What is with honesty?

Someone asks you a question, you tell them the answer, they get upset.
E.g. (and this is purely hypothetical)

Your girlfriend asks "Does this dress make my bum look big?"
You say yes, you get grilled.

Someone tries to conduct themself in an honest manner and they get bitten in the ass for it.

This is rooted.

You see in a perfect world, if someone asks for the truth, then they should be able to deal with it.

However we do not live in a perfect world. So lies become prevalent.

Why? Because it's easier. It's easier to tell your girlfriend "No you look damn fine." than it is to say "Yes it does." and be truthful.

A lie becomes easy because it depends on two things:
1) the other person being unable to deal with the truth
(e.g. girlfriend knowing she has a fat ass and not wanting to hear it but yet asking anyway)
2) the consequences of telling the truth because of the other person's inability to deal with it. (e.g. girlfriend flipping out and yelling at you coz you told her she has a fat ass).

As you can see, 2) hinges on 1).

This means that in order to stop lying, we first have to be honest with ourselves and our willingness to be open to the truth. We also have to be willing to tell the truth, regardless of the consequences.

Can this be done?

Yes, but it begins with ourselves and how we conduct ourselves.

- J.

here's a thought......who gives a ****!!!!!!!!!!!!

Originally posted by Damien
here's a thought......who gives a ****!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me guess... another attempt at owning someone?

- J.

SHUT UP *****!!

I like dragons

Originally posted by HockeyFighter
I like dragons






then go **** one

Originally posted by Damien
then go **** one

SHUT UP *****!

Originally posted by kaps
SHUT UP *****!!

Im good.....

Jake I feel you on this
I am truthful man myself and I want people to tell me the truth and I give the truth to peole all the time
Me bieng this way is terrible for my relationships. Well I gues I must find someone who can handle my honesty.

Originally posted by Christopher Chaos
Jake I feel you on this
I am truthful man myself and I want people to tell me the truth and I give the truth to peole all the time
Me bieng this way is terrible for my relationships. Well I gues I must find someone who can handle my honesty.

I hear ya bro.

This is just something I have been thinking about my entire life and this is the conclusion I've reached.

It's not that we have to lie because nobody wants to hear the truth, we just have to be more receptive to it.

- J.

I didnt read it, I was busy telling the other guy to shut up *****....

Originally posted by kaps
I didnt read it, I was busy telling the other guy to shut up *****....

That's ok, he deserves it.

- J.

Originally posted by kaps
SHUT UP *****!!

looks like Kaps has started a new trend

My threads are lost on the mental peons of this board.

- J.

Originally posted by The Jake
I hear ya bro.

This is just something I have been thinking about my entire life and this is the conclusion I've reached.

It's not that we have to lie because nobody wants to hear the truth, we just have to be more receptive to it.

- J.

It comes down to being very tactful and artistic on how you answer questions like that. I can tell you I used to be the girl that would ask the question like that and hated hearing the truth, but would get mad if I didn't get the truth. Hubby just came out and said, don't ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies. I learned. Now I get the truth...haha....I don't ask anymore either.

In my case I get asked questions with my kids and I've taken on the same creedo as hubby.....ask me no questions.......one of my daughters asked me how her singing voice was....in the beginning I said "great!" then I later told the truth, gently of course, and her voice improved because she knew the truth. She didn't like it at first, I won't lie about that.....but she now knows that she will get the truth from me, and I get it from her in return. It's a tough game guys, women are so *****y. Sorry. :-( When you find one that accepts life and what you say at face value, grab her and treat her good.

Sometimes there is no delicacy in telling the truth because there is no nice way of putting it.

How do you tell someone in a nice way they're overweight or their singing voice sucks?

You can't.

So the key isn't in how you sugar coat the truth, it lies in the person's ability to deal with it (which is largely a case of maturity).

- J.

You don't always get bitten in the ass for being honest.

If I asked someone if what I was wearing made my ass look big and they were honest and said yes, I wouldn't hound them about it. I'd be happy that they could be that honest and ballsy with me. Of course, nothing makes MY ass look fat, so....
;)

Anyways, I always hate it when people take kindness for weakness. That chaps my ass. I hate people. I really do.

