Don't say you weren't warned!

What has Shannon Matthews and a porno magazine got in common?

They both get stuffed in a drawer under the bed after you've finished wanking over them.

In light of the recent arrests in the Shannon Matthews case Kate and Gerry McCann issued the following statement:

















Amateurs!

Your ****ed up

why couldnt the baby get through the cat flap?















it had a javelin in its head

My girlfriend recently told me to ''treat her like a princess''.

So i put her in the back of my Mercedes and drove her into a tunnels pillar.

after her success in the UK junior hide and seek championships Shannon Matthews will now try her luck abroad, taking on current european champion madeleine mcann

what did the blind, deaf and dumb kid get for chirstmas??



cancer

what did the blind, deaf and dumb kid get for chirstmas??



cancer

haha i actually lolled at that one :lol1:

**** all those cunts moaning about waiting 24 hours in terminal 5, a mate of mine was hung around Paddington for 6 days.

What do Mark Speight and a duffel coat have in common?
They can both be found hanging from Paddington.

after her success in the UK junior hide and seek championships Shannon Matthews will now try her luck abroad, taking on current european champion madeleine mcann

:lol1: :rofl:

Whats the difference between a black man and a large Pizza?








































One can feed a family of four......

Q: Whats the difference between a brick and a redneck?













A: The brick gets laid.

Whats the name of that german who keeps hiding my stuff????




Alzheimer granddad.

I wanked over a blind girl yesterday.

She never saw it coming.

.................................................. .
What's Gary Glitter's girlfriend getting for Christmas?


Pubes
.................................................. .
Heather Mills got a new prosthetic leg for Christmas.

It wasn't her main present, it was just a stocking-filler
.................................................. .

I've heard that Mark Speight has finally had some good news!
Apparently neither the BBC or ITV would offer him a job but thankfully he's turned up on a local station instead!
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Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.
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My girlfriend asked me to take her out the other night, tell you what it was a ****ing brilliant right hook.

How do you know when your girlfriend is to young?

You have to say "Here comes the aeroplane" before you stick your dick in her mouth

I wanked over a blind girl yesterday.

She never saw it coming.

.................................................. .
What's Gary Glitter's girlfriend getting for Christmas?


Pubes
.................................................. .
Heather Mills got a new prosthetic leg for Christmas.

It wasn't her main present, it was just a stocking-filler
.................................................. .

I've heard that Mark Speight has finally had some good news!
Apparently neither the BBC or ITV would offer him a job but thankfully he's turned up on a local station instead!
.................................................. ..

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.
.................................................. ....
lmao with the glitter joke! quality mate

Pakistan cricket coach Bob Woolmer dies...

It certainly "stumped" me, when I heard that. He was only 58 an all, that's way too short an "innings".
The news that he had died knocked me for 6.

What have Pink Floyd and DIana got in common?

Last big hit was the wall.

I cba to type out the whole joke but you know the one about she goe's to heaven , "that aint a halo that's a steering wheel."

Why did Concorde crash? The Hotel left it's landing lights on.

Whats Pink sits in a pram and goes up down up down?

child molesters arse.


What do you call a leper in the bath?

Porridge.


How did they know Princess Di had Dandruff?

They found her head and shoulders on the dashboard.

Really sick;

What's the difference between 39pence and Princess Di?
Its easier to scrape together 39pence.

Technically innacurate.

Not so;

Why don't you want to buy golf clubs at Harrods?
Their drivers suck.

All these jokes make me realise how tragic it was.

What have Gareth Gates and Harold Shipman got in common?

Neither of them can finish a sentence
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Ever heard of the Gary Glitter burger?

It's 60 year old meat in 10 year old buns.

Whats the difference between a Jew and a Dominoes Pizza?

Dominoes don't scream in the oven.

Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?

-Christopher Reeves after his house burns down
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Whats the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

-Christopher Walken
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How do you know when your at a gay BBQ?

- All the hot-dogs taste of shit.