Favorite stand-up comic? [Archive]

Bzob

09-19-2003, 10:44 AM

George Carlin's 7 Words You Can Never Say on TV
Well good old Carlin's routine here is pretty god damn funny, So i'm bored, I got only 3 papers to type for like friday so i'm gunna whip this baby out for ya'll. Here goes...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love words, I thank you for hearing my words, I wanna tell ya something about words that I...uh.. i think is imprtant, I love, i uh. i say they are my work, they are my play, the're my passion the're my love. Words are all we have really. We have thoughts but thougths are fluid....wuuuuuuu mmeme buwowowoowwoow (ect)....then we assign a word to a thought *clink* and we're stuck with that word for that thought. So be careful with words, i like to think yeah the same words that hurt can heal. Its uh a matter of how u pick them. you know there are some people that are not into the words There are some people that would have u not use certain words....yeah there are 400,000 words in the english language and there are 7 of em you cant say on television. What a ratio that is. 399,999 to (deep voice) seven. They must reallly beeee baaaaaaaad. They'd have to be OUTRAGIOUS to be separated from a group that large. All of you over here, that seven....BAAAAAAAHHDD WORDS. Thats what they told us they were remember thats a bad word (squeaky voice). Naaaaaahh. No bad words, bad thoughts bad itentions and WORRRRRDDDS. You know that seven, dont ya, that you cant say on television (really list like) **** piss **** cunt ****sucker mother****er and tits........Those are the heavy seven, those are the ones that'll infect your soul, curve your spine and keep the country from winning the waaarrr.....**** piss **** cunt ****sucker mother****er and tits wow. ANd TITS doesent even belong on the list......man.. thats such a friendly sounding word, it sounds like a nickname, right HEY tits comere man hey tits...hey tits, meat toots toots tits tits toots, sounds like a snack dosent it, Yes i know, it is, right. But i dont mean your sexest snack, i mean NEW nebisco tits, the new cheeze tits, korn(-)tits, nnn pizza tits n sessame tits onion tits, tater tits... Betcha cant eat just one. Thats true i usually switch off. BUt i mean that word does not belong on the list. Actualy none of them belong on the list, but you can understand why some of them are there. I'm not completly insisative to peoples feelings, i mean i can dig why some of em got on the list..like ****sucker and mother****er, those are heavy weight words, you know, Theres alot goen on there man, besides the literal transation and the emotional feeling. I mean the're just BUSY words. theres alot of syllables to contend with and those k's... those regressive sounds, they just jump out at you ****suKa MothafuKer ****suKa (accentuates k's) Its like an assult on you ya know. So i can dig that
Now we mentioned **** earlier of coarse. and 2 of the other, 4 letter anglo saxton words are piss and cunt, which go together of coarse, but forget that... little accadental humer i put in. Piss and cunt, the reason piss and cunt are on the list, is because a long time ago, certain ladies said Those are the 2 i'm not going to say. I dont mind **** and **** but p and c are OUT, p and c are OUT. which lead to stupid sentances such as Ok you ****ers, I'm going to tinkle now.

And of coarse, the word **** *haaaaaahhhhh*, the word ****, I dont really, well heres some more accadental humor, I dont really want to get into that now *haaaaaahaaaaaaaaaa* becasue i think it takes to long *haaaaaaaaaaaaa* but i do mean that. i mean i do think the word is a very important word. It's the begining of life and yet it's a word we use to hurt one another, quite often, and people much wiser than I have said i'd rather have my son watch a film with 2 people making love than 2 people trying to kill one another. And I, of coarse, can agree, its a great sentament and I wish i knew who said it first and i agree with that. But i'd like to take it a step furter, i'd like to substatute the word **** for the word kill in all those movie clishe's we grew up with..right, Ok sherif, we're gunna **** ya now....... But we gunna **** ya SLOOOOOOWWWW. (haha) so maybe next year i'll have a whole ****en wrap on that word.

There are 2 way words, those are the 7 you can never say them on tv, under any cercumstances, there are just no acceptions, you just can not say them EVER EVER EVER, not even clinicaly you cannot weave them in on the pannel with doc and ed and jonny. I mean its just impossible to forget those 7, their out. But there are some 2 way words, those double meaning words, remember the ones you giggled at in 6th grade, and the **** crowed 3 times (weasy retarted voice) Yeahhhhhhhh the **** crowed 3 times yeaaaaaaahhh its in the bible ahhhhhahahhaa. there are some 2 way words. like its ok for Kurt goudy to say Roberto paleme has 2 balls on him but he can't say i think he hurt his balls on that play tony. Hes holding them, he must have hurt them by now. and the other 2 way word that goes with that one is Prick. Its ok if it happens to your finger, yes, you can prick your finger but dooooooont finger your prick (silver :) )

THE END

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hope you liked, sounds better when you hear him speaking it. but still funny, cmon back