Post em here. You know you love a good old offensive joke.

Q)How do you stop a gay from drowning?
A)Take your foot of his head!
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A boy comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face.
She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"
The mother is stunned.
"You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."
"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."
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Q: What do you get if you cross a black guy with a p@ki?
A: A car thief that can't drive
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Q: What do you call people in wheelchairs stacked on top of each other?
A: A vegetable rack
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Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears?
A: Her legs
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Lad comes home from school and says to his mum "I've got the biggest knob in the third year, is it cos I'm black?". She says "No its because you're 19 you ****ing retard".
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P@ki was found dead with 50 stab wounds in his back - Coroner says "Thats the worst case of suicide I've seen for years"
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P@ki walks into an off-licence and asks "Please recommend to me your finest port"

Shopkeeper says "Southampton - **** off"
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Q: What happens when a jewish boy with a hard-on runs into a wall?
A: He breaks his nose
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A man goes to his doctors to pick up his wife's test results.
DOC: I'm affraid there's bad news.
MAN: What is it?
DOC: Well, we're not sure. Your wife has either Alzheimers or AIDS.
MAN: Bloody hell! Well, which one is it?
DOC: Dunno. But there is a test you can do.
MAN: Which is...?
DOC: Put her in your car and drive her out into the middle of nowhere.
MAN:Then...?
DOC: Leave her there. If she find's her way home, don't **** her.
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Q. whats Gareth Gates and Harold Shipmen got in common?

A. niether of them can finish a sentence

Q. whats Gareth Gates and Harold Shipmen got in common?

A. niether of them can finish a sentence

Oh yeah. This is not my joke, only posting it because it's offensive. But....

Q: Whats worse than letting Jacko babysit your kids?
A: Letting Huntley bath em

Might be the most offensive joke I've ever heard

warning, and apologies in advance
Q: Whats the quickest way from Glasgow to Edinburgh?
A: Just shoot through Dunblane!

sorry, sorry,
but you did ask

warning, and apologies in advance
Q: Whats the quickest way from Glasgow to Edinburgh?
A: Just shoot through Dunblane!

sorry, sorry,
but you did ask

Ohh you sick bastard lol

Q. What have the zebrugge ferry and a prostitute got in common?
A. They both go down with their flaps open.

an oldie but a sicky

Q-- What's the difference between a Christian blow-up doll and a Muslim blow-up doll?

A-- The Muslim one blows itself up.

lol, nice one mate

A little girl is standing by the edge of a cliff crying her eyes out. This man comes over and says, "What's wrong little girl?" The little girl still crying just points over to the edge of the cliff. The man looks over the edge and sees a car with the little girls parents mangled in the rocks below. The man turns round and undoing his flies says, "I guess it just ain't your lucky day"!!!

lol, nice one mate

A little girl is standing by the edge of a cliff crying her eyes out. This man comes over and says, "What's wrong little girl?" The little girl still crying just points over to the edge of the cliff. The man looks over the edge and sees a car with the little girls parents mangled in the rocks below. The man turns round and undoing his flies says, "I guess it just ain't your lucky day"!!!

You ****er. I was just about to post that one. Ruined it now you cunt.

Bloke walks into a pub and bets the barman £100 that he could have any woman in there.

"Oh yeah" says the barman, "What makes you so confident?"
"I'm a rapist" replies the bloke

that reminds me I saw a job advert in the paper which i might apply for
it's rapist wanted

lol, nice one mate

A little girl is standing by the edge of a cliff crying her eyes out. This man comes over and says, "What's wrong little girl?" The little girl still crying just points over to the edge of the cliff. The man looks over the edge and sees a car with the little girls parents mangled in the rocks below. The man turns round and undoing his flies says, "I guess it just ain't your lucky day"!!!

Hahaha.

Ive never heard that one before.

Q - What's pink and smells of holly??











A - Ian Huntleys Cock!

Hahaha.

Ive never heard that one before.

Q - What's pink and smells of holly??











A - Ian Huntleys Cock!
class mate,
whats black and shoots across the room

Marvin Gaye's dad

Jill Dando's husband wanted to paint their front door red

but she was dead against it

class mate,
whats black and shoots across the room

Marvin Gaye's dad
Jill Dando's husband wanted to paint their front door red

but she was dead against it

Hahahaha. thats class.

What's the difference between the pope and Madeline Mccann??




The pope died a virgin.

Hahahaha. thats class.

What's the difference between the pope and Madeline Mccann??




The pope died a virgin.
sicko cool lol,
what do you call a dog with wings

Linda McCartney

sicko cool lol,
what do you call a dog with wings

Linda McCartney

Hahaha. Where are you getting all of these from?



The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes."

The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."

The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?"

She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

Hahaha. Where are you getting all of these from?



The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes."

The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."

The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?"

She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."
hahaha,
whats the diffrence between Garry Gliter and acne
acne does'nt cum on your face until your 13

Chris Langhams wife has just give birth
he asks the Dr how long it will be before he can have sex
the Dr says for **** sake Chris you could at least wait untill it's walking


whats the opposite to Christopher Reeve

Christopher Walking

Chris Langhams wife has just give birth
he asks the Dr how long it will be before he can have sex
the Dr says for **** sake Chris you could at least wait untill it's walking



Pure ****ing class

what's worse than 10 babies stapled to a tree?
One baby stapled to 10 trees.

What's the difference between Princess Di and Tiger Woods?

He's got a better driver.

A Confused Jewish bloke rang his mom on his honeymoon night for advise...

mother- "ok son, put your big long thing in your wifes open hairiest thing".
son- "o.k mom, i have placed my nose in her armpit, now what"

A Confused Jewish bloke rang his mom on his honeymoon night for advise...

mother- "ok son, put your big long thing in your wifes open hairiest thing".
son- "o.k mom, i have placed my nose in her armpit, now what"
lol. not bad,
I can sypathise with those upset by the death of Pavarotti- I felt the same when I lost a tenner.

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin

hahahaha ****ing class one that

An old blokes on his death bed.
Although he knows the end is near, his senses are suddenly aroused by a wonderful aroma. He reliases his loving wife of 60 years is baking his favorite cakes.He finds the strength to drag himself to the kitchen and reaches his frail withered hand up to the table, he suddenly feels the whack of a wooden spoon as his wife barks, **** OFF, they 4 the funeral.

lol, good un matey,
In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery
Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!
Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.

hahaha good un mate, offensive jokes are the best
as the saying goes say what you mean n say it

A man with no arms entered a wanking competition, poor bastard didnt cum anywhere.

sicker the better matey

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything.

His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?"

Oh, no: I never found her head

hahahaha thats a good un, I'll tell me lass it, she'll defo take the horrors lol.


In response to complaints there are not enough blacks or asians on the BBC,they will now be showing crimewatch TWICE a week

hahahaha thats a good un, I'll tell me lass it, she'll defo take the horrors lol.


In response to complaints there are not enough blacks or asians on the BBC,they will now be showing crimewatch TWICE a week

hahahahaha,
Q: Ever hear of the Gary Glitter burger?

A: It's 60 year old meat in ten year old buns.

Whats pink sits in a pram and goes up down up down.

Child molesters arse.

What do you call a leper in the bath.

Porridge.

2 gay men pushing a piece of shit around on a lake with a stick and the park attendant comes across and says "what do you think you 2 are doing"
and they reply "teaching our kid to swim".

Q: What do you call an Australian in a suit?
A: The defendant
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A father-to-be paces up and down the corriders of the maternity unit when the midwife suddenly bursts through the doors of the delivery room.
"Your baby has been delivered sir, but im afraid theres some good news and bad news". "Oh my god!" says the father, "Whats the bad news?"
"Well I'm afraid your baby has been born ginger" says the midwife, "Bloody hell!" screams the father in horror, "What the hell can the good news possibly be then!"
"Well fortunately sir" explains the delighted midwife "Your child was also born dead!"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
You have to be able to take the piss outta yourself

what do you call a ****** in a freezer? Frozen Shit

what do you call a ****** in a freezer? Frozen Shit
why did the Thalydamide have a black face
coz it says you have to light fireworks at arms length

not offensive really..but..

2 condoms walking down the street looking for a place to have a quiet drink

one turns to the other and points to a gay bar and says "how about it?"

the other jonny replies "no, not tonight mate - i don't fancy getting shit-faced."

Q. Whats the difference between a jew and a Dominos Pizza?

A. Dominos don't scream in the oven.

not offensive really..but..

2 condoms walking down the street looking for a place to have a quiet drink

one turns to the other and points to a gay bar and says "how about it?"

the other jonny replies "no, not tonight mate - i don't fancy getting shit-faced."

lol.

-----------------

Little boy tells social worker ... I dont wanna live with my mother cause she beats me.. wont live with my dad cause he beats me too........ Who do you wanna live with then??
The England team he said they don't beat any ****er.







Its universal you can put any shit team you dont like in instead of England lol.

Little boy tells social worker ... I dont wanna live with my mother cause she beats me.. wont live with my dad cause he beats me too........ Who do you wanna live with then??
The England team he said they don't beat any ****er.







Its universal you can put any shit team you dont like in instead of England lol.
lol, What's blue and never fits properly?
A dead epileptic

What is 18 inches long, stiff and makes women scream at night
cot death
really sorry

Why are there so many homes for battered women?

Because they just don't ****ing listen!!

What do you call an all black obortion clinic?
















Crime Stoppers

Very very harsh

whats the main cause of paedophilia?

sexy kids.

whats the difference between sand and a dead baby?

u can't **** sand.

Jose Mourinho has said he wants to go back to Portugal and never be seen or heard from again. The McCanns have offered to help.

New car being launched in Portugal, space in the boot for a child. It's called the Renault McCann

There once was a young girl called Maddie
She had such an irresponsible daddy
Snatched from her bed
She's probably dead
Raped by a English baddy.

What's the difference between a German and a Jew?

The gas bill.

(I'm going to hell)

What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Madeleine McCann jokes?

Madeleine McCann jokes will get old.

What word starting with N and ending with R would you not want to call a black person?


Neighbour

Ouch! thats harsh

What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Madeleine McCann jokes?

Madeleine McCann jokes will get old.

Hahaha. I like that one.

What's the difference between Smarties and sleeping pills?

Maddie wasn't allowed to have a whole pack of Smarties

There is a 1000 nigg*rs and one white guy, what is the white guy called?
- Warden.

ahhh, i love this ****ing thread...

How can you tell if your wife is dead?

The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

_________________________________________________

What's somewhat brown and often found in children's underpants?

Michael Jackson's hand.

__________________________________________________ _


What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job?

You just KNOW she'll swallow.

__________________________________________________ _
Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?

They don't want to wear out the camel.

ahhh, i love this ****ing thread...

How can you tell if your wife is dead?

The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

_________________________________________________

What's somewhat brown and often found in children's underpants?

Michael Jackson's hand.

__________________________________________________ _


What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job?

You just KNOW she'll swallow.

__________________________________________________ _
Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?

They don't want to wear out the camel.
lol hahahaha
How do you blindfold a ch1nk?
use Dental floss.

Why did the nigg*r carry a lump of shit in his wallet


For I.D.

Do Prostitutes have babies,
yes, where do you think nigg*ers come from