a joke. I'm in a bad mood.

Did you hear the bread joke?


















stale!

Originally posted by kcfman
Did you hear the bread joke?

stale!
:-!

A woman storms into a pet shop demanding her money back from the owner. “You sold me this frog and told me it would be able to satisfy all my sexual desires!”
The clerk tries to calm her down and asks, “Did you do what I told you to do?”
“Yes, dammit! I got naked, lay back on my bed, and put him between my legs just like you said, and he did nothing!” she shouts.

The owner, looking confused, replies, “It’s a perfectly trained frog. I can’t understand what’s wrong.”

He takes the woman and the frog to a back room in the shop, where he places the frog on a small table next to a bed and asks the woman to please lie down and remove her panties.

“What?” she shouts.

Turning to the frog, he says, “Now watch carefully, because this is the last time I’m showing you this!”

Originally posted by Bella
A woman storms into a pet shop demanding her money back from the owner. “You sold me this frog and told me it would be able to satisfy all my sexual desires!”
The clerk tries to calm her down and asks, “Did you do what I told you to do?”
“Yes, dammit! I got naked, lay back on my bed, and put him between my legs just like you said, and he did nothing!” she shouts.

The owner, looking confused, replies, “It’s a perfectly trained frog. I can’t understand what’s wrong.”

He takes the woman and the frog to a back room in the shop, where he places the frog on a small table next to a bed and asks the woman to please lie down and remove her panties.

“What?” she shouts.

Turning to the frog, he says, “Now watch carefully, because this is the last time I’m showing you this!” :)

Gotta love Maxim online.

are sick jokes cool? if so, czech it out


Whats the best part about boning a 5 yr old chick
















My dick looks so much bigger in her tiny hands

If the dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, which one do you let in first?


The dog, he will shut up when you let him in.....

Whats black, crispy and taps on glass?

A BABY IN A MICROWAVE!

- J.

Originally posted by The Jake
Whats black, crispy and taps on glass?

A BABY IN A MICROWAVE!

- J.

:-!

An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder,
had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison.
While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a
young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.

He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room
and his wife on the bed. He got on the bed right over
the woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck.

Suddenly he got up and left the room. As soon as
possible, the husband made his way across the room to
his bride, his chair in tow,and whispered, "Honey,
this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him
kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry.
Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants
to have sex with you, just go along with it and
pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him
or make him mad. Our lives depend on it!. Be strong
and I love you."

After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half
naked wife says:

"Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're
right, he hasn't seen a woman in years,but he wasn't
kissing my neck....He was whispering in my ear. He
said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept
the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love
you, too." ...................:devil

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a
tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.

"You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by
jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"

"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say
so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target
practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches.

But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard one say, 'Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' ... well sir.... that did it." :crazy2:

:lol2: :lol1: :lol3:

I preferred my baby joke.

- J.

hold on I got more..... LOL


*tries to make her pee pee her pants*

A lady in her late 40's went to a plastic surgeon for a face lift. The
doctor told her of a new procedure called "The Knob." This small knob is planted on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up the skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift forever. Of coarse the woman wanted "the Knob."
Fifteen years later the woman went back to the surgeon with 2 problems.

"All these years everything had been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob on lots of occasions and I've loved the results. But now , Now I have developed two annoying problems.
First of all I have got these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them " The doctor looked at her and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."

She replied, "Well, I guess that explains the goatee"

A guy boards a plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat.

He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye.

He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes, mind if I ask how you got yours?"

The first guy answers, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident.

See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with
the biggest breasts in the world was behind the counter. So, instead of saying I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh. She socked me one."

The other guy answers, "Mine was a tongue twister too ... I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties.............

But I accidentally said ... You ruined my life you ****ing *****.

A blonde suspects that her boyfriend has been cheating
on her for some time. In a fit of rage she visits a
local gun shop and buys a pistol. She then takes the
gun to her boyfriend's apartment to confront him with
her suspicions.

As she arrives, she hears amorous moans coming from
within the apartment. In a rage she bursts in and finds
her boyfriend making love to a woman on the floor in
front of her.

She reaches into her purse to retrieve the weapon and
as she does so, she is overcome with grief. In her
grief she raises the gun to her own head. The boyfriend
jumps up and begins to plead with her not to end it
all. She ****s the gun, looks him angrily in the eye
and says, "Oh shut the hell up, you're next!"

When not to Fart.

1. In a crowded elevator
2. On a crowded bus
3. In a public library
4. While on a date
5. While giving a speech
6. In church
7. In a crowded classroom
8. In your office when you're alone - someone's bound to walk in
immediately afterwards
9. In a movie theater
10. In your cubicle at work - again someone's bound to walk in to
visit
11. In a walk-in freezer - it'll linger a while
12. In an commercial airplane
13. In a ticket line
14. In your car before picking up a family member
15. during confession
16. In bed when you're feeling frisky
17. In a Cessna
18. While fighting fire in a burning building
19. In a patrol car for a minor violation


When to Fart

1. In your bosses office as you are turning to leave. Tip-Make
sure it's a silent one.
2. In a bathroom
3. In a cashier's line - it might help to speed up things
4. In an empty elevator before you get off
5. Next to an occupied changing room - it may quickly become
unoccupied.
6. In someone elses unoccupied cubicle at work
7. While parachuting
8. While scuba diving
9. In the back seat of a patrol car if you are arrested
10. During interrogation if you're the one being interrogated
11. In your car if you've been carjacked
12. In the changing room when you're sure someone else is
waiting their turn.
13. In your car once you've been pulled over. The cop may let
you go quicker.
14. During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors
15. While walking down a crowded hallway. Nobody will know
who to blame.


:noangel:

A woman gets home, runs into her house, slams the door and shouts, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery."


The husband says, "Wow! That's great! Should I pack for the ocean or should I pack for the mountains?"


She says, "I don't care. Just get the **** out!":)

I always could count on you for jokes to make me laugh!! :lol1: :lol2: :lol3: