Let's get it on, let's make love tonight.

Jimmy Saville vs Ron Jeremy in a fight to the death, who wins?

It's got to be Saville - did you know that that cunt supposedly has an IQ of over 190?

It's got to be Saville - did you know that that cunt supposedly has an IQ of over 190?

Never. I'm shocked so I am. Do you think he's more intelligent than the sexy Carol Voderman?

I have a feeling that Ron would keep Jimmy at distance with his beef bayonet, then go for the KO with a killer cumshot to the jaw.

Never. I'm shocked so I am. Do you think he's more intelligent than the sexy Carol Voderman?

I have a feeling that Ron would keep Jimmy at distance with his beef bayonet, then go for the KO with a killer cumshot to the jaw.

Carol has an IQ of 143. supposedly.

Aye, i could see it playing out that way.

Carol has an IQ of 143. supposedly.

Aye, i could see it playing out that way.


Have you ever done an IQ test me laddie?

Have you ever done an IQ test me laddie?

I have done a few - the first one i took in school and got 147; the second was near the end of me school days and i got 140; the last one was not long ago and i got 131 - i just didn't care for the last one.

Cock > IQ

I have done a few - the first one i took in school and got 147; the second was near the end of me school days and i got 140; the last one was not long ago and i got 131 - i just didn't care for the last one.

Cock > IQ

Yer got a big one, Laddie. Yer IQ is a good size un-all.

I have done a few - the first one i took in school and got 147; the second was near the end of me school days and i got 140; the last one was not long ago and i got 131 - i just didn't care for the last one.

Cock > IQ

It seems laddie me darling, that as yer sexiness and the prowess of yer trousersnake increases, yer IQ falls. Still, 131 aint nothing to scoff at. Smokin and Versy find it hard breaking the 70 mark.

Yer got a big one, Laddie. Yer IQ is a good size un-all.

You ever done one southpaw? I mean a cunting IQ test. If yer did a trousersnake test you'd be off the scale and they'd be proclaiming yer beef bayonet to be the greatest of them all.

You ever done one southpaw? I mean a cunting IQ test. If yer did a trousersnake test you'd be off the scale and they'd be proclaiming yer beef bayonet to be the greatest of them all.

I did one of them test the nation things a few years ago, babes. Can't remember what I got as I was drinking at the time. And Ann Robinson was getting on me cunting nerves, so she was.

It seems laddie me darling, that as yer sexiness and the prowess of yer trousersnake increases, yer IQ falls. Still, 131 aint nothing to scoff at. Smokin and Versy find it hard breaking the 70 mark.

I think IQ tests are a lot of shit to be honest.

There is no doubt that Smokin' and verse are verging on the mentally retarded border though.

I did one of them test the nation things a few years ago, babes. Can't remember what I got as I was drinking at the time. And Ann Robinson was getting on me cunting nerves, so she was.
She's a cantankerous old slag aint she. I'd stick me beloved trousersnake in a blender before I gave that ginge a taste of it.
I think IQ tests are a lot of shit to be honest.

There is no doubt that Smokin' and verse are verging on the mentally retarded border though.
Aye, they're a pile of dirty smegma stained pants are IQ tests. The few I've done have been on the net and I think they make em easy. The true test of a trousersnake is when he's under pressure. When he has to make a snap decision - should I enter the love tunnel or not? A lot of fellas have made the wrong decision, some even mistaking ginger hair for a dirty blonde, and it's those snap decisions that can be life or death. See once you've banged a ginge, well, some fellas just can't live with emselves afterwards. They end up taking Dirt E Gomez's advice -"Go kill yourself, you douche bag".

Packets of crisps these days are only filled half full, what a cunting rip off!

Packets of crisps these days are only filled half full, what a cunting rip off!

They have these big packets and try to con you into thinking there's more in em. The packets are bigger, there aint more crisps in em. You think I'm stupid Gary Lineker?!? I'll ****in 'ave yer, you big eared toss factory!

They have these big packets and try to con you into thinking there's more in em. The packets are bigger, there aint more crisps in em. You think I'm stupid Gary Lineker?!? I'll ****in 'ave yer, you big eared toss factory!

Bleedin disgrace, so it is. God help them if they ever start doing it with me Stella. I know a full can when I drink one and I won't take a drop less, so I won't.

Bleedin disgrace, so it is. God help them if they ever start doing it with me Stella. I know a full can when I drink one and I won't take a drop less, so I won't.

Bigger can, less beer.

There'll be riots right round the country if they mess with our wife beater.

just been out the back with Lil' Oscar.

What a fanny fart.

just been out the back with Lil' Oscar.

What a fanny fart.

What's he up to laddie?

She's a cantankerous old slag aint she. I'd stick me beloved trousersnake in a blender before I gave that ginge a taste of it.

Aye, they're a pile of dirty smegma stained pants are IQ tests. The few I've done have been on the net and I think they make em easy. The true test of a trousersnake is when he's under pressure. When he has to make a snap decision - should I enter the love tunnel or not? A lot of fellas have made the wrong decision, some even mistaking ginger hair for a dirty blonde, and it's those snap decisions that can be life or death. See once you've banged a ginge, well, some fellas just can't live with emselves afterwards. They end up taking Dirt E Gomez's advice -"Go kill yourself, you douche bag".

