
ASAWA: Saba diha! nahubog na pud kang amawa ka. Pagtarong lagig higda aron dili bilat imong kaistorya!!!!

TRANSLATION

MISTER: Ano ba yan! Bad breath ka.
MISIS: Tumahimik ka! Lasing ka na namang sira ulo ka. Ayusin mo nga yang paghiga mo para hindi puki ang kausap mo!!! :D


ENGLISH TRANS

HUSBAND: What the? You have bad breath.
WIFE: SHUT UP! You're drunk again you moron. Lie in bed properly so that you're not talking to my ***** :D

ENGLISH TRANS

HUSBAND: What the? You have bad breath.
WIFE: SHUT UP! You're drunk again you moron. Lie in bed properly so that you're not talking to my ***** :D

Hoy mga kupal gising na!!!!! Kain muna ko!!!!

Si kepsy pa rin ang piunaka kupal!!!! :D

SIR: Inday, c Sir mo 2..bangga kotse ko and i nid
cash!
INDAY: Aru!!! dugo-dugo gang ka noh!
SIR: Gaga! c Sir mo talaga to!
INDAY: Gago! c Sir ang tawag saken CUPCAKE!!!!

KUTO1: do u hear me over?
KUTO2: copy!
KUTO1: location?
KUTO2: sa bulbol ni ma'am..ikaw?
KUTO1: tangina! magkatabi lng pala tayo. nand2
ko sa bigote ni sir!!!

TEACHER: Anong mangyayari pag puputulin ang 1
mong tenga?
BOY: hihina po pandinig ko.
TEACHER: e kung dalawang tenga?
BOY: lalabo po paningin ko!
TEACHER: baket naman?
BOY: malalaglag po salamin ko.

Dalawang cra ulo....
CRA1: Magaling ka na ba?
CRA2: Oo namn!!!
CRA1: Talaga?...kaya mo bng 2mawid sa ilaw ng
flashlight ko?
CRA2: Ano ko cra? e pano kung patayin mo
flashlyt mo?...e d nalaglag
pa
ko!!!

2 Patients are taking sperm count.....
(d nurse masterbates P#1 but sucksP#2)
While the nurse is doing the blow.....
P#1: Ba't blowjob sa kanya e samantalang sakin
handjob lang?
NURSE: CASH ito noh!.... sayo PHILHEALTH
lang!!!

Dalawang magkaibigan nagtetext....
PEPE: Tol! pasa load namn! 2pesos lang, my katx
lng me.
Tol: cge. w8 lng.
(message sent)
Pepe: Tnx tol! bait mo talaga!
Tol: Gago! wag ka na magtex! sayang ung pinasa
ko sayo!!!
Pepe: k.

GIRL: mag-69 tayo dear!!
BOY: pano un?
GIRL: ganito lang...
(pumuwesto na cla at biglang na utot ang girl ng 4
times)
BOY: Ayoko na!!! D KO NA KAYA UNG NATITIRA
PANG 65!!!!

SON: dady...baket umuungol c mommy kagabi?
my sakit ba cya?
DAD: wala anak... happy lng cya.
SON: ibig sabihin, gabi-gabi cyang hapi kahit
nung nasa states ka pa?

ERAP: doc, i accidentally swallowed a chicken
bone.
DOC: is it choking?
ERAP: it's max's.
DOC: i didnt mean chowking...i said, r u choking?
ERAP: no.. im serious!

YEAR 2005....
Prosti 1: sa sobrang hirap ng panahon ngaun,kahit
200 payag na ko.
Prosti 2: ako kahit 100..payag na!
Prosti 3: ako nga blowjob for free! may makain
lng!!!

isang gabi...
WIFE: di ako makatulog dahil sa lamok. mag-SEX
muna tayo!
HUSBAND: putragis! anong akala mo sa TITI
ko?....katol!!!! matulog ka
na!!!!

a man was cornered by a lion. he prayed..."Lord,
pls make dis lion a
christian".
d lion suddenly knelt down and prayed....
LION: "bless this food that i'm a bout to receive
thru Christ our
LORD,
amen."

a priest lost a bird & asked during mass...
Priest: anyone got a bird?
all men stood up.
Priest: i mean, any1 seen a bird?
all women stood up.
Priest: i meant any1 seen my bird?
...all nuns stood up

ANAK: Dad! naka-experience na ko ng blowjob!
yahoo!!!!
DAD: wow! anak!...binata ka na!!!anong feeling?
ANAK: ang sakit po sa panga!!!!