Originally posted by Bella
If I asked someone if what I was wearing made my ass look big and they were honest and said yes, I wouldn't hound them about it. I'd be happy that they could be that honest and ballsy with me. Of course, nothing makes MY ass look fat, so...

Liar.

- J.

Originally posted by Bella
I'd be happy that they could be that honest and ballsy with me.

Even note the words used here - "ballsy".

They have to be BALLSY to tell a woman that because they know she's gonna crack a ****fit upon anyone telling a girl her ass is fat. :)

That's my point though.

- J.

Did you not read what I posted?

I said I wouldn't roust him or anyone about it. If I ask, I want an honest answer, and that's that.

But then again, I don't ask lame questions like those anyway. ;)

Originally posted by The Jake
Sometimes there is no delicacy in telling the truth because there is no nice way of putting it.

How do you tell someone in a nice way they're overweight or their singing voice sucks?

You can't.

So the key isn't in how you sugar coat the truth, it lies in the person's ability to deal with it (which is largely a case of maturity).

- J.

Very true....last time I asked hubby a question like that and I got the truth.....it is also the last time I ask one like that....if you don't want to hear the truth, don't ask the question.

Originally posted by madcrewmom
Very true....last time I asked hubby a question like that and I got the truth.....it is also the last time I ask one like that....if you don't want to hear the truth, don't ask the question.

That's it.

You either open yourself up to the possibility that the truth will hurt and accept the responsibility to act maturely with that knowledge.

OR

you accept the fact you CAN'T handle the truth and don't ask. :)

- J.

Originally posted by Bella
Did you not read what I posted?

I said I wouldn't roust him or anyone about it. If I ask, I want an honest answer, and that's that.

I was just reading into the words you wrote. I got the impression from the way you phrased it there was a deeper meaning :)

- J.

PS: It's prolly smart you don't ask a guy silly quesitons like that.
PPS: You're still a liar.

not with me i understand you :)
and agree with you. the other side to lying is we have built a society around material wealth, vanity and false needs. therefore when someone asks if they look good in something its mearly the way they were indoctrinated into society. And hence lying is somehow a learned behavior that we let happen through our own false needs.

Originally posted by The Jake
I was just reading into the words you wrote. I got the impression from the way you phrased it there was a deeper meaning :)

- J.

PS: It's prolly smart you don't ask a guy silly quesitons like that.
PPS: You're still a liar.

Refresh my memory on which part I'm lying about.
If you say my ass never looking fat, I'm buying a plane ticket to Cali, so I can whoop your ass.

If I say it will you come here to kick my ass? I'd enjoy that.

I'll meet you half way.

No deal Mcfly.

Originally posted by Bella
Refresh my memory on which part I'm lying about.
If you say my ass never looking fat, I'm buying a plane ticket to Cali, so I can whoop your ass.

Hehehe

You're lying about the part you'd never go off on a guy for being honest.

I've never met a woman yet who hasn't.

- J.

a word of advice never tell the truth to a woman she'll always go off no matter what it is.

Originally posted by The Jake
That's it.

You either open yourself up to the possibility that the truth will hurt and accept the responsibility to act maturely with that knowledge.

OR

you accept the fact you CAN'T handle the truth and don't ask. :)

- J.

With me, it's both. It just depends on my mood. I am the moody sort.:)

the truth should always be told,
i think the questions we ask are stupid....
like do i look good in this dress... well who ****ing cares??? are you looking for me to stroke your insecure areas so you feel better?
are you looking to look good for me or for yourself or for someone else?
stop worrying what everyone else thinks so much and those dumb questions that can be answered honestly that cause pain will be avoided.

vanity is so gay and people are sooo insecure sometimes, and they dont need to be cause in reality most people are not even paying attention to you.

get over yourself and your vanity and your want for so much attention

Originally posted by The Jake
Hehehe

You're lying about the part you'd never go off on a guy for being honest.

I've never met a woman yet who hasn't.

- J.

Exactly. You've not met me yet.

Originally posted by Bella
Exactly. You've not met me yet.

You tell 'em Bella!!!:)

Originally posted by Bella
Exactly. You've not met me yet.

You're still a liar.

- J.

Originally posted by The Jake
You're still a liar.

- J.

You're a non-believer!!

Originally posted by The Jake
You're still a liar.

- J.


And you're an idiot for assuming all women are the same.

If I were God, I would try to kill me...