don't take this the wrong way Nancy cause we're friends and all but why do you consistently attack the authorities? granted nobody's perfect and every group has it's **** ups but i just don't understand why your hostility is alwasy directed towards cops, principles, teachers and other groups who's sole profession is to protect our families.

maybe i'm not picking up the whole story. or maybe it's cause i was raised differently. when i was a teenager and **** hit the fan i was always told that it was usually cause i was being a lil knucklehead. and i learned that you don't be a knucklehead otherwise your parents (and most importantly, LIFE) will beat your ****in ass. looking back on it, i don't disagree with it at all.

so i've seen your side of these stories yet bringing knives to school and having violent outlashes over ****in flag waving classifies as a decent amount of knuckleheadizm. not saying it's all your kids fault but it's certainly not all the fault of these 3rd party others. combine that with the fact that you seem to always feel guilty for putting the inhouse hammer down and i'd have to say that i think your pretty biased in drawing these conclusions.

we all joke around by telling you just to start kicking ass but, all joking aside, as a friend i'm gonna give my honest and sincere imput. i just don't think that siding with your kids throughout the majority of conflicts, while pointing hostility towards 3rd parties is healthy for them. me, personally- if it were me, what that would teach me over time would be to always feel that i'm not soley responsible for the outcomes of my life.....which is bull****. and i've met the MAD crew and love em all to death. i think they're all 3 great, smart, and beatiful kids but my opinion still stands.

who knows, maybe you really do put them in check and express these feelings on the boards just to get frustrations out. but if you seriously think that most of the fault lies in government systems (which have been faulty since day 1; hence DMV, IRS, etc) then i must say that it's a pretty faulty outlook on all these issues that you seem to be having. and i still disagree on our much discussed debate that sheer ****ing ass kicking does not resolve outright disrespectful attitudes that cause people to bite the hands that feed them. if you feel guilty about it then maybe danny sees through your weakness and maybe that's why your attempts don't work. IMO, drop the guilt and drop the bombs. children cannot be treated, nor respected, like adults until they act like respectful adults. age doesn't dictate their choice to do that. as parents you give them the benefit of the doubt by putting the ball in their court but you can still dribble it out.



now if you'll excuse me, i'm gonna go heat a frozen pizza.

whoever the dip**** was that moved this to SE, try reading the content before transferring it over. obviously i felt that it belonged in OT seeing as that it had to do with feedback of others besides 2 people.

http://maddox.xmission.com/beat.html

Seriously, kicking the **** out of someone always teaches a lesson. We have wars for a reason, because talking doesn't work.

The one-two shut-the-hell-up - This is priceless when you're shopping and your kid won't shut the hell up: "I'm hungry, I want toys, I need my Insulin..." etc. First smack your kid (the 5 across the eyes technique works). Wait a few seconds for your kid to start crying, then smack your kid again to let him know that you mean business. This usually shuts them up because they see that the amount of crying is proportional to the amount of beatings.

Hell I'm come do it if you want. I still have some pent up anger from being elbowed in the mouth by a drunk I was trying to drag out of the club I work at on saturday despite the fact that he got a few boots to the chest for his trouble once we got him outside.

Of course this is an MMA website and the majority of my generation still got beatings as a kid....of course we turned out alot better then kids do these days. I see a direct correlation. Beatings work, use them.

"A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice."
---- Edgar Watson Howe
"Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is."
---- German Proverb

if you really feel that this is a dip**** topic then feedback or even a PM could maybe do you some justice. but don't try bending rules to for your own personal reasons. use your ****in head.

I wonder if this could have been handled differently instead of making a public spectacle of her shortcomings? Because this matter was handled by making a thread dedicated to slamming her on the ground, I’d be surprised if she comes back any time soon. It’s not like we’re trying to get more people to post here and keep the ones we already have.. oh wait, we are.. my bad.

u swear this is gonna make her leave, she can handle this. so SHUT IT FOOL

We all have a heart Kimee, whether we like it or not.

I almost left when someone called me a ******... It hurt my feelings.

and we are all friends here, im sure she isnt gonna take it to the heart a throw a fit.

I wonder if this could have been handled differently instead of making a public spectacle of her shortcomings? Because this matter was handled by making a thread dedicated to slamming her on the ground, I’d be surprised if she comes back any time soon. It’s not like we’re trying to get more people to post here and keep the ones we already have.. oh wait, we are.. my bad.

i don't see how you could have interpretted all that into me slamming her to the ground by making a public spectacle of her shortcomings. did you not read the first sentence of the thread? you know how direct i am and this is probably the 1st time i've ever critisized somebody on here while going out of the way to point out that i'm NOT trying to be a dick but just giving feedback from one friend to another.

So There!

I'm still here and I know where Tony is coming from. I can see his point of view. But he did sum it up in one paragraph.

I come here to vent at times. You only hear my side of the story. I grant you all that. I also slam the cops here because they ****ing deserve it when they DON'T do their job. I've NEVER ever slammed a police force verbally before. I've NEVER seen such a sloppy job done on things that have happened. The only times that they have been helpful is when I've taken Danny in for slashing Jim's jeep tire or when he accused me of child abuse. Yes, that's right. The mom who doesn't believe in beating her kid has been accused of child abuse not once, but three times by the same kid. I have slapped my son, spanked him and hauled off and hit the living crap outta him. And I hate myself for it. WHY? Because I grew up abused. I've been beaten for small offenses. Yes, I can say they were small. I was there and I was more mature at age 11-18 than most kids. I've had the belt wrapped around me from my knees to my ribs. I've had my face beaten into the floor. I've been hit with a pipe wrench. My mother stood there and watched my brother do half this crap to me. My bro hits my grandmother and blames me...typical abuser. Blames the abused. I do not want to turn into that person. I do not want to abuse my rights as a mother to discipline him when he needs it. I HAVE found other ways that work. They take longer, but they work. Hitting him doesn't help. He's not your typical kid. Did you miss the thread about him being neuropsych tested? His brain does not work like yours or mine. Some things work at some times and others don't. He had a brain injury. That SPECT imaging link that I posted in Mouse's "I'm Sane" thread is what I would love to have done for Danny, but it's $3-5 grand and that isn't pocket change for me. For now, we work on behavioral changes and supplements that work great. 5HTP and other amino acids help his brain function somewhat normally on a day to day basis.

I still get frustrated and lose my patience with him. His father works the swing shift and therefore doesn't see Danny but on the weekends. It makes my job harder and I get TIRED. Therefore I vent on here. If I told you everything in one post, ya'll would have died from boredom. I'm surprised I haven't killed ya'll yet with it. Lately, I've been blessed with actually having a REAL relationship with my son. Before, it was always me disciplining him or making sure he's staying on task with hw or chores. It's hard to do it all by yourself. The biggest thing now is convincing other family members that not everything is Danny's fault is something goes wrong. Old habits die hard. I still listen to his side, even I know he's lieing to me or others. I allow him to say what's up. If he's lieing, I usually get it out of him.

I haven't slammed the prinicpals at the high school. They have been nothing but helpful in both kids situations. They supported Ashely when she was getting harassed and threatened. For the record, the other girls did start the crap and Ashley tried to ignore it. She has the school backing her up on that. It didn't work and she got fed up with it and made her mistakes too, but really, how much should a 16 year old kid put up with? You wouldn't have put up with it for half as long as she did, but she hates confrontations. Now that it's over (we hope) she can move forward.


They have been very helpful with Danny and keeping him in line by letting him know there are consequences for his actions but they are there for him to talk to when he can't control his temper (frustration for him leads to anger and the frustration comes from the inability to use excutive functioning in the brain) He doesnt' learn like other kids and therefore QUALIFIED for help thru the school district. He has the RIGHT to an education which he WASN'T getting before until we fought with a lawyer on our side. What a difference that makes. Since when should it be that damn hard to get your kid what is rightfully his? An opportunity to an education. The school failed to do their job as teachers and now we all have some bad habits to help Danny overcome. For the record, he is doing better ever since the school started helping out more. I was actually planning a thread on this subject after I got his grades in. The end of the semester was just last week.

If children cannot learn the way we teach, then we must teach the way children can learn.