ATTY: Inday! pwede mo bng idiscribe d2 sa korte
ang taong nangrape
sayo?
INDAY: maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong at
bungal...
SUSPEK: cge!!!!...mangasar ka pa!!!!

dalawang madre nirereyp ng goons....
Madre1: diyos ko! patawarin mo po cla...d nila
alam ang kanilang
ginagawa.
Madre2: ay yung sakin marunong!!!!

After having sex, panay pa rin ang hawak ng girl
sa organ ng
lalaki....
BF: Gusto mo pa ulit?
GIRL: hindi..namimiss ko lng.......meron kc ako
nito dati e....

MRS: bilis dad! nahulog cel ko sa panty
ko!!!! ..nagba-vibrate!!!
MR: e anong gagawin ko? kukunin ko sa panty
mo?
MRS: gago!!!! kunin mo ung charger at baka
malowbat!!!!

dumating c ngongo sa bahay at tinakpan ang
eyes ni misis....
Ngongo: "nges hu?"....
MRS: gago!!!! pa-nges hu nges hu ka pa jan....e
ikaw lng ngongo d2!!!!

a wife and husband fighting....
Wife: inamo!!!
Husband: inamo rin!!!
Wife: tarantado!
Husband: tarantado ka rin!!!
Wife: gago!!!
Husband: gago ka rin!!!
Wife: SUPOT!!!!
Husband: ......un nga lng...

you're very hilarious pare, LOL!!!

a wife and husband fighting....
Wife: inamo!!!
Husband: inamo rin!!!
Wife: tarantado!
Husband: tarantado ka rin!!!
Wife: gago!!!
Husband: gago ka rin!!!
Wife: SUPOT!!!!
Husband: ......un nga lng...

Ha-ha-ha!!! Keep it coming, tol. :D

Dentist & Lover....
Dentist: we have 2 stop seeing each other... halata
na tayo ng MR mo.
Lover: but we love each other!
Dentist: oo nga...but were running out of
excuses....ISA NA LNG IPIN
MO!

Anak: nay!!! my mens na ko!
Nay: ano kulay...aber?
Anak: dark brown nay!
Nay: lintik na bata to!!!! LBM yan!!!
hala..maghugas ka na ng pwet!
ambisyosong BAKLA to!!!

Sexy: Doc!! mainit pwet ko!
Doc: lagyan natin ng thermometer
Sexy: hiya ako e.
Doc: cge, off ko ilaw...
(in-off ilaw)
Sexy: Doc!!! hindi po pwet yan ha!!!
Doc: cge lang!!! di rin ito thermometer!!!!

Erap: lintek na ibon 2!! iniputan ako!
Bodyguard: sir, kukuha ako ng toilet paper...
Erap: wag na!! pano mo pa mapupunasan un e
nakalipad na?! tanga!!!
bobo!!!

news advisory:
AT LAST!!!... anewgeneration napkin has been
made 2 "satisfy women"!!!
introducing....NEW WHISPER WITH TONGUE!!!!
.....keeps u wet..even when ur dry..

Arab interview at US immigration:
Q: ur name pls..
A: abdul aziz
Q: sex?
A: twice a wik..
Q: i mean male or female?
A: doesn't matter.... sometimes even with camel...

Patient: dok. malungkot d2 sa mental kaya
naisipan kong sulatan ang
sarili
ko...
Doc: e ano namn laman ng sulat mo?
Patient: d ko pa po alam kc next wik ko pa ata
matatangap...

Jingoy: Dad, 22o bang may side effect ang viagra?
Erap: tanga! sa harap effect nyan hindi sa side!!!!

Wife: honey... bili mo naman ako ng bra...
Husband: Hon.. wag ka ng magbra...liit namn
dede mo e..
Wife: (taas ang kilay) e baket ikaw nakabrief?!!

Convict: father...4give me 4 i have sinned...
Pari: sabihin mo lahat ng kasalanan mo anak.
Convict: father, pinatay ko lahat ng naniniwala sa
diyos.kau ba
naniniwala
sa kanya?
Pari: CNO UN?