He just ran into someone's house and i ain't even dressed to please.

By the way - did anyone see the last Sopranos episode? what the **** was that about?

He just ran into someone's house and i ain't even dressed to please.

By the way - did anyone see the last Sopranos episode? what the **** was that about?

****in shite, that's what it was. The whole of the last series was a ****in rush job and completely forced. Tony being addicted to gambling just came right out of the cunting blue didn't it. It was like they didn't know how to end it so they thought "I know, a big gangster shoot up at the end, kill a few of the cunts off then leave everyone hanging like sagging fanny flaps and don't resolve anything, that's how we'll finish it".

Shag monkeys!

This my theory about the end:

When Tony enters the diner he is already dead; the diner is the afterlife for Tony.

The family joins him in the order that they were either executed or naturally died.

Hoff, how many times have you entered a diner and two ex assassins have been there? I'm guessing not many.

This my theory about the end:

When Tony enters the diner he is already dead; the diner is the afterlife for Tony.

The family joins him in the order that they were either executed or naturally died.

Hoff, how many times have you entered a diner and two ex assassins have been there? I'm guessing not many.

I saw an ex in the cafe once when I was having a fry up. Does that count?

I saw an ex in the cafe once when I was having a fry up. Does that count?

Now that is strange.

I'd try not to dwell on it too much if i were you; the universe can send a bum boy crazy.

Now that is strange.

I'd try not to dwell on it too much if i were you; the universe can send a bum boy crazy.

Aye, just look at what a thread title change did to the dosia, then think of how much bigger the universe is. The universe could dish out a mighty pwnage to a bum boy and I might never recover. I've had it easy so far, but maybe I wont always be so lucky.

Aye, just look at what a thread title change did to the dosia, then think of how much bigger the universe is. The universe could dish out a mighty pwnage to a bum boy and I might never recover. I've had it easy so far, but maybe I wont always be so lucky.

You've got me and me celestial sized brain - you'll be alright, darling.

You've got me and me celestial sized brain - you'll be alright, darling.

Stella, Southpaw, Saddam and Alan, that's all we need.

Stella, Southpaw, Saddam and Alan, that's all we need.

Aye, no cuntin' doubt.

Aye, no cuntin' doubt.

How are you liking the ninja lounge so far laddie? Seems a bit strange at first doesn't it. I think we'll have to redecorate if we wanna stay for any length of time.

How are you liking the ninja lounge so far laddie? Seems a bit strange at first doesn't it. I think we'll have to redecorate if we wanna stay for any length of time.

I'll never be able to slip through a crevice like thin Jack or bang me balls against a cymbal like 2nd, but i could grow to love this bastard place.

I'll never be able to slip through a crevice like thin Jack or bang me balls against a cymbal like 2nd, but i could grow to love this bastard place.

It's been a waste ground for a long time laddie. It seems a shame to let it go to rack and ruin. We need to do a clean up and do some urban regeneration, spruce up the place a bit and gentrify it.

I'm out of beer and feeling the shits me lovers. I'll slip into bed with a nice cup of Hoffee, shag yer later. :luvbed:

It needs the Glasgow/Birmingham touch, that's for certain

I'm out of beer and feeling the shits me lovers. I'll slip into bed with a nice cup of Hoffee, shag yer later. :luvbed:
Sleep well me lover. Shag yer later :luvbed:
It needs the Glasgow/Birmingham touch, that's for certain

What posters shall we put up laddie? A celtic one, a villa one, one of Bruce "yippykayyay!" and one of Mel "jew one, cunt!"

Any more?

Sleep well me lover. Shag yer later :luvbed:


What posters shall we put up laddie? A celtic one, a villa one, one of Bruce "yippykayyay!" and one of Mel "jew one, cunt!"

Any more?

You can't go wrong with Hoff Marley and the Wailers.

You can't go wrong with Hoff Marley and the Wailers.

Better than Mary Hoffins?

Better than Mary Hoffins?

I'd say so.

I'd say so.

A ******.

A ruskie.

A somalian.

A pole.

A jamaican.

Which one would you eat first and why?

A ******.

A ruskie.

A somalian.

A pole.

A jamaican.

Which one would you eat first and why?

An American ****** - there's more meat on them and i like a feast.

An American ****** - there's more meat on them and i like a feast.

They'd be a bit spicy an all I reckon. A ruskie wouldn't make a good meal - too hairy...and there wouldn't be enough of a somalian to make even a snack.

Good choice laddie.

Jack would serve as a starter, and i'll have a main course of Da1catas.

Jack would serve as a starter, and i'll have a main course of Da1catas.

Dino. D'you reckon you could finish him off in one sitting?

Dino. D'you reckon you could finish him off in one sitting?

I doubt it, darling. I love me nosh, but not that much.

I'd probably throw up at the sight of the cunt.

I doubt it, darling. I love me nosh, but not that much.

I'd probably throw up at the sight of the cunt.

He'd be a bit greasy wouldn't he, he wouldn't go down nicely.

He'd be a bit greasy wouldn't he, he wouldn't go down nicely.

That he would not.

That he would not.

I'm off to the land of kippus now laddie. I must noddus offus for 40 winksius.

Goodnight. Fare thee well my fellow bum boy.

Shag thee later :luvbed:

Fware thee well - my biggus dickus will long for you in the morning.

Here here ar ar