I have read his posts. It seems like the man with the wicked powerful pimp hand has now gone soft.

What happened? Why? Where? When?

finding the lord made him soft.

Mouse used too be a fighter believe it or not, a good one too, but then he gave that up for drugs, then he got into some S&M Bondage ****, then some kind of artsy ****, now he has found his lord, and trying to make the world a better place. Will he stick with this? Will he find a new trend? Only time will tell......

just like Jesus did to Rampage he did to Mouse only on a whole nother extreme lvl.

you ever notice with mouse he never does anything 1/2 way he always goes the extra mile in everything. religiousness, artsy****, drugs, etc...

... Will he find a new trend?...


:notworthy Kaps has found the point...

Yes, I do indeed have an interesting life story. :)

This is actually a serious thread. I am curious to know what happened. Mouse, you don't have to tell obviously but I would like to know.

The best mouse was, as Curly put it, willing to gouge your eyes out then cuddle after.

Unless you want me to write a three-page post answering your question, you're going to have to be more specific. I'm sure the majority of people here do not want me to go off into a long-post rant answering your question. (=

**** other people. My thread, I'm asking the questions. :)

If they don't like it, then they can always leave. It would beg the question why they entered a thread addressed to you in the first place.

If you meant to talk to him personally you could of pmed him. Since it is directed towards one person shall we kick it too the Special Ed forum?

“I have read his posts. It seems like the man with the wicked powerful pimp hand has now gone soft. What happened? Why? Where? When?”

Deacon Frost:

First of all, it’s interesting to me that you even show an interest in my life-shift when I believe that this thread is one of the only times that I’ve even talked to you. Nonetheless, you asked; so I’ll try and figure out how to sum this up into an answer of some sort.

Since you’ve come this far to realize that I’ve changed, I’m sure you know the type of person that I used to be. I trained endlessly all day; my life was fighting, women, drugs, alcohol, and representing my team. I tasted power and glory in the cage every time my opponents’ blood splattered over my flesh that constantly screamed for more. I was pleasured by my women every time I called them over; then of course they had to leave because I had to train or drink with my homeboys. Sherdog still has my stats completely wrong; just to clear something up: I was and remain undefeated.

Okay, back to topic. I had it all, man. I honestly believe that if I stayed in that I could have made it to the UFC; so basically I could have made it my profession. Now I’m not speaking for other people who can fight others and be okay with it inside at the end of the day, I’m speaking about me so I’ll tell you what it was like for me every night. I’d train or fight every evening just about… hitting, tearing, pulling, and ripping people apart. Obviously a man has to put himself in a very dark place to fight the way that I fought; a place that is very contrary to my real personality which is very caring, quiet, subdued, and loving, (believe it or not). During the day I wore the mask of a killer, and at night I would take it off and try to get to sleep. I never did really get to sleep naturally so that’s where the whiskey came in and the pills in order to numb and dilute the flashbacks and my nerves from fights that day or in the later past.

I tried to have a real love life with a few girls; but the only girls who like violence are the kind of girls that I could never be happy with since I’m not the type of person that truly loves violence.. I prefer passion and romance over violence and fighting any day. So naturally most of the girls that I dated were really messed up girls.. girls that were messed up because I was messed up.. I lived two lives in one, and had two personalities, one of which I tried to hush but eventually proved more powerful, hence I speak today from it.

To make a long story short, there was a constant screaming inside of my head.. a screaming between the part of me that hated what I was doing to people, and another that was addicted to the glory and the lifestyle. I broke down. Drugs stopped working to kill the psychological pain, alcohol started to only make me more violent, I lost my love for all the sluts I called my girls because I got them too easy.. and also they were sluts.. lol, there can never be a solid romance and love life within the heart of a messed up violence loving slut.. they were only helping to drag me down. So I turned to pain to numb the screaming.. to momentarily take my mind off of the battle that was waged in my head and to transform it into something that I could feel, see, and taste.

About that time I got into s and m; I dated a dominatrix chick and started working as a stage performer at a bondage club in Hollywood. I got in the scene pretty heavy, of course. Then the pain started losing its effect. I could burn and make my skin sizzle and bubble as it melted off of my ribs and there would be nothing.. just the familiar screaming in my head. Cutting, burning, getting the skin on my back whipped off, getting caned, beat.. all lost its effect and pleasure.

Then I tried to commit suicide; I failed miserably since my mom came home at the last minute because she forgot her purse. Everything happens for a reason right? So to make a long story short, I realized that I needed to give my life to serving God since he pulled me out of that pit and saved me from something that horrid even while I was so blatantly evil. And don’t give me any of this pompous, “Well, evil is relative” crap; I was evil, and it almost took me over as evil usually does to a man.

Now I’m able to see a poor man’s face as I walk up to him on the street to tell him that I care about him, and that God loves him too. I’m able to help little kids grow up in a positive church ministry. Now that I’ve overcome all that crap, I’m able to witness to college students who feel like life is meaningless or have suicidal thoughts- now I can let them know that they’re not alone and that I’ve been down that road too and overcome it. My life is good now.. I don’t have the glory in the cage, I don’t have the slutty women hanging on me, I don’t have the alcohol constantly pumping through my veins, I’m not into sexual perversion or violence. Why? Because I don’t need any of that anymore. For me, helping others, serving God, and being as much like Christ as I can, finally fills the void that I was searching for in my past but never found up until recently.

I know it sounds corny and a bit redundant… but it’s redundant and basic for a reason. A life that is centered around the pursuit of holiness is a life that is more fulfilling than any other life that this world has to offer. All of the pleasures I had and wrapped myself into, always faded, thus I always needed another fix, another fight, another girl.. because like everything else in this world, it always dies and fades away. Now I live for something that never dies or fades away.. the feeling of helping others, the passion of leading a life of holiness and gaining wisdom of things that matter the most in this short life. Finally,.. finally for once in my life, I’m able to feel emotion and love for others. And for that feeling, nothing that this world has to offer can possibly compare. So now, for love and for God I live; not for the world or anything that is of it.

I have changed, obviously. But the way I see it is, now I can finally live a life that’s worth living.

Thanks dude. I appreciate the honesty. I feel like my life is going the reverse to yours from the sound of your posts. It was like a very wierd dichotomy. I used to be such a nice guy and now I reflect on where I am headed I wonder what is going on sometimes. Sometimes I wish I could stop but I just enjoy the ride far too much.

http://sa.nextwish.org/Animated/MarioDaisyBODYSLAM.gif

Hahahahahaa....

If you want to change, you will.

If you want to change, you will.

That's what I figure. As with all things, in their own time.

Mouse, in all honesty your words have touched me, its not easy leaving bad habits behind, taking the wrong path is way to easy.

Jarrod, dont stay on that ride too long, you are not going to like what you see when it stops.

As far as me... I have changed plenty, not for the good, or the bad...I am just drowned in apathy and I can't seem to snap out of it

That's what I figure. As with all things, in their own time.

There is no, "...in their own time." The future doesn't create itself man, people are the ones that make the decisions to create the future. People say, "well, if it's meant to happen then it will." That's crap. The bottom line is, if it's "meant" to happen, then you'll take the initiative to make the decision to make it change. The future is what you create it; and if you don't take any steps to manipulate it, then you have no room to ***** about it... kind of like people who don't vote, yet complain about who won the presidency.. their complaints hold no foundation since they didn't even vote. The same goes with your future.

You can't ***** about where you end up in the future if in the past you did nothing to stop yourself from ending up there. There is no, "in their own time" because "their" time is in reality your time. Your decision, your future, your will. So it rests; if you want to change, then you will. If you say that you want to change and yet take no steps to change, you can't complain.

Let me put it to you another way -

I am working on making changes. Some of them rather large sweeping ones. However, they will take time to implement and some changes require others to precede them. Ergo it will be a long and protracted process and will not happen overnight.

I understand what you are saying, and I am not saying that to cop out of my responsibilities. What I am trying to say is that it will all come together in due course.

Mouse, in all honesty your words have touched me, its not easy leaving bad habits behind, taking the wrong path is way to easy.

Jarrod, dont stay on that ride too long, you are not going to like what you see when it stops.

As far as me... I have changed plenty, not for the good, or the bad...I am just drowned in apathy and I can't seem to snap out of itSounds bad.

I agree with Deacon...when you are working on something, it is in due time. A phrase my sil always uses is "it's in God's time, not yours" and I believe that. Though sometimes it's hard to wait for those changes to take affect.

I am stunned by the road you've traveled mouse....it sounds like it was rather rough. I hope you have smoother roads in your future.

“I have read his posts. It seems like the man with the wicked powerful pimp hand has now gone soft. What happened? Why? Where? When?”

Deacon Frost:

First of all, it’s interesting to me that you even show an interest in my life-shift when I believe that this thread is one of the only times that I’ve even talked to you. Nonetheless, you asked; so I’ll try and figure out how to sum this up into an answer of some sort.

Since you’ve come this far to realize that I’ve changed, I’m sure you know the type of person that I used to be. I trained endlessly all day; my life was fighting, women, drugs, alcohol, and representing my team. I tasted power and glory in the cage every time my opponents’ blood splattered over my flesh that constantly screamed for more. I was pleasured by my women every time I called them over; then of course they had to leave because I had to train or drink with my homeboys. Sherdog still has my stats completely wrong; just to clear something up: I was and remain undefeated.

Okay, back to topic. I had it all, man. I honestly believe that if I stayed in that I could have made it to the UFC; so basically I could have made it my profession. Now I’m not speaking for other people who can fight others and be okay with it inside at the end of the day, I’m speaking about me so I’ll tell you what it was like for me every night. I’d train or fight every evening just about… hitting, tearing, pulling, and ripping people apart. Obviously a man has to put himself in a very dark place to fight the way that I fought; a place that is very contrary to my real personality which is very caring, quiet, subdued, and loving, (believe it or not). During the day I wore the mask of a killer, and at night I would take it off and try to get to sleep. I never did really get to sleep naturally so that’s where the whiskey came in and the pills in order to numb and dilute the flashbacks and my nerves from fights that day or in the later past.

I tried to have a real love life with a few girls; but the only girls who like violence are the kind of girls that I could never be happy with since I’m not the type of person that truly loves violence.. I prefer passion and romance over violence and fighting any day. So naturally most of the girls that I dated were really messed up girls.. girls that were messed up because I was messed up.. I lived two lives in one, and had two personalities, one of which I tried to hush but eventually proved more powerful, hence I speak today from it.

To make a long story short, there was a constant screaming inside of my head.. a screaming between the part of me that hated what I was doing to people, and another that was addicted to the glory and the lifestyle. I broke down. Drugs stopped working to kill the psychological pain, alcohol started to only make me more violent, I lost my love for all the sluts I called my girls because I got them too easy.. and also they were sluts.. lol, there can never be a solid romance and love life within the heart of a messed up violence loving slut.. they were only helping to drag me down. So I turned to pain to numb the screaming.. to momentarily take my mind off of the battle that was waged in my head and to transform it into something that I could feel, see, and taste.

About that time I got into s and m; I dated a dominatrix chick and started working as a stage performer at a bondage club in Hollywood. I got in the scene pretty heavy, of course. Then the pain started losing its effect. I could burn and make my skin sizzle and bubble as it melted off of my ribs and there would be nothing.. just the familiar screaming in my head. Cutting, burning, getting the skin on my back whipped off, getting caned, beat.. all lost its effect and pleasure.

Then I tried to commit suicide; I failed miserably since my mom came home at the last minute because she forgot her purse. Everything happens for a reason right? So to make a long story short, I realized that I needed to give my life to serving God since he pulled me out of that pit and saved me from something that horrid even while I was so blatantly evil. And don’t give me any of this pompous, “Well, evil is relative” crap; I was evil, and it almost took me over as evil usually does to a man.

Now I’m able to see a poor man’s face as I walk up to him on the street to tell him that I care about him, and that God loves him too. I’m able to help little kids grow up in a positive church ministry. Now that I’ve overcome all that crap, I’m able to witness to college students who feel like life is meaningless or have suicidal thoughts- now I can let them know that they’re not alone and that I’ve been down that road too and overcome it. My life is good now.. I don’t have the glory in the cage, I don’t have the slutty women hanging on me, I don’t have the alcohol constantly pumping through my veins, I’m not into sexual perversion or violence. Why? Because I don’t need any of that anymore. For me, helping others, serving God, and being as much like Christ as I can, finally fills the void that I was searching for in my past but never found up until recently.

I know it sounds corny and a bit redundant… but it’s redundant and basic for a reason. A life that is centered around the pursuit of holiness is a life that is more fulfilling than any other life that this world has to offer. All of the pleasures I had and wrapped myself into, always faded, thus I always needed another fix, another fight, another girl.. because like everything else in this world, it always dies and fades away. Now I live for something that never dies or fades away.. the feeling of helping others, the passion of leading a life of holiness and gaining wisdom of things that matter the most in this short life. Finally,.. finally for once in my life, I’m able to feel emotion and love for others. And for that feeling, nothing that this world has to offer can possibly compare. So now, for love and for God I live; not for the world or anything that is of it.

I have changed, obviously. But the way I see it is, now I can finally live a life that’s worth living.Work.

am stunned by the road you've traveled mouse....it sounds like it was rather rough. I hope you have smoother roads in your future.

I have mixed feelings... on one hand I want to retire and move up into the woods and chill, lol.. on the other hand, going through all that crap sure taught me a lot about life. So I guess, the harder the times are, the more you learn afterward from it. In which case I'm looking forward to future hard times, knowing how much that those hard times will teach me and help form me into the man that I want to be later on. Blah.