GIRL: Hide and seek tayo. if u find me, papayag
akong makipag-sex
sayo...
BOY: e kung di kita makita?
GIRL: nasa likod lng ako ng piano...

GIRL: ang puti naman ng bird mo...
BOY: aba syempre ah!!! likas papaya ata gamit
ko jan!!!
GIRL: ginagamitan mo rin ba ng downy?
BOY: baket? bango ba?
GIRL: lambot e!!!

BINATA: mis, pede bang manligaw sayo?
DALAGA: at bakit?! may CRV ka ba? BMW?
PAJERO? EXPEDITION?
BINATA: tangina!!! bakit?! ano ba yang PEKPEK
mo!!!? PARKING LOT?!!!!!

Convict: father...4give me 4 i have sinned...
Pari: sabihin mo lahat ng kasalanan mo anak.
Convict: father, pinatay ko lahat ng naniniwala sa
diyos.kau ba
naniniwala
sa kanya?
.....


welcome sa pinoy lounge...gave you good karma :D

MGA KAPATID, MAY BAGO NA TAYONG STATS, just follow the link below and proceed to pages 68 & 69 ;) pakisilip na rin yung post number 674, may tumira kasi sa kin eh! :mad:

After having sex, panay pa rin ang hawak ng girl sa organ ng lalaki....
BF : Gusto mo pa ulit?
GIRL : hindi..namimiss ko lng.......meron kc ako nito dati ....

After having sex, panay pa rin ang hawak ng girl sa organ ng lalaki....
BF : Gusto mo pa ulit?
GIRL : hindi..namimiss ko lng.......meron kc ako nito dati ....

AAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! MALEEEEEEEEEEEE!

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y5/counterstriker/spermies_racing_md_wht1.gif

MGA KAPATID, MAY BAGO NA TAYONG STATS, just follow the link below and proceed to pages 68 & 69 ;) pakisilip na rin yung post number 674, may tumira kasi sa kin eh! :mad:

Good job, CP!! Daghang salamat!! :cool:

Buhay pa ba si DS, 'yung tumira sa 'yo? Parang hindi ko nakikitang nagpo-post.

After having sex, panay pa rin ang hawak ng girl
sa organ ng
lalaki....
BF: Gusto mo pa ulit?
GIRL: hindi..namimiss ko lng.......meron kc ako
nito dati e....
ok pre., natawa ako dyan...keep on posting....

After having sex, panay pa rin ang hawak ng girl sa organ ng lalaki....
BF : Gusto mo pa ulit?
GIRL : hindi..namimiss ko lng.......meron kc ako nito dati ....
nak ng putsa, mapapatay ko ang chick na yan --- chiclog pala (chick na may itlog :D )

Good job, CP!! Daghang salamat!! :cool:

Buhay pa ba si DS, 'yung tumira sa 'yo? Parang hindi ko nakikitang nagpo-post.


OO tol buhay pa, kasi nag-PM sa kin galit na galit! ha ha ha ha!

eto naman ang share ko ng SAD STORY....

Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang mga mumunti ngunit ginintuang butil na payo na natutuhan ko sa aking mga magulang noong ako ay bata pa:

1. Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako HOW TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas! Mga leche kayo, kalilinis ko lang ng bahay."

2. Natuto ako ng RELIGION kay Itay.

"Kapag yang mantsa di natanggal sa carpet, magdasal ka na!"

3.Kay Inay ako natuto ng LOGIC.

"Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi ko."

4. At kay Inay pa rin ako natuto MORE LOGIC.

"Kapag ikaw ay nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang mag-isa ang manonood ng sine."

"Tingnan mo nga yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tingnan mo!!!"

7. Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung anong ibig sabihin ng STAMINA.

"Wag kang tatayo diyan hangga't di mo nauubos lahat ng pagkain mo!"

8. At si Inay ang nagturo sa amin kung ano ang WEATHER.

"Lintek talaga kayo, ano ba itong kuwarto nyong magkapatid, parang dinaanan ng bagyo!"

9. Ganito ang paliwanag sa akin ni Inay tungkol sa CIRCLE OF LIFE:

"Malandi kang bata ka, iniluwal kita sa mundong ito, maari rin kitang alisin sa mundong ito."

10. Kay Itay ako natuto kung ano ang BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Tumigil ka nga diyan! Huwag kang mag-inarte na parang Nanay mo!"

