Straight up.

I went to a baptism, had a great time. Laughed with the family had a lot of fun. Kato and 3 of the kids were with her and her mom and I went to see my mom and my kids were with my **** head ex wife (die die die die die) So I go home at like 4:30 pm and no one is home and i think i will be a super dad and clean the house big time i am talking walls floors dust fee bleached out home. so I get 4 buck togather, that our family can not afford and get a pint of 100 proof mohawk. and dtart nippin at it on the rocks...Jammin music and cleaning like a freak. The house looked great. But I got ****ing super drunk..you know walkin bad talking slow and drunk. My kids come home....Kato gets home and I am waisted....Bzob = Loser. You know we have and 11 year old and al the kiddies..what kind of an example am I.

Well it was a learning experience. I mean I like to drink and all but I mean I was super waisted...

This has to stop.

P.S. I feel like crap today emotionally and spiritually. I have let down Kato and the kids. I am dizzy (wich never happens,Bzob = rarely gets hangovers) I mean i was really ****ed up. and I feel queezy. I can not make up for this but i can make sure it does not happen again.

you have to slow down man. Hard liquor can creep up on you and it has almost destroyed families related to Hansil and I. Its hard to cut your drinking I know cause im having a little trouble myself. If you have to start slow at least go to beer man. drop the hard **** and never look back.

I have actuall been drinking less.. But now its like when i do drink i drink too much.

It sucks that i fight with this...Like smokeing..I can not explain. I just lost controll yesterday being alone and busy. I know better. I ****ed up.

If you're man enough to admit that you have a problem, you're not a loser. Think about your kids and the example that you might be setting for them everytime you wanna start drinking, that might help young man.

mmmm...It sounds sad Bzob...you have to stop drinking guy...for your children mainly....
and you're too young to be a loser....

Your never too young to be a loser.

I am aware of my problem...and I have been drinking less. or i should say less consistently. but I have to now focus on the weekends.

Sorry to hear that Bzob, even though I don't have kids I can relate. I'm working on curbing my appetite for destruction as well.

relax, don't kill yourself over it. learn from your mistake and just don't do it again. Regret is pointless its already happened don't worry about it.

I have friends here who sing praises on that Mohawk stuff, even out here!

Occasionally it's nice to let go, but if you got a family I can see why that'd be an issue. **** like that you gotta plan in advance so at least one parent is sober in the house.

There's a passage I got from this book I'm reading called "Druss The Legend" by David Gemmell. This guy, Druss, is known in later years as "Deathwalker" or simply "Legend" for the number of heroic and violent campaigns and battles he fights in. Anyway, this is early in his career, before he earns these names. But even at a young age he's full of rage and is a pretty hardened youth. This guy eventually becomes a butcher of men that puts even Conan to shame, right? Well anyway.... here's the quote:

Druss nodded. 'It' won't come to that. I've already promised Rowena I'll mend my ways.'
'I'll wager she was angry,' said Bress, with a grin.
'Worse. She was disappointed in me.' Druss chuckled. 'Sharper than a serpent's tooth is the disappointment of a new wife.'

There's a something about this quote, a sense of irony perhaps, when a hardened man, a warrior, fears his wife's disappointment more than any blade.

- J.