View Full Version : Cesaros Autobiography


Stain
04-07-2004, 04:34 PM
Bullshido: Age: 19
Education: High School and no sign of college
Occupation: None and nothing lined up
Girlfriend: Not in years and no chance for the future
Physical Condition: Torn meniscus. Overweight. Chronic bronchitis.
Mental Condition: It could be better. I give up on things easily and
my mind is slipping.
Physical Activities: Training postponed due to torn meniscus. I sucked
at what I did anyway.
Friends: They used to be around but the number is narrowing down
quickly.
Goals: None
Accomplishments: None
Hobbies: MMA
What do I want to do with my life? Your guess is as good as mine.
College? Not Likely
Best Qualities: Self Depreciating Humor
Worst Qualities: Lazy, Unmotivated, Ugly, Overweight, Pessimistic,
Talents: Crying, Complaining

What is my day to day life like? Wake up around 1:00pm when my mom
brings home lunch. I sit at my computer until around 6:00pm until my
friend gets off work. We usually take a 20-30 minute trip to
Lincolnton to go train if we aren't laying out for whatever reason we
convince ourselves is true. During training I have no work ethic and
tap out during rolling due to things such as bad positioning or a
temporary sharp pain. I make no attempt at getting a job, the only one
I did was pushed by mother and I showed up 15 minutes late with "bed
head" and old clothes on, unshowered and unshaven. Around 10:00pm my
other friend leaves his girlfriend's house and meets us after we get
out of training where we sometimes drive up to and possibly over an
hour to a 24/7 semi-fastfood restaurant called "Steak n' Shake". We
usually get back to the house about 3:00am. We purchased a 1000 wat
spotlight at Wal-Mart that has become our latest fascination in
lighting people up in their cars or out on their lawns or porches. On
October 30 of 2003 we were arrested for paintballing houses and people
so we have stooped down to burning people up with a $25 spotlight.

History: I moved to North Carolina from Virginia as a child with my
parents. I was semi-athletic as a child and was social who showed
promise of becoming a good person while getting along with other
children, pulling straight A's in school and doing well in Physical
Education and even contemplated joining the PeeWee Football league.
Around 8 years of age my parents invested in what then was relatively
unknown technology, the personal computer. Sure, I liked it, it was
kind of cool, played some games of Family Feud, Wheel of Fortune and
some others. The next year we upgraded and even got some games
likeDoom, Wolfenstein, Quarantine. I would never be the same.

In sixth grade I got my own computer in my room with an America Online
disk in the mail that called my name. Mom, we have to get it!
Did we have to get it? Probably not, but it would be fun and nice to
have.
Did we get it? Sure, we got it.
Did it ruin my life? Yes.

My first screenname on AOL, Psycho294. What was my most life altering
moment on AOL? Watching a guy scroll a vulgar chatroom graphic of an
extended middle finger with a program called Fate.
"How did you do that"
-With a proggie
"What?"
-A program called Fate
"How do I get it?"
-I'll send it to you

My academic scores dropped significantly. My social life ceased to
exist. My life took a turn for the worse. I was an AOL-Hacker.

Could I have been successful if it wasn't for that one guy, that one
chatroom I just happened to be in?
- Maybe. I'm not the smartest guy to ever live but with a little
hardwork and some effort I'm sure I could be in a university right now.


I spent from sixth grade until graduation piddling around on AOL
wasting away at my life. I didn't even have out of school friends
until high school because of it. I spent three middle school years
rushing home every day to sign online and hit the chatrooms. Even when
I made it to high school I was still concerned more with AOL than
friends. I was so obsessed with the computer I was like a year late
taking driver's education to get my license.

Did anything useful come from my years on AOL?
- I can type fast. I'm fairly computer savvy. I made some cash
spamming, illegally.

Worst things from years spent on AOL?
- I'm borderline socially retarded. At one point I was probably 70
pounds overweight. My grades were poor. I never even took the SAT.
I'm a failure with anything I attempt ranging from women to brazilian
jiu-jitsu to getting a job.

Will the things I learned on AOL benefit me in life?
- Nope. I'll probably never have a job involving direct work with
computers.

My message to anyone who read this?
- If you're younger than I am, do well in school and spend time with
your friends. Learn to be social instead of becoming some basketcase
that hates his life. Get a girlfriend and go out and do things. Don't
be a caged up pathetic loser sitting in your room playing games and
wasting your life away in chatrooms. You will undoubtedly regret it.

If you're older than I am: I don't really have anything to tell you
because I'm not a wiseman, I'm a fool. If you ever lose your job or
something, don't resort to becoming a computer addicted slob. You'll
never get a job and you'll never be the same again.

If you didn't learn a lesson from this, hopefully you got a good laugh
out of it.

Prince
04-07-2004, 04:36 PM
HAHAHA

I IDDINT KNOW I SENT THAT TO YOU

Stain
04-07-2004, 04:36 PM
YEA THAT **** OWNS

Prince
04-07-2004, 04:39 PM
THAT IS LOSER.TXT ON MY DESKTOP

Bluecifer
04-07-2004, 04:41 PM
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!!! CESARO SHOULD RIGHT A BOOK!!! THAT RULED!!!

Prince
04-07-2004, 04:42 PM
HOCKEYFIGHTER TOLD ME I SHOUDL ADD MORE DETAILS INTO IT BECAUSE IT DOESN'T GET INDEPTH WITH HOW PATHETIC I REALLY AM.

Bluecifer
04-07-2004, 04:46 PM
It sounded good to me, but I'm sure more details would be entertaining. You should write a manifesto like the unibomber, only instead of living in shack, you'd be writing from your room.

Prince
04-07-2004, 04:47 PM
LOL

SOMEBODY IN MY HOUSE JUST FARTED AND I HEARD IT

Bella
04-07-2004, 04:51 PM
I was walking down the stairs from class the other day, and this big, black man that's in my class ripped a big one at the bottom of the last flight of stairs. He then proceeded to turn around to see if anyone heard, and there I was.

Prince
04-07-2004, 04:52 PM
HAHA THAT'S GREAT

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT LOSER.TXT IF YOU READ IT?

GhosT^x0
04-07-2004, 04:53 PM
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

GhosT^x0
04-07-2004, 04:54 PM
Originally posted by Bella
I was walking down the stairs from class the other day, and this big, black man that's in my class ripped a big one at the bottom of the last flight of stairs. He then proceeded to turn around to see if anyone heard, and there I was.

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh holy ****, I thought I laughed before. I could totally envision you in the wind tunnel, Bella.

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha

lololol

Bella
04-07-2004, 04:56 PM
Originally posted by GhosT^x0
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh holy ****, I thought I laughed before. I could totally envision you in the wind tunnel, Bella.

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha

lololol

It's all I could do to not choke when walking through the hall.

Bluecifer
04-07-2004, 05:00 PM
One time I went to the zoo with some friends(3 girls) and on the way there I fell asleep. I must have been dreaming I was home alone because I ripped one so loud that it woke me up. Anyway, luckily when we got to the zoo we went to see the Lion exhibit, while there he turned his back to the girls and I backed up knowing what was coming because there was a warning sign that the girls ignored. I LMAO when the huge torrent of lion piss got them in the face.

Wushu
04-07-2004, 05:16 PM
Deep, very deep

handjobs4dollars
04-07-2004, 06:23 PM
Why don't you have a job?

Prince
04-07-2004, 06:24 PM
my mom put in an application for me to lift boxes somewhere but i showed up 10-13 minutes late for my first interview.

i've never had a job, probably won't have one for awhile.

The Ensanity
04-07-2004, 06:35 PM
Originally posted by Bella
I was walking down the stairs from class the other day, and this big, black man that's in my class ripped a big one at the bottom of the last flight of stairs. He then proceeded to turn around to see if anyone heard, and there I was. I told you not to tell anyone

Mr. Beelzebub
04-07-2004, 08:05 PM
CESARO RULES

Fallout
04-07-2004, 08:17 PM
Cesaro sucks so much, he is cool

Prince
04-07-2004, 08:21 PM
is it possile to be a cool loser?

Fallout
04-07-2004, 08:34 PM
Originally posted by Cesaro
is it possile to be a cool loser?

If it wasn't, Jason Biggs wouldn't of had a movie career

Mr. Beelzebub
04-07-2004, 08:53 PM
You're Homer Simpson Cool

Fallout
04-07-2004, 09:16 PM
No, because Cesaro isn't stupid. He is just very very lazy. Cesaro is "The Dude" kind of cool.

I vote Cesaro most likely to have his rug peed on

VulgarTheClown
04-07-2004, 09:25 PM
man i dunno how any of you find this funny at all. I read it and felt emotionally distraught. I was much like Cesaro until a couple years ago.

Curly Howard
04-07-2004, 10:50 PM
I am taking the computer out of the kid's room.

seldomTap
04-08-2004, 12:54 AM
I have a tear in my eye...it is like a car crash survivor giving an anti drink driving speech

Fallout
04-08-2004, 12:56 AM
Originally posted by Curly Howard
I am taking the computer out of the kid's room.

No way I will ever put the computer in my kids room. I want to be able to watch who they are talking too and what they are looking at. I know for a fact there are perverts out there.

They post here

Prince
04-08-2004, 01:12 AM
Originally posted by Curly Howard
I am taking the computer out of the kid's room.

get it out now

only bad things will come from this

Fallout
04-08-2004, 01:16 AM
Originally posted by Cesaro
get it out now

only bad things will come from this

I told you they post here

Prince
04-08-2004, 01:21 AM
yes, i'ma pervert

HockeyFighter
04-08-2004, 01:23 AM
Originally posted by Cesaro
get it out now

only bad things will come from this

Yeah it's nothing but trouble. Look at me now. Three years ago I had a life when I didn't have a computer in my room. Now I resort to hitting on old sluts in yahoo chats. However I did talk to this cool chick from Lethbridge. I think I am taking her out sometime before I leave for home.

Prince
04-08-2004, 01:32 AM
i resort to hitting on old sluts in chats

and middle aged gay men pretending ot be young sluts

seldomTap
04-08-2004, 04:03 AM
Old sluts rock in chats...

has anyone ever gone into a chat and pretended to be a **** hungry chick?? Is funny to see how many duders try to IM you straight away and then how pissed they get when you talk dirty to them, only to eventually say "BTW dude, I am a guy and you ahve been whacking off over a guy talking dirty to you"????







Nah, me either

Stain
04-08-2004, 10:20 AM
hahahahahhahah seldom that was funny as ****. i just pray that you really dont do that

Prince
04-08-2004, 12:05 PM
i have names like swtjenn200485 and invite and accept people to view my cam expecting to see a skank when all they see is a fat guy's penis

Fallout
04-08-2004, 12:07 PM
Originally posted by Cesaro
i have names like swtjenn200485 and invite and accept people to view my cam expecting to see a skank when all they see is a fat guy's penis

That was you?

Prince
04-08-2004, 12:07 PM
probably