VulgarTheClown
07-25-2003, 11:58 AM
I have been to lots of gyms and training areas over the years and always find it funny. Why you ask? Because of all of the unspoken things that go on whilest training. Maybe you can relate to these personality types and could share some of your own stories and observations.
1-The intimidator-You know this guy. The guy who is looking so intense for a standard workout that it wouldn't suprise you in the least to see them drop dead of a heart attack. New guys won't train with them because they are really scared of what will happen. When you do train with him, it is either an illusion that they create on their own because they are pretty scared themselves, or because they brought in their personal troubles and are looking to take out their personal misery on you. Hey bro-I am not the one that banged your wife. Let go of that choke please.
2-The stinker-You know this one as well. The poor bastard could take a bath right before hitting the mats and inside of 2 minutes, he will stink all over again. I mean, come on. How bad could your diet be? Please stop doing Coke or Crank and then go rolling. I am sure that some guys just stink but damn. You never want to roll with this person. Not because they are good or bad, just because they stink and you can't concentrate on anything else.
3-The Noise maker-This one is pretty common. If you strain too hard for a particular move, and you have gas, watch out. It happens. I read where a guy actually **** himself in here but I haven't seen it yet. Farters are pretty common though. It always basically ends training for a minute or two so you can laugh it off and make sure that you actually didn't **** yourself. Also, lots of grunters. They grunt or make their own sound effects for every single damn movement. It almost sounds like watching a Women's tennis match. Huooo-Going for the takedown Arghhh-Got caught Awwwww-Missed their favorite sub ****-Got reversed.
4-The cryer-The guy or girl that gets so damn emotionally involved in training that they can't help it, they break down in tears at some point. Not very common but I have seen it a handful of times. For Christ's sake, it isn't that important to actually break down over but I guess they actually can't help it. Looks just sad to see guy in training crying.
5-The excuse guru-You all know this guy. The guy who can tell you everything and yet, show you nothing. This guy always has a phantom injury preventing him from pulling off the most spectacular stuff. He will tell you how he beat someone down every time you see him and go about desribing his absolute dominating performance against "this one guy" and telling you about "this one time". He is usally single and tells you about "this one chick" too. You don't care and take a great deal of pleasure in tuning him out and making his scream like a *****.
6-The "Badge Boys"-You probably know these guys too. They are the ones who have never even competed in a grappling tourney much less a MMA fight. Yet, they love to get real rough in training and they encourage you to do the same. Why? Because they love those damn Califlower Ears!! They think they are cool. They think chicks dig them. They think people fear them because their ears are swollen. If you are a trained fighter and you are legit, Cali Ears are hard to avoid but for an accountant for a Mom and Pop store in Podunk, Bum **** Egypt, they are far from hard to avoid. Sometimes, I think one guy in particular goes home and bangs his ears on the floor just to look much tougher than he actually is.
The Fantasizer. The guy owns every piece of fighting paraphaneilia out there. Muay thai shorts (even though he doesn't kick box) all the patches on his gi that money can buy.
His skills are novice at best,..but when he approaches the mat you can almost get a glimpse inside his head of the movie that is playing,..he is the undefeated-wunderkind-phenom-star and he is walking down the runway to the Octagon. His opponent is so intimidated, that he has the jimmy legs. The crowd goes wild!
He talks alot about "one time" he had a fight with this guy and did this or that. However he told the story 2 weeks ago with different details. Everyone remembers the other tale but him. But, people just laugh and say "oh, that is just how he is". His fantasy life is rich and uncompromised by reality. Harmless but funny.
The Tapemaster - buys every new video that comes out, hasn't even watched them all the way through, thinks that every new video that comes out till be the "one" that finally takes him to the next level.
Th Jack of all Trades. This guy will come to the dojo with some neato looking outfit (usually a ninja) bragging about the sixteen different arts he has mastered. The instructor will show the technique, he will do it at light speed, nowhere near correct and proclaim "I got it, next technique". After about 2 weeks he will have mastered your art, and is now off searching for the Juko-Kai dojo
The Spaz- This guys somehow manages to burn 20 minutes of cardio in 7 seconds. Whether its passing guard or escaping, he reacts like hes watching his kid get run over by a car, then dies seconds later in exhaustion
The Holder- This guy thinks that he is competing with you by not getting tapped. Gets North/South and tries to wait for class to end.
The Pseudo Light Roller- This fella begins by saying "lets warm up, go light" and then proceeds to rip you head off by surprise, then takes a 30 minute "break"
The Terminator- Comes to first class, gets tooled bad and leaves quickly saying "I'll be back"- never to be seen again.
The innovator- This guy spends way too much time making up freaky moves that dont worak against a resisting opponent and tries to show the teacher his new discovery.
The Dodger- comes in 2 minutes after the cardio/warmup is over every time.
The Imposer- Makes a personal pact never to roll with anyone more than 40 pounds lighter than him.
the gut buster- 250lb guy who uses his enormous belly as a crater to crush you and take all the energy from your body. these guys think they have great skill because you end up exhausted and tap because it is no fun being trapped underneath this commonly called "scott ferrozo look alike"
the dick head- the guy who comes to the gym and goes as hard on everyone he faces regardless of there skill level. could face a expereinced person at the same level as them or higher and go just as hard with them as he would somone who just joined up with no mat experience and is on class number five. this type gets off on tapping people that dont know what they are doing.
The dripper- this guy is disgusting to roll with cause he sweats like a pig and whenever he is in your guard, a steady stream of sweat drips off his forehead and onto your face and in worse case scenario...into your mouth.