I don't think the fault lies within the system so much as I believe it lies in the fact that the officials don't use the system wisely. They spend where they shouldn't and cater to the smart kids here. Just ask any teacher or counsler. I've had support, but not back up because no one wants to lose their job. I can't really blame them and I thank the ones who have pointed me in the right direction. I was even praised for getting an atty. because they knew that is what it would take for me to win for my son.

I've usually gone along with the flow of things and tried to see things from the other side. But when it comes to getting my son thru school, I've had NO help from the administration. I've been LIED to about my son, about the help available to my son and that ****ING pisses me off!!!!!!! If it were your kid, you'd be pissed too. I'm not looking on their side anymore. If I want Danny to succeed, I can't. I now tell them what I want from them and I get it. NO MORE NICE MOM. The funny thing is, they've all seen Danny improve. No one knows what works for Danny better than I do. I've done it all and have figured out what works. The funny part is, it all works, but only in the right combination. He's like a virus who mutates and you've got to keep changing the cure to win.

Remind me the next time I come up there to bring his neuropsych report for you to read and a history of how he used to be. He's making baby steps, but they're forward steps. And I did it my way. :-) I do believe that he's going to make it. We've had some setbacks, but nonetheless, he's doing better.


As for you slamming me for my shortcomings, I didn't take it too much to heart. Just only as a mother would. I'm not perfect, far from it. But **** does happen to my family and if someone else is wrong, then I will speak out. Last week when the officer called Ashley in and told her how wrong she was for making a TERRORIST threat, we went and spoke to the officer before losing our cool. There was a misunderstanding and it was resolved. I still disagreed with his tactic because he jumped in with both feet and didn't question anyone. So he was blindly scaring the kids to which it worked until we took her back to discuss it. He also admitted that he goofed once he heard the WHOLE story.

If my kids are wrong, then they are punished for it. Just ask them. With Ashley, I don't need to usually tell her when she's wrong, she's sharp enough and takes care of things on her own. I used to worry about her, but after watching her handle herself with the police officer last week, I worry a whole lot less now. :-)

Okay all, if you've read thru this whole thing and you haven't died of boredom yet, more power to you.

Any more questions Tony? I can take it.

you go girl

you go girl


Thanks Kim. :-)

no prob, **** u like to type alot lol

no prob, **** u like to type alot lol


LMAO!!! Just responding in FULL to Tony. Didn't want to miss anything, but reading it over, I did. No worries, unless asked, I won't do it again. My fingers are cold and my arm is sore from all the typing. :-)

hahahhaha **** we need **** to read here, i sure in the hell aint gonna type nothing interesting so you do it, hahahaha

iread it all and understand where you are coming from. I had a feeling that the majority of your posts were vents from frustrations anyway.Many of us post things here and leave out the boring details just to see what the general consensus is on how we react or should react to certain situations, or at least I do. I feel you on your posts about your son, i have no kids but was quite the problem child growing up, and I saw what kind of effect it had on my parents. They just kind of let me make my own decisions and when I really ****ed up, whooped my ass, and I turned out pretty good. So although I can realte to your situation, I'm seeing it from the other side, so I usually can't comment on it.

iread it all and understand where you are coming from. I had a feeling that the majority of your posts were vents from frustrations anyway.Many of us post things here and leave out the boring details just to see what the general consensus is on how we react or should react to certain situations, or at least I do. I feel you on your posts about your son, i have no kids but was quite the problem child growing up, and I saw what kind of effect it had on my parents. They just kind of let me make my own decisions and when I really ****ed up, whooped my ass, and I turned out pretty good. So although I can realte to your situation, I'm seeing it from the other side, so I usually can't comment on it.


IT isn't easy being a parent. You always want to side with your kid, but at the same time teach him a lesson. Danny isn't an easy one to teach a lesson to with the brain injury he's had. If I feel he's right, I back him up and if he's wrong, I don't, but I'm there for him. It's a tightrope balancing act. And in all honesty, I don't have to work, but I'm still close to being a single parent, at least during the week. I have my own frustrations with that.

The frustrations I post on here, I try my hardest not to put onto him. He's a 15 year old kid with the mentality of a 10-13 year old at times. Like I said, he's improving, but slowly.

