:noangel:

the funniest ali g show i've ever seen just went off
rage against the machine play list is loaded
bladder full of diet vanilla coke about to make its way into my pants and i couldn't give a **** if it did

No music, drinking water, miserable as always......

Originally posted by kaps
miserable as always......

yes. this holds true to every second of every minute of every day i have lived in the past 5 months.

Its been 5 years for me.....

i have a feeling that my misery is going to be around for awhile.

i can't figure out how to become good looking, because thats all that matters in life unless you have ridiculous amounts of money which i can't seem to come across.

i can't find a chick who likes to bone ugly dudes. i can't seem to form a social life of any kind. i'm down to 3 people who will talk to me on aim, i scare/bore/annoy or cant discover a topic of interest to talk to anyone else with so conversations wont go past 4 lines until it turns into "yeah" or "okay" or "lol" and stops. i occupy my time by ridding my body of hair. i can't force myself to go train. i hate my friends. i hate my life. the central air doesn't work in my room, its like 90 degrees outside every day.

Originally posted by Cesaro
i'm down to 3 people who will talk to me on aim, i scare/bore/annoy or cant discover a topic of interest to talk to anyone else with so conversations wont go past 4 lines until it turns into "yeah" or "okay" or "lol" and stops.

That's every aim chat I have......I suck at aim

leftbench, hockeyfighter, and kaps are the only people i can have conversation with. nobody else appreciates the waste of life that is me.

my sense of humor is too juvenile for anyone else. i thrive off of toilet humor, making fun of myself and others, and making obscene remarks about people whose life is better than mine.

finding somebody i can talk to is hard. the only thing i ever talk with my friends about are stupid things that at one time were funny we have done in the past. "remember that time i farted infront of the lady at the hospital..hahahahha", "remember that time we egged catman's house..hahahaha", "remember that time we took a picture of the guy in the ford explorer and he started waving that handgun at us, hahahaha..yeah and then the cops came to your house.". this is the type of loser i am. i don't know how to have conversations about the war in iraq, the stockmarket or why gas prices are so high. i haven't seen the cool new video on MTV or haven't heard who carson daly is boning. i don't know who won at the VMAs or didn't see eminem's performance. however, i did watch 8 mile yesterday so maybe i can fit that into conversation somewhere..that should get atleast 5 lines in.

i don't work so i can't tell you about the funny thing that happened to me at my office this morning. i can't tell you about the hot ***** that sits in the cubicle next to me and how i want to have sex with her. i can tell you about how i'm willing to engage in sexual activity with any girl who is willing to be in my presence for more than 40 seconds, because i'm sure thats all it will take.

i'm not a fashionable person so i can't discuss how ugly tapered jeans are and i haven't seen the latest product nike has released.

the only sport i know anything about is MMA, 99.6% of the people in this world don't know what that is. i can't reminisce with you about the time mark mcguire broke that record or when michael jordan came back to basketball. i don't know who the dallas cowboys drafted last week nor do i know what position warren sapp plays.

i don't go to a gym so i can't tell you about how this pale fat guy fell off the treadmill this afternoon or how i benched 275 for 3. i don't go to bjj anymore so i can't tell you about how i tapped out this blue belt or figured out how to escape an omoplata. although, i can tell you about how i hate everybody i trained with and refuse to go back and am praying that this new vale tudo place opens up this month.

i don't know anything about politics so i can't discuss with you why capital punishment is wrong or why george bush sucks at being president. i don't know why the war in iraq is supposed to be bad or why GWB is so hated for causing it. i don't even know how to vote.

i get dumber as each day passes by so i can't talk to you about how inspector gadget was the coolest cartoon of all time or how badass G.I. joe was because i can't remember ****. i don't even remember watching nickelodeon once in my childhood except some camp show where a guy was spitting rhymes about how beans make you fart and he had a red mullet. his name may or may not have been bud.

i'm computer literate but still don't know anything about them. i can build a computer because everything fits one way and i can actually remember the phrase "red to the power". i don't know what IDE or IBM stands for. i don't know if AMD is better than Intel or how the hell to come to a decision if I even cared.

i don't have any inside sources to MMA big wigs so I can't tell you that bustamante is going to fight sakuraba at pride 26 and in turn you all have orgasms and think i'm the coolest thing since iced water. i took bjj for 6 months so i can't give you tips on administering the kneebar correctly and i'm just as clueless as you are on how the **** to escape side mount except to start escaping before you are completely in that position.

i don't know anything about cars so i can't tell you that V-TEK sucks and i don't even know if i spelled it properly just now. i can't tell you the advantages of having a 2' spoiler on the back of your civic.

i can't function as a normal person so i can't get into friendly bickers and be like...YO *****, I WILL **** YOU UP AND STUFF. then continue to criticize each other for hours on end. if somebody even begins to try to make fun of me i just say, "okay" or "haha" then it stops. i don't think its supposed to work like that.

i don't take drugs so i can't tell you about how i smoked an ounce of weed or snorted a line of coke and then you tell me how that is cool. i don't drink alcoholic beverages so i can't tell you why vodka is the best then argue with it why it is.

i listen to elton john, eric clapton, lionel richie, tool, rage against the machine, guns n roses, and neoclassical music, so our chances of discussing musical interests are slim to none. and slim left town or something. but if we do find a band who we both like, the discussion wont make it very far simply because i'm not the best at having conversations.

typing this post may have been the hardest thing i have done in over a year. my name is ryan and i'm from kings mountain, north carolina. i like to shave/nair/wax my body hair and i'm a failure at life. i have the most boring life you have ever seen. i'm done for now.

If it wasnt so long it would be my signature. *Tear* That was beutiful.......

Cesaro I will speak to you...my ego needs inflating and you suck worse than I do, so it could just work

yeah, i am known for being good at assisting with that.

When I am next at home, I will hit you up on AIM. My username is AndyJake1976.

...then theres always the trigger of my desert eagle to put you outta yer misery.

Too messy.....

seldom, my aim is murilorua.

kamino, atlanta isn't too bad of a drive from charlotte.

Dude, that was the best post I've ever read, seriously.

it makes me proud.

Yeah thanks for jackin my thread....I twist my knee and get some happy pills and you take my fun away......I shall have revenge!!!

i thought about giving it its own thread, but its too late now i guess.

tt ****ing t for the best thing i have read in weeks

I wish I had some more of those pills

My sig also contains another one of his great posts

ttt again......I am going to ttt this thread once a month because it is so great

I must have missed this thread the first few times around. Great post by Cesaro. I'm way too lazy to type a post that long anymore.

Cesaro,

I think the only real problem you have is that you listen to Elton John... really....

... and the fact you spam.

Apart from that, you're ok in my books.

- J.

Quality stuff mang.....

ttt because i love it

ttt again

A year and a half old and I still look back to Ryan's posts here for humor.

i think you all have just made a love connection.

up

yes. this holds true to every second of every minute of every day i have lived in the past 5 months.
You must be a carrier as I've felt that way since I started reading this thread.

ttt for the 4343th times for the new people to read, 1st page people, read teh 1st page

god it owns

best post ever

His best post ever was the one about the wallet landing in the moible home toilet.

that was at my uncle's trailer. everything in that room was browned because the wallet landed on a pile of ****.

damn guys, get off his nuts already.

there's room for you, too

no thank u, ill pass.

i'll clear out a spot for you. don't be shy

:****you: :****you:

no room for heretics around here

Stupendous