The Rage against the washing machine dude- a guy who seemingly never feels the need to wash his sweaty damp gi that smells like fermented dog ****. always fun to roll with because his musk rubs off on you.
1-The intimidator-You know this guy. The guy who is looking so intense for a standard workout that it wouldn't suprise you in the least to see them drop dead of a heart attack. New guys won't train with them because they are really scared of what will happen. When you do train with him, it is either an illusion that they create on their own because they are pretty scared themselves, or because they brought in their personal troubles and are looking to take out their personal misery on you. Hey bro-I am not the one that banged your wife. Let go of that choke please.
2-The stinker-You know this one as well. The poor bastard could take a bath right before hitting the mats and inside of 2 minutes, he will stink all over again. I mean, come on. How bad could your diet be? Please stop doing Coke or Crank and then go rolling. I am sure that some guys just stink but damn. You never want to roll with this person. Not because they are good or bad, just because they stink and you can't concentrate on anything else.
3-The Noise maker-This one is pretty common. If you strain too hard for a particular move, and you have gas, watch out. It happens. I read where a guy actually **** himself in here but I haven't seen it yet. Farters are pretty common though. It always basically ends training for a minute or two so you can laugh it off and make sure that you actually didn't **** yourself. Also, lots of grunters. They grunt or make their own sound effects for every single damn movement. It almost sounds like watching a Women's tennis match. Huooo-Going for the takedown Arghhh-Got caught Awwwww-Missed their favorite sub ****-Got reversed.
4-The cryer-The guy or girl that gets so damn emotionally involved in training that they can't help it, they break down in tears at some point. Not very common but I have seen it a handful of times. For Christ's sake, it isn't that important to actually break down over but I guess they actually can't help it. Looks just sad to see guy in training crying.
5-The excuse guru-You all know this guy. The guy who can tell you everything and yet, show you nothing. This guy always has a phantom injury preventing him from pulling off the most spectacular stuff. He will tell you how he beat someone down every time you see him and go about desribing his absolute dominating performance against "this one guy" and telling you about "this one time". He is usally single and tells you about "this one chick" too. You don't care and take a great deal of pleasure in tuning him out and making his scream like a *****.
6-The "Badge Boys"-You probably know these guys too. They are the ones who have never even competed in a grappling tourney much less a MMA fight. Yet, they love to get real rough in training and they encourage you to do the same. Why? Because they love those damn Califlower Ears!! They think they are cool. They think chicks dig them. They think people fear them because their ears are swollen. If you are a trained fighter and you are legit, Cali Ears are hard to avoid but for an accountant for a Mom and Pop store in Podunk, Bum **** Egypt, they are far from hard to avoid. Sometimes, I think one guy in particular goes home and bangs his ears on the floor just to look much tougher than he actually is.
The Fantasizer. The guy owns every piece of fighting paraphaneilia out there. Muay thai shorts (even though he doesn't kick box) all the patches on his gi that money can buy.
His skills are novice at best,..but when he approaches the mat you can almost get a glimpse inside his head of the movie that is playing,..he is the undefeated-wunderkind-phenom-star and he is walking down the runway to the Octagon. His opponent is so intimidated, that he has the jimmy legs. The crowd goes wild!
He talks alot about "one time" he had a fight with this guy and did this or that. However he told the story 2 weeks ago with different details. Everyone remembers the other tale but him. But, people just laugh and say "oh, that is just how he is". His fantasy life is rich and uncompromised by reality. Harmless but funny.
The Tapemaster - buys every new video that comes out, hasn't even watched them all the way through, thinks that every new video that comes out till be the "one" that finally takes him to the next level.
Th Jack of all Trades. This guy will come to the dojo with some neato looking outfit (usually a ninja) bragging about the sixteen different arts he has mastered. The instructor will show the technique, he will do it at light speed, nowhere near correct and proclaim "I got it, next technique". After about 2 weeks he will have mastered your art, and is now off searching for the Juko-Kai dojo
The Spaz- This guys somehow manages to burn 20 minutes of cardio in 7 seconds. Whether its passing guard or escaping, he reacts like hes watching his kid get run over by a car, then dies seconds later in exhaustion
The Holder- This guy thinks that he is competing with you by not getting tapped. Gets North/South and tries to wait for class to end.
The Pseudo Light Roller- This fella begins by saying "lets warm up, go light" and then proceeds to rip you head off by surprise, then takes a 30 minute "break"
The Terminator- Comes to first class, gets tooled bad and leaves quickly saying "I'll be back"- never to be seen again.
The innovator- This guy spends way too much time making up freaky moves that dont worak against a resisting opponent and tries to show the teacher his new discovery.
The Dodger- comes in 2 minutes after the cardio/warmup is over every time.
The Imposer- Makes a personal pact never to roll with anyone more than 40 pounds lighter than him.
the gut buster- 250lb guy who uses his enormous belly as a crater to crush you and take all the energy from your body. these guys think they have great skill because you end up exhausted and tap because it is no fun being trapped underneath this commonly called "scott ferrozo look alike"
the dick head- the guy who comes to the gym and goes as hard on everyone he faces regardless of there skill level. could face a expereinced person at the same level as them or higher and go just as hard with them as he would somone who just joined up with no mat experience and is on class number five. this type gets off on tapping people that dont know what they are doing.
The dripper- this guy is disgusting to roll with cause he sweats like a pig and whenever he is in your guard, a steady stream of sweat drips off his forehead and onto your face and in worse case scenario...into your mouth.
The Rage against the washing machine dude- a guy who seemingly never feels the need to wash his sweaty damp gi that smells like fermented dog ****. always fun to roll with because his musk rubs off on you.