A Week ago today my friend Oscar, whom I have known since I was 5 and still kept in touch with, passed away from Cancer, I can not even put in to words how sad I felt and how frustrated I was to know that I would not be able to see my friend for one last time. So many things went through my mind...my grandfather, my aunt, my cousins, my friends...the thought that I better get used to this situation because the chances of this happening again, of not being there, are very high.

I am very homesick, I have always been, but lately is almost physically painful. Not many people can understand why its so hard to adjust to a new country if it was you who decided to leave..fact is, that for whatever reason you are leaving, that being political reasons, crazy ex-husbands or a chance of a "better life" distance, only highlights what once was taken for granted.

I fear my grandfather dying and not being able to go back and see him, he only has 3 grandkids, me, my brother and my sister and we are all here, he only has 2 daugthers and one is here. My aunt having to deal with his re-appearing cancer all on her own.

My friend died a week ago today and all I can do is remember him, I wish I could hug his momma, his sister, I wish I could care for them and I can't ...

I'm so sorry about your friend. You say you're homesick, where are you?

I am from Venezuela, and I am in COLD Michigan

Oh I see. Well feel better please, and again I'm very sorry for your loss. My friend lost her father the other day, he died of a heart attack. :(

I'm sorry to hear that...my prayers are with her and her family. Thank you for your words...its just frustrating thats all

sorry to hear that kato hope you are ok

I am sorry to hear that Kato.

I totally sympathise.

I haven't been away from my country for very long (six months). I am also very lucky my parents are coming out for two weeks within a month from now.

Any advice from me on how to deal with homesickness would be hypocritical at this point. I think you need to look at what it is that you left home for. The people, the job, your kids, whatever it was that brough you away from Venezuela.

There is something that holds us here away from our homeland. Something of greater value. Something greater than all the things we left behind, because if there isn't, then we would have left and gone back home already.

We need to cling to the things we value. If we don't, then we lose sight of why we are here.

My only reason for being here, despite all the good things I've found here, is Shara. Without her, I have no reason to be here.

I hope this helps.

- J.

I'm so sorry for your loss Kato. I know how hard it is to adjust to another country, but to also lose a friend while you so far away is not something I have experienced. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend's family. Keep the faith that everything will be okay. God Bless

hang in there kato. you're a kick-ass girl and always have been since i've known ya. i'm sorry for your loss but know that you're strong and won't give up. you're doin fine hun :)

I am very lucky. The majority of my Moms side of the family live in the same town as me.

i can only imagine what its like to be so far away from home

It is something when you say goodbye to someone with the possibility of seeing them again. It is another to say goodbye and not knowing if you will see them in this life again. I had to say goodbye to my 83+ yr old grandmother who is in crippling pain from arthritis and osteoporosis when I left. She just wants it to end. She's lived through so much (leaving Germany in WWII, lost two husbands, one to war and one to cancer, lived to build a whole new life in Australia and see her great grandkids) and built a huge family of which she really is the centre. It is hard to imagine a life in my family without her. And I tell you what, not crying infront of her when saying goodbye was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It is a pain I would spare other people and it's **** like this that really punctuates just how hard and how painful it is to leave your home for another country.

I don't think very many people here can really know what it is you are going through. Believe me when I tell you Kato that I do. I hope Bzob and your kids are a pillar of support in these trying times for you and do everything that they can to help you.

- J.

Thank you everyone for your words...I know in time my pain will heal, but my fear of having to face the same situation will not. I have not seen my grandfather since 2000, and I have not gone back since the day I left Oct, 1998. In a way I feel as though I am in limbo, I know that if I was to move back I would be giving up on a lot of people here I can for and the scenario would be pretty much the same...my sister and mom are also here so you can pretty much say either way... its all the same.

I watched this episode of Sopranos the other day - season 4 I think it was. Furio went back to Naples for a funeral. All the time he was in Jersey he was homesick. Anyway when he went home he said he had a hardon seeing his homeland once again. But yet when he was there, walking around and seeing everyone again, it didn't feel like home anymore because there was something calling him back (it was Carmela Soprano but that's besides the point). Point is, home is where the heart is.

It's not the same when you move back. Even when I went back, as comfortable as it was I knew I had already committed myself to moving out here and in many respects it didn't feel like home.
You go back and you visit, but it's not the same as moving back there. It will never be the same as you remember it because before you left you didn't have the experience of living in America. Now that you've been there, done that, you will compare living back at home to that experience. So everything seems different when you do, and it doesn't seem as pure as you remember it.

Dunno if that makes sense but I'm just pointing out that moving back to your native country doesn't solve everything. Not saying you would either, only trying to point out that it is very different to the ideal we have in our heads.

- J.

Trust me when I say I know where you are coming from... my family moved here when I was 10 and I moved back to Venezuela when I was 18, went to college, got 2 B.A. worked, got married, work, had children, got divorced and moved back here... when I was there I never missed the states but I miss my mother and my sister more then anything... so I know exactly what you are saying...I just wish I could go back at least once a year..

Originally posted by Kato
I just wish I could go back at least once a year..

Agreed.

- J.