Cleanliness and order are not matters of instinct; they are matters of education, and like most great things, you must cultivate a taste for them.

X: Yes ma’am, but mother; do tell me this. If I be not educated in thy manners thus I inhibit a fart, shall I let it go with all the winds of fury?

Dear child, dear child!! Do not speak to your mother in that tone!! I educate you so that cleanliness and order become of you, not these words of filth!!

X: Oh dear mother, oh sweat and voluptuous entity of emotion!! Your heaving breasts and your flush cheeks tell me something of you…

No child, rubbish. Mind your manners and hush now.

X: I will not mother!! Your dildo is not of a weary place in time is it not? You have misplaced your vibrating shaft of love and replaced it with… oh… oh mother tell me you didn’t!!! Tell me you didn’t!!! With all God’s mercy tell me you didn’t!!!

Yes child, I masturbated with the same zucchini that is in your salad at this time. Now hush up, mind your manners, and eat your salad. You were born out of the same hole that that zucchini went into two hours ago.

X: Mother, may I pretend that I, your son, am the zucchini? …Ravaging through your loins as the heathen hitherto thy beast of orgasmic sensation?

Only if you’re a good boy, now eat your salad.

More.....

Go Lions!

Postmortem is a *****, ‘aint it?

*shakes head in confusion*

you are an overly creative fellow.

Barry Sanders is faster that you

**** barry the retired bastard

NO! Barry is the best

ok, ok but I'm still waiting for an accordion player....

Come on, let me touch it!!

No!!

It’s not like I haven’t seen it before, why won’t you let me touch it?

Because it’s just wrong!!

Look baby, just because I have a dick and you have a *****, doesn’t mean that you gotta get all, “PMS” on me.

No, it’s because of respect. Look, just because we’re joined at the head since birth, doesn’t automatically give you permission to play with my *****.

Well I have played with it before.

What?! No you didn’t!!

Yea, when you were asleep I took one of the pencils from off the dresser and got the damn thing half way up inside before I noticed you were getting turned on.

I got turned on in my sleep?

Yea baby, you did.

Well… you can touch it with your fingers… but I don’t want to have sex with you because what if you get me pregnant? Our kids will have a mom and dad Siamese twin. They might not even call us individual by “mom” or “dad” … what if they just call us “MomDad?”

No guy is ever going to **** you with me attached to you like this, and we’re attached for the rest of our lives.

Good point. Alright fine, but put on a condom!! The spermicidal ones!!

Cleanliness and order are not matters of instinct; they are matters of education, and like most great things, you must cultivate a taste for them.

X: Yes ma’am, but mother; do tell me this. If I be not educated in thy manners thus I inhibit a fart, shall I let it go with all the winds of fury?

Dear child, dear child!! Do not speak to your mother in that tone!! I educate you so that cleanliness and order become of you, not these words of filth!!

X: Oh dear mother, oh sweat and voluptuous entity of emotion!! Your heaving breasts and your flush cheeks tell me something of you…

No child, rubbish. Mind your manners and hush now.

X: I will not mother!! Your dildo is not of a weary place in time is it not? You have misplaced your vibrating shaft of love and replaced it with… oh… oh mother tell me you didn’t!!! Tell me you didn’t!!! With all God’s mercy tell me you didn’t!!!

Yes child, I masturbated with the same zucchini that is in your salad at this time. Now hush up, mind your manners, and eat your salad. You were born out of the same hole that that zucchini went into two hours ago.

X: Mother, may I pretend that I, your son, am the zucchini? …Ravaging through your loins as the heathen hitherto thy beast of orgasmic sensation?

Only if you’re a good boy, now eat your salad.
I was once surprised, though in a way, pleasantly, when I was in high school and found out what purpose the cucumber in this girl's refrigerator served for her mother...