One of the terms of his probabation is that he has to serve 40 hours of community service. I have not done anything for him in that regard other than remind him. I told him he has until the end of Feb. or I'm calling his p.o. I won't remind him again. It is one of the toughest things I've ever attempted to do. And it's only the first....27 days to go. LOL This is where I've taken your guys' advice to let him fall flat on his face. No excuses.

what brain injury?

what brain injury?


When Danny was four, he thought he was superman. Needless to say, he wasn't. He hit his face on a bookcase and punctured a hole in his nose, and hit the side of his head as well. It took YEARS for the correct diagnosis, but he traumatized his frontal lobe and left temporal lobe. He also pinched a nerve in his spine.

I noticed an IMMEDIATELY personality change. With that and the enurisis (bedwetting from the spinal injury) the docs just patted me on the back and said he'll outgrow it. He didn't. After two and half years, I found a chiropractor who adjusted him. After three weeks, he had his first dry night in years. I cried and he was estatic. He still suffers, but only occassionaly. The brain injury has always been there and his teachers focused on him being slow, lazy etc. He's become that way because not much was ever expected of him. Now that they have been teaching him differently, he's improved. His IQ was tested at 102, average. He's capable intellectually, he just has trouble going down the same road everyone else does.

I tell him it's not an excuse for him to give up. He has to work twice as hard as anyone else, but he CAN do it. He's starting to believe. He's starting to succeed.

The day he brings home nothing lower than a C, we party. He's capable, he just has to work harder. We're working on the bad habits that the teachers let him get away with for so long.

This last semester has no F's. That is a first.

See....another chapter....lol

OH MY GOD!!!! i would have had a heart attack

there's a very big post back there that i can't get to right now. i'll be back later tonight.

As for those girls who harasses Ashley? Today, during a mediation meeting held, both girls admitted that they are really mad at the person who made the decision versus being mad at her. They both openly admitted in front of school administration that she was just the scapegoat. They both blamed each other for some of the crap pulled, including harassing me. LOL..some friends they are for each other.

All over being on the flag team. Or in the this girl's case, not being on it.

Ashes is glad it's all over....so am I.

Any more questions Tony? I can take it.

nope. well said :)

:)

i had every intention of reading MCM's reply, cause i've been thinkin that same **** as tony BUT when i saw it i was like "i just got outta bed there is NO WAY i'm reading that"

Reading that much stuff just seems like homework...

You read his tirade on me, you should at least read my reply.

Didn't read any of it... I never read posts over 5-6 lines. I work looking at numbers all day, I can't stand reading off my screen for that long.

Didn't read any of it... I never read posts over 5-6 lines. I work looking at numbers all day, I can't stand reading off my screen for that long.


Then I guess you're off the hook. ;-)

Didn't read any of it... I never read posts over 5-6 lines. I work looking at numbers all day, I can't stand reading off my screen for that long.

dumb llama

I have read your posts, brain injury or not, there is **** your kid has done that I would never let fly as a parent. Hate to sound judgemental but when you put your personal life up in public for inspection, you gotta be prepared for a few. Hell, your kids' actions are why I would never want my kids to be in a public school.

I've been around kids with disabilities to varying degrees most of my life. Ranging from mild intellectual disabilities, autism, cerebral palsy, sociopathic tendencies, you name it. I've lived with and dated those that cared for these people too.

The one constant amoungst ALL of them is that they are made to understand what is acceptable and what isn't - irrespective of their level of disability (assuming their carer's have a clue). They may not stop the undersired behaviour it, but they are damn well told it and given time they WILL KNOW it.

Your constant fence sitting, brain injury defense and failure to hardline your son is inexcusible. When I stepped out of line, my parents punished me - they even let me choose if I got a whack or got grounded for a period. My I err'ed in school I got detention. I eventually learned. I'm sick and tired of parents who are afraid of a hardass attitude for fear it will give their kid a complex or some ****ing lame excuse. It was good enough for several thousand years of parenting,I think it's good enough for this generation too.

God knows that I know you try Madcrewmom - and I truly do read that. But you need to be a little more ruthless. Who knows, maybe a few years at ROTC will straighten the little tyke out?

If I ever have kids I am going to beat the **** out of them......hahaha I'll never have kids. No woman could ever stand me because I'd be threatening every guy she ever talked to.

I have read your posts, brain injury or not, there is **** your kid has done that I would never let fly as a parent. Hate to sound judgemental but when you put your personal life up in public for inspection, you gotta be prepared for a few. Hell, your kids' actions are why I would never want my kids to be in a public school.

I've been around kids with disabilities to varying degrees most of my life. Ranging from mild intellectual disabilities, autism, cerebral palsy, sociopathic tendencies, you name it. I've lived with and dated those that cared for these people too.

The one constant amoungst ALL of them is that they are made to understand what is acceptable and what isn't - irrespective of their level of disability (assuming their carer's have a clue). They may not stop the undersired behaviour it, but they are damn well told it and given time they WILL KNOW it.

Your constant fence sitting, brain injury defense and failure to hardline your son is inexcusible. When I stepped out of line, my parents punished me - they even let me choose if I got a whack or got grounded for a period. My I err'ed in school I got detention. I eventually learned. I'm sick and tired of parents who are afraid of a hardass attitude for fear it will give their kid a complex or some ****ing lame excuse. It was good enough for several thousand years of parenting,I think it's good enough for this generation too.

God knows that I know you try Madcrewmom - and I truly do read that. But you need to be a little more ruthless. Who knows, maybe a few years at ROTC will straighten the little tyke out?


Danny has been punished for his actions. I just don't believe in BEATING him. It DOESN'T work.

Keep this in mind, I have three kids. I have two GREAT kids. So it isn't my parenting skills, is it? Dan is a challenge in more ways than one. I have tried different ways of dealing with him and no ONE way works ALL the time. I have to keep changing how I punish, scold, teach, him. I am also TRYING to have a real RELATIONSHIP with my son. BEATING him for every transgression is not the way to do that.

I don't have a problem with any of you speaking your minds on this subject, but if you think I'm really that bad of a parent, then YOU try raising this kid. In case you didn't get part of the picture earlier, I'm damn near doing this by myself. Jim works the swing shift and sees Danny only on the weekends or holidays from school.

The brain injury is NOT a defense, it's an explaination as to why he doesn't learn like other kids. Since his diagnosis, everyone involved with his education has changed the way they teach him, punish him. etc. It's made a HUGE difference. In fact, today, his RSP teacher called to tell me what a little **** he was the last two days. She put into practice what I told her to do and it worked. She wanted to just "give him an F" and "let him come to summer school". With Dan, if he pushes you away, you have to push back....because he sure as hell won't do it on his own. Most of his behavioral problems come from what the school has let him get away with moreso than me "not punishing him". I take a hardline with him, just not in the way most of you have suggested.

I have a board called the Attitude Adjuster. I use it when pushed to the limits. I have fast hands and he usually doesn't see them coming, but he's getting better at blocking. He's still scared of me.

Please keep in mind that I am TIRED of constantly disciplining my son. You have no idea how TIRED. I can honestly tell you that I've gone as long as two months where I had to come down on him every day for one thing or another. What you have suggested DOESN"T WORK. What I do, in the right combinations, does. I have the proof. My son is doing better. He hasn't gotten into trouble once this year at school other than not doing his hw in the beginning. In his science class, after I talked to the teacher and said "do this, it will help" and the teacher did, he noticed a HUGE difference with Dan's attitude and his hw and classwork grades came up SIGNIFICANTLY.

So what I've been telling them to do, works. It really does.

If you want to understand something, then ask me. Don't blast me. You've got to understand, I've done all that you've suggested before and it didn't work. Just ask Dan sometime. He'll tell you I hit hard. Why do you think he wanted to report me for child abuse. I just played it smarter than him and took him to the police station so he could.

Not all kids understand being beaten. And I am not afraid of giving my kid a complex, he already has one. I'm trying to change that.

ROTC is out. They weren't disciplined and the MasterSgt. didn't really want him there. That was made fairly clear to me. He's going to join the swim team and his coach is a friend and strict in the pool. It won't be easy for him. Which is just how I'm going to like it. :-)

We all have a heart Kimee, whether we like it or not.I bet Kimmee has a smokin body and cute face; half black/half asian! Big nipples too. I like big nipples.

I'm right aren't I? You can admit it; I am. Right?

No offense. I mean, it's a compliment. If you'd like you can speculate on the gargantuan-ness of my e-****, Kimmee. Go ahead. Tell everyone how gigantic it probably is.


I won't mind. I'm cool like that.

Most of his behavioral problems come from what the school has let him get away with moreso than me "not punishing him".


it's a public school. they deal with the public. there are 1,000s of kids. you can't expect them to cater to him like a private tutor. teaching is one of the most difficult, underpaid, and underappreciated positions out there. the root of his problem is NOT the school, neither is it you. it's his own decisions. he may not think straight but neither do millions of people on this planet either.

if you think the school institutions create a less-than-perfect environment, try a PRISON system. and, sure, there's plenty of people in prisons that let their environment dictate their ****ty behaviors while institutionalized. but there's also plenty of people who serve their time and get on with it. staying true to good values regardless of your environment is the best traight that any person can have.

Puggilist, did u smoke to much crack today?

it's a public school. they deal with the public. there are 1,000s of kids. you can't expect them to cater to him like a private tutor. teaching is one of the most difficult, underpaid, and underappreciated positions out there. the root of his problem is NOT the school, neither is it you. it's his own decisions. he may not think straight but neither do millions of people on this planet either.

if you think the school institutions create a less-than-perfect environment, try a PRISON system. and, sure, there's plenty of people in prisons that let their environment dictate their ****ty behaviors while institutionalized. but there's also plenty of people who serve their time and get on with it. staying true to good values regardless of your environment is the best traight that any person can have.


www.wrightslaw.com

This is a website that indicates what every student's rights are. I have NEVER asked for much, just a little extra effort to get him on the right path. Not everything has to do with his choices. Go back five years when he started struggling with his lessons.....the teachers wouldn't help, they labeled. One teacher in particular belittled him and other students in the class in front of other kids. That teacher told me and Jim that he HATED women and that was his problem. He only hated her. (This boys LOVES women.....just ask him while he's surrounded by girls at school....apparently my son is popular with girls.) It turned him off on school and we had a hard time getting him back to where he liked going again. Now that he's getting something out of it, he likes going. Science is his favorite class and he only has a D in it.


I know all of this is hard for you to understand because you don't have kids, you don't live with Danny, you don't really know what it's like. I treated him as if he were just like my daughters and it didn't work. Doing what I've done and pushing until I got him the help he needed has paid off. He's benefiting from it. He's showing improvement, he's moving forward.

So me demanding what I have has paid off. Keep this in mind. I HELP the teachers. At our first meeting, I told the teachers that I understand that they have a large number of students, but I don't care about them, I only care about one, my son. I've cared about how overworked they are etc at the cost of my son's education for four years. I sat at that table and said to them "Tell me what I can do to help you, help my son" They told me and I have complied, I have gone to the school. I have emailed them. I grill Danny until he shows responsibility and then give him trust as he's earned it and taken it away as he has blown it. I've even gone to his classes (much to his embarassment) and helped him in class. We've hired tutors at our expense, we've looked into Sylvan, Huntington Learning Centers, we've done it all. Couldn't afford some of it, went broke paying for others. I only asked for a little help four years ago. If they had helped him then, he most likely would not be where he is now. It's called nipping in the bud.

IF CHILDREN CANNOT LEARN THE WAY WE TEACH, WE MUST TEACH THE WAY CHILDREN CAN LEARN.

I hope that none of you ever go thru what we've been thru. I wish it never had to happen to anyone. It happened to us and we've struggled thru it and can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm all the stronger for it, and so Danny will be too.

You da man, gurl! Head high, shoulders squared, feet planted ... to the finish. Don't let the bastards grind you down; you're a helluva woman to look out for your son as you do!

Lesser women couldn't cope with what you've faced.

You da man, gurl! Head high, shoulders squared, feet planted ... to the finish. Don't let the bastards grind you down; you're a helluva woman to look out for your son as you do!

Lesser women couldn't cope with what you've faced.


Thanks PG....sometimes I have felt like giving up...but real mom's dont' give up. ;-)

Thanks PG....sometimes I have felt like giving up...but real mom's CAN'T' give up. ;-)It's not in your make-up; doesn't compute. My youngest brother is moveing to Seattle on Sunday. My mom is reacting like he's moving to HELL!

Bout the same distance to her. She just seems broken hearted, poor girl.