11. Si Inay naman ang nagturo kung anong ibig sabihin ng GENETICS.

"Nagmana ka ngang talaga sa ama mong walanghiya!"

12. Si Inay naman ang nagpaliwanag sa amin kung anong ibig sabihin ng ENVY.

"Maraming mga batang ulila sa magulang, di ba kayo nagpapasalamat at mayroon kayong magulang na tulad namin?"

13. Si Itay naman ang nagturo sa akin ng ANTICIPATION.

"Sige kang bata ka, hintayin mong makarating tayo sa bahay!"

14. At si Itay pa rin ang nagturo kay Kuya kung anong ibig sabihin ng RECEIVING.

"Uupakan kita pagdating natin sa bahay!"

15. Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang HUMOR.

"Kapag naputol yang mga paa mo ng pinaglalaruan mong lawnmower, wag na wag kang tatakbo sa akin at lulumpuhin kita!"

16. At ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat, natutunan ko kina Inay at Itay kung ano ang JUSTICE.

"Isang araw magkakaroon ka rin ng anak, tiyak magiging katulad mo at magiging sakit din sa ulo!"

eto pa...

Let me tell you WHY I fired my Secretary:

Two weeks ago was my 31st birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that
morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me. She didn't evensay "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you, the children will remember."The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to leave for the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, "Good morning, sir. Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon.

Then, Janet knocked on my door and said "You know, it's such a beautiful
day outside and it's your birthday. Let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."

We went to lunch.

We didn't go where we normally go; we went out to the country to a
little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not."

She said, "Let's go to my apartment." After arriving at her apartment she said, "Sir, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And there I sat...on the couch...completely naked.

eto pa...

Let me tell you WHY I fired my Secretary:

Two weeks ago was my 31st birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that
morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me. She didn't evensay "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you, the children will remember."The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to leave for the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, "Good morning, sir. Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon.

Then, Janet knocked on my door and said "You know, it's such a beautiful
day outside and it's your birthday. Let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."

We went to lunch.

We didn't go where we normally go; we went out to the country to a
little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not."

She said, "Let's go to my apartment." After arriving at her apartment she said, "Sir, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And there I sat...on the couch...completely naked.
poor guy... he thought he's gonna get laid... :p

nak ng putsa, mapapatay ko ang chick na yan --- chiclog pala (chick na may itlog :D )
babaeng may lawet...kaya pala

While taking a bath, Erap called Loi...
Erap: Wala bang shampoo?
Loi: Maraming shampoo dyan!
Erap: Eh puro for dry hair 'to, basa na buhok ko!


Erap: Lintek na ibon, iniputan ako!
Bodyguard: Sir kukuha ako ng toilet paper!
Erap: Wag na! Paano mo pa mapupunasan ang pwet noon, nakalipad na! Tanga!

While taking a bath, Erap called Loi...
Erap: Wala bang shampoo?
Loi: Maraming shampoo dyan!
Erap: Eh puro for dry hair 'to, basa na buhok ko!


Erap: Lintek na ibon, iniputan ako!
Bodyguard: Sir kukuha ako ng toilet paper!
Erap: Wag na! Paano mo pa mapupunasan ang pwet noon, nakalipad na! Tanga!
HAHAHA!!! TANGA TALAGA!!!

While taking a bath, Erap called Loi...
Erap: Wala bang shampoo?
Loi: Maraming shampoo dyan!
Erap: Eh puro for dry hair 'to, basa na buhok ko!


Erap: Lintek na ibon, iniputan ako!
Bodyguard: Sir kukuha ako ng toilet paper!
Erap: Wag na! Paano mo pa mapupunasan ang pwet noon, nakalipad na! Tanga!
tsk tsk tsk .... :D

from FHM

Tint Cons Horny Dude

I was really bummed that day when my girlfriend told me that she couldn't have a motel date with me because she was busy with a class project.

So, after class, I went outside for a smoke before heading home. My face suddenly lit up when I saw my girlfriend's car coming my way. I knew she would come.

Since the car was cruising slowly, I decided to throw myself on the hood then kiss the windshield, mouthing the words "Let's have sex." I spread my arms and hugged the car.

The car came into a complete stop. The driver's-side door flew open and it wasn't my girl. Worse-it was her mother! The word spread like fire of course, and soon I became the butt of all jokes. http://www.fhm.com.ph/girls/truestories/images/tint_cons.jpg


- Marco, by email

http://www.joked.com/content/2005/Jan2005/30/joked-dot-com-uncut-penis-bot-penisbot.jpg

Mga pare ko, maiba naman ako. Hindi 'to joke, pero tamang-tama ito sa title ng thread, "A Sad Story". Hindi ko malaman kung dapat bang kaawaan o dapat bang sapukin ang pulis na 'to! Read on at kayo ang humatol! :confused:

Mindanao Times 5-4-05
Cop charged for eating bomb sniffing dog

A pollice officer was indicted to two criminal cases for allegedly stealing, killing and eating a P50, 000 worth pure bred Labrador, a bomb sniffing dog of the Special Anti-Terrorists Unit (SATU) last year.

SPO2 Remberto Orencia, assigned at the police regional office (PRO) 11 in Camp Catitipan, Buhangin, Davao City was charged for violating R.A. 8485 (Animal Welfare Act of 1998) and theft by the City Prosecution Office (CPO).

In her investigation, prosecutor Mariam Mastura Mamukid found probable cause Orencia stole, killed and ate Kobe, a dog owned by Goldie Delvo, wife of Major Alden Delvo around noontime of October 29, 2004.

In her complaint, Goldie, a resident of Mutual Homes, Buhangin said last October 28, 2004 she and her family went to Cebu to attend the All Souls and Saints Day and returned on November 10.
Goldie said upon their arrival, her househelp told her that Kobe, her family’s dog, was missing.

The complainant said when she went to investigate, she discovered that Orencia stole, killed and eventually ate her dog around noontime of October 29 that same year.

She said her neighbor told her that Orencia bashed the dog’s head with wood and slashed its neck with a knife, cooked and ate it.

She said what the policeman did was a shock to her family since the dog was amiable and was trained by the SATU for sniffing bombs.

The complainant said the explanation of Orencia that he killed the dog in connection with the standing order of the PRO head to capture stray animals is unacceptable since what the policeman did was a pure violation of the animal’s rights.

Further, Goldie said her children cried for days with the loss of Kobe since the dog was their pet and considered part of the family.

Ang masaklap pa nito, hindi pag-aari ng police force ang Labrador. Ipinagagamit lang ito dahil trained sa bomb-sniffing! Talaga naman!!!!! :rolleyes:

Mga pare ko, maiba naman ako. Hindi 'to joke, pero tamang-tama ito sa title ng thread, "A Sad Story". Hindi ko malaman kung dapat bang kaawaan o dapat bang sapukin ang pulis na 'to! Read on at kayo ang humatol! :confused:

Mindanao Times 5-4-05
Cop charged for eating bomb sniffing dog

A pollice officer was indicted to two criminal cases for allegedly stealing, killing and eating a P50, 000 worth pure bred Labrador, a bomb sniffing dog of the Special Anti-Terrorists Unit (SATU) last year.

SPO2 Remberto Orencia, assigned at the police regional office (PRO) 11 in Camp Catitipan, Buhangin, Davao City was charged for violating R.A. 8485 (Animal Welfare Act of 1998) and theft by the City Prosecution Office (CPO).

In her investigation, prosecutor Mariam Mastura Mamukid found probable cause Orencia stole, killed and ate Kobe, a dog owned by Goldie Delvo, wife of Major Alden Delvo around noontime of October 29, 2004.

In her complaint, Goldie, a resident of Mutual Homes, Buhangin said last October 28, 2004 she and her family went to Cebu to attend the All Souls and Saints Day and returned on November 10.
Goldie said upon their arrival, her househelp told her that Kobe, her family’s dog, was missing.

The complainant said when she went to investigate, she discovered that Orencia stole, killed and eventually ate her dog around noontime of October 29 that same year.

She said her neighbor told her that Orencia bashed the dog’s head with wood and slashed its neck with a knife, cooked and ate it.

She said what the policeman did was a shock to her family since the dog was amiable and was trained by the SATU for sniffing bombs.

The complainant said the explanation of Orencia that he killed the dog in connection with the standing order of the PRO head to capture stray animals is unacceptable since what the policeman did was a pure violation of the animal’s rights.

Further, Goldie said her children cried for days with the loss of Kobe since the dog was their pet and considered part of the family.

Ang masaklap pa nito, hindi pag-aari ng police force ang Labrador. Ipinagagamit lang ito dahil trained sa bomb-sniffing! Talaga naman!!!!! :rolleyes:
what a loser :mad:

Tatlong kolehiyala sa loob ng jeep?
> >> Katrina: Bakit amoy malansa?
> >> Karen: Oo nga! Parang amoy sperm!
> >> Gina: (violent reaction) Ang aarte naman ninyo! Para dumighay lang ako, eh!
> >> > >> Mga lasa ng gatas ng babae?
> >> 1. Dalagita? fresh milk
> >> 2. Dalaga? pasteurized
> >> 3. Bagong kasal? skimmed
> >> 4. Matagal nang kasal? yogurt
> >> 5. Matandang dalaga? taho
> >> 6. Lola? tokwa
> >> > >> > >> Limang klase ng egg preservation?
> >> Maalat-alat: salted egg iyan.
> >> Maitim: century egg.
> >> Mabuhok: balut iyan.
> >> Mabaho: bugok iyan.
> >> Malibag: bah! bayag ! na yan!
> >> > >> T: Ano sa English ang Maswerte akong lalaki?
> >> S: Lucky me with Egg?
> >> T: Eh yung matronang barat?
> >> S: Payless Instant Mommy!
> >> > >> Sa hardin ng Paraiso? > >&

A Filipino parked his brand-new BMW in front of his office building, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he got out, a truck passed by way too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The Filipino immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed the police, and within minutes, a policeman pulled up. Before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the Filipino started screaming hysterically as some of his office colleagues reached the scene too.

His BMW, which he had just picked up the day before, was totally ruined and beyond repair. When the Filipino finally calmed down from his ranting and raving, the policeman shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you Filipino people are," he said.” You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

Excuse me officer, but we Filipinos are not as MATERIALISTIC as you thought we are!!! "How can you say such a thing?” asked the Filipino.

The policeman replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"Oh My God! Oh My God!!" screamed the Filipino. "Where's my ROLEX?"

Dalawang magkaibigan nagtetext....
PEPE: Tol! pasa load namn! 2pesos lang, my katx
lng me.
Tol: cge. w8 lng.
(message sent)
Pepe: Tnx tol! bait mo talaga!
Tol: Gago! wag ka na magtex! sayang ung pinasa
ko sayo!!!
Pepe: k.

hehehe, lol! nagyari na ito, true to life. hehehe.

(poor guy)
a man died due to viagra overdosed........they couldn't close the coffin.

wife was so horny she puts viagra in his husbands coffee. the husband feel a suddenly went horny and f@ck@d her wife. his wife shouted "can't you wait?wag naman dito sa McDo!"

wife was so horny she puts viagra in his husbands coffee. the husband feel a suddenly went horny and f@ck@d her wife. his wife shouted "can't you wait?wag naman dito sa McDo!"
ITLOG

Isang umaga , bago magmisa si Padre Lucio, nilagay niya sa supot ang mga binili niyang mga itlog para sa donasyon niya sa mga mahihirap. Ngunit sa kanyang pagmamadali, nakalimutan niya ang supot sa isang mesa at ng kanyang binalikan ay wala na ito.

Kaya sa kanyang sermon ay nagtanong siya..."Meron ba sa inyong may
itlog?" Lahat ng lalaki sa simbahan ay nagtayuan...

"Hindi! Hindi! Ang ibig kong sabihin, may nakakita ba ng itlog?" Lahat
ng babae sa simbahan ay nagtayuan...

"Hindi! Hindi! Ang ibig kong sabihin, may nakakita ba ng itlog ko?"
Lahat ng madre sa simbahan ay nagtayuan.
:D

A SAD STORY


A
little
boy
was
so
jealous
of
his
new born
brother
so he put
poison
on the nipple of
his mother.
The next day…
their family driver
died.
Isn’t it sad ??? hehe :D

how the hell did he get poison on that tit without the mom noticing??

how the hell did he get poison on that tit without the mom noticing??


LOL!!! u got me? or u didnt get the joke..LOL!!!LMAO!! :D

how the hell did he get poison on that tit without the mom noticing??
:eek: pretty good observation!!!:D

how the hell did he get poison on that tit without the mom noticing??
HOW deep is your Funney bone????

Its supposed to be a JOKE not an IQ test hehehehehehehehe