I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
> >asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
> >turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't
> >say a word... he knew better.
> >
> > I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
was
> >unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several
> >minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
at
> >the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at
him
> >and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
> >
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> > My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
> >variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy
> >behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
> >looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy
> >grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister
has
> >never let me forget.
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> >
> > While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release
> >some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
> >after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told
> >her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
> >To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
> >threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
I
> >saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening
> >after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
> >doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
with
> >my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me
> >were screams of laughter.
> >
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> > Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
> >three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on
> >him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
> >between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying
> >my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
> >seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny
had
> >not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and
he
> >said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and
I
> >don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you
> >didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have
> >had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked
one
> >more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up,
> >yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE
> >MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their
> >tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple
> >made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
> >
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> > This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very
> >embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before
> >she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a
true
> >story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed
to
> >have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
> >where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have
to
> >leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

:- |

that last one is awesome =P