13 new viruses to watch out for.


1. The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for
viruses
of mass destruction.

2. The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and
causes
little purple hearts to appear on screen.

3. The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory.

4. The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to just keep counting and
re-counting.

5. The Bob Dole Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

6. The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then
e-mails everyone about what it did.

7. The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but
will
be back.

8. The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes.

9. The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB,
then
slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB.

10. The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted.

11. The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor
doesn't care.

12. The Michael Jackson Virus - Only attacks minor files.

13. The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch
floppy ... then discards it through Windows

I heard #3 spams you with all kinds of **** also.

Somthing to look out for also.


Dear (IT) Technical Support:

I am desperate for some help.
I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that
the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a
lot
of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product
brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialization where it monitors all other
system
activity.
Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Golf 5.3 no longer run
and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Saturday
SOCCER 6.3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I
cannot
seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of
my favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend
7.0
but uninstall doesn't work on this program.
Can you please help.

Joe

--------------------------------



Dear Joe,



This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding.
Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0
is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Whereas Wife 1.0 is
an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its creator to run everything.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to
Girlfriend 7.0 as Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this and it is
impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the
system once installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have
ended up with even more problems. (See in manual under alimony/Child
Support and Solicitors Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed myself I recommend you keep it installed and
deal with the difficulties as best you can. When any faults or problems
occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C: \I
APOLOGIZE
program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-key. It may be necessary
to run C:\ I APOLOGIZE a number of times but hopefully
eventually the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0 although a very high maintenance program can be very
rewarding.
To get the most out of it consider buying additional software such as
Flowers 2.0 and Chocolates 5.0.
Do not under any circumstances install Secretary (Short Skirt version)
as this is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and the system will
almost certainly crash.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

nice!!!

i liked the tyson one

all class...pure class.

the tyson one was top i agree...

michael wacko one was my fav. sick but so fitting